Believing Your Fears

Ahhh says the wise man, one of those self fulfilling attributes of being human.  Believing your fears is one of the things that haunts most people and it is one of the things that can hold us back from healing our lives and moving forward.

Fears are tricky little pests.  They fake us into believing that they are real and all of the time they are nothing but parasites feeding upon our own energy.

Of course, there are real fears.  If you're walking through a dark alley and feel some shadow following you, the fear you're going to get attacked is most likely real.  If you're walking in the safari of Africa and see the lions surrounding you, I'm sure the fear you're probably going to have to outrun a lion is real.  Yes, fears are real.

Asking Pointless Questions Helps You Heal

I get so tired of hearing people use different variations of the statement, "just move on" or "just get over it".  Some may realize they are doing this, but many may not.  To tell someone that is struggling in life through a traumatic experience to just move on is about one of the most hurtful things you can do to them.

When I came out of the hospital from having a Conversion Disorder and being totally paralyzed, I was met with a lot of encouragement.  Unfortunately there were those that would say, "just pray about it" or "you just need to forgive and move on" or "just let it go".   I could make a million statements here of things that people said and none of them were the least bit helpful.

I remember telling one person that told me to just pray about my situation, that if you had broken your arm, would you just pray about it and hope it would heal?  More than likely you would go to a doctor and have them set it in a cast to get it to heal.  Praying can be good and has been shown through research to help in healing, but we all need to get real!  Words can hurt, even if you think you are saying something good.

Greed Is Good

Day after day, I see news stories that show how American greed is running a race to see what corporations can out-greed one another.  Sure, I know the shareholders think this is good as does the CEO's that are lining their pockets.  Just like Gordon Gekko in Wall Street who declared greed is good, we're in an age that would make Gordon Gekko look like he knew very little on the subject.

Just today I saw that Darden which owns several companies including Olive Garden basically ousted the current board of directors in the company.  The current board of directors wasn't making enough money for the shareholders and so they said, enough is enough.  Beyond the "only two bread-sticks" per customer rule, I wonder if they will start charging for everything and anything.  I mean, I know its their business and all, but you can just see how greed is good in the minds of these business people.

Promoting Things On This Blog

I get asked all the time to promote things on this blog.  While the products and ideas may be good, I am careful as to what I offer up here.  I don't want to be a blog where it is just about marketing things for other people.  I mean, that's not really the purpose of why I write.

Yet, I get people who just think that this is the sole purpose of anything on the internet.  I had someone asking me to promote something as an affiliate and I have no clue what the product is.  They were ready to send me "information" and "copy" that I could put in a blog post.  In my mind, I'm wondering how I could justify promoting something I don't even know.

There are people who want me to promote products because somehow they think that if I write about healing, I want to push all kinds of "product".  This could not be any further from the truth.  Yes, I've promoted some products on this blog, but there is a catch.  It has to be something that I found and when I did, it was extremely helpful to my life.

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

I wish I knew the answer to the question of this blog post.  If you came here for the ultimate answer to this question, you might feel let down.  I'm not sure if anyone can answer the question, Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?"

It would be good if we could answer that because it would make life in this world so much easier to understand.  We wouldn't have people walking around in a daze for months and years, trying to make sense of all that there is.  Maybe people could heal and move on in their lives more easily if we all knew and understood the answer to why do bad things happen to good people.

Some may explain it with one way or another and that might work for them as individuals, but it most likely would not work for everyone.  Even though your answer for yourself makes you feel better, if it isn't replicated to all humans, does it truly work.  Of course, I realize that sometimes we need to put a soothing balm on an open wound to help ease the pain.  It doesn't mean that this soothing balm is what heals though.

Is Social Media Communication Human?

Do we really read anything anymore?  I mean, do we really read what is before our eyes.  After the advent of text messages, twitter, and the "likes" on Facebook, do we really communicate or read or even care about communication?

Communication is an art form.  It is part of the human experience.  It is about sharing a bond between one human and another.  Yes, even animals of all sorts do this.  Even plants know how to communicate.

Communication occurs on so many different levels from the words we use to the sounds and inflections of our voices.  The body language which emphasizes or supports our words and sometimes even shows the inaccuracy of our words.  The energy we bring to a conversation and the knowing that is involved help us to communicate in ways we don't even consider.

Can You Unplug?

Its amazing how much we all are "on" these days in our lives.  It is very difficult to fully unplug.  I mean, look at how many smart phones, tablets, PC's and other devices we are using these days.  So my question is "can you unplug?"

I thought I could, but then I realize that my work email never fully stops.  With people in different time zones and on different projects, it truly never ends.  Yes, it may slow down, but the darn pesky thing just keeps showing up at all hours of the day and night.

I thought I could unplug, but then I get hooked on a message thread with Facebook, or instead of someone giving me a call, they instant message me on Facebook.  Most of the time it isn't that critical, but sometimes it is.  So again, I'm not sure I can fully walk away from it.

Bad Emotions

This is a topic that touches me deeply from personal experience.  I read postings constantly from people who have good intentions, but in all reality the things they are writing hurt others more deeply then they realize.  This isn't anyone person, but a collective that I have seen from many different people.  It is almost like in order to be a new age healer or a new age thought person (or even a religious person), you must subscribe to this way of thought.

Too many claim that there are good emotions and that the bad emotions are just not healthy and should be eliminated from your life.  It is harming to those that struggle through some very rough moments in life.  It is damaging to the recovery and healing of those walking through some very treacherous ground and intense fire.

To claim any emotion is bad, is failing other humans.  In many ways, I wonder if the people making these claims are still giving residence to these same emotions, but attempting to hide it from the world.  I cannot speak for them.

Abuse In Sports

I'm reading the stories about Sayreville, NJ about the horrible acts taking place in the locker rooms.   Reading the details makes me want to vomit from here to eternity.  It should make everyone so angry, but unfortunately some don't understand just how bad this is.  They think you are attacking their precious game of football.

It was not that long ago that NFL had the video in the news of the player abusing his wife.  At the time, it was the outrage and it doesn't appear to have slowed down the people who worship football.  Maybe that's too harsh, but it really bothers me when we get worked up over a story one day and forget it the next.  Too much of sports is about money and wining and these appear to be more important than human dignity.  I'm sure there are other details that took place here, but I don't follow every nuance of these stories.

Greed Makes The World Go

Doesn't anyone care?  Doesn't our world understand?  Or is it just become such an accepted fact that greed makes the world go?  I struggle to understand how we can sit by as a collective community in the world and be a part of this.

Do you have to put on a sack cloth and ashes in order to not be part of the greed problem?  Absolutely not!  I think there are people who have figured out life and have more to financially give then others.  There are people who have been given talents and skills and gifts to use in order to help others.  There are people who have been given bigger hearts to share and spread love throughout the world.

Unfortunately it is just too common to see greed living life to the fullest and sucking up every warm blooded person in its wake.  The attitude from the greedy, "I'm not sharing and what is mine is mine," is one that will doom our society and our world.  You can see this in various countries and parts of the world already and I believe you can see it in our own country.

Innocent Comments Of Hate

My new t-shirt from HRC

Yesterday was the Come Out With Pride event at Lake Eola in Orlando, Florida.  Estimates put the number of people attending it around 150,000.  The parade was close to an hour long.  The energy level never died down around the beautiful downtown lake.  Fireworks captured the nighttime sky as everyone felt accepted, loved, and wanted.  The Swans moved around as if it were another day.

As I was talking to a friend and recounting similar experiences of innocent comments of hate, he too shared some stories from his past.  Yes, I'm sure one could say we just have to develop a thick skin and not let it bother us.  Unfortunately, I think people either need to lose their ignorance or not prove to the world through their words, just how ignorant they are.

Comments such as "those queers", "those fags" or gawd they are weird are about hate and ignorance.  I've overheard people say to other ignorant people, "you're not afraid he will do something to you, right?"  I've heard that in the work place, and amongst people who I thought were friends. I've heard it amongst those that thought they were self righteous and holy.

I Will Miss You Crystal

I kept saying, one of these days I need to get back to Miami and stop and see her.  After all, she had become a friend to me ever since I went to Educating Hands School Of Massage.  Time and distance had taken my life to a different location.  I figured, though, there was always tomorrow.  There was always plenty of time.

Last night, I found out my friend had gone to be with the angels after a long battle with cancer.  My heart is heavy and the tears keep welling up in my eyes.  No, I'm not sad she is now out of pain, but I am sad because I will miss her.

Crystal accepted me with open arms.  In a time when I had just lost my own mom to a tragic car accident and I was coming to terms with being gay, she just accepted me.  She treated me as if I was a normal person, deserving love and respect.  She treated me as a friend and a valued member of society, as if this was the only way to treat other people.

A Nervous World

I'm noticing more and more just how much the world has changed.  Because of frightening events around the world, people don't feel very secure.  We live in a nervous world and it really is showing.  If you take a moment to observe this, you'll see it everywhere.

Whether it is someone speeding down the interstate acting as if that one second they will get to their desired location means more than life itself, or the person that has no time for a stop sign, you can see a nervous world.

It could be just someone not having time to connect with close friends and thinking that social media via Facebook or Twitter is all the connection we need.  After all, we have all these social media connections, but were often too busy to really connect with one another through the heart.  Again, we live in a nervous world.

Easing My Lower Back Pain

Yesterday in a blink of an eye, I felt that twinge.  I was just leaning down on the floor to take a picture of my cat, when all of the sudden, I felt that OUCH in my lower back.  The only thing I could do at that moment was put my camera down, roll over and lay on the floor.  I wanted to cry.  The pain was intense.  I probably did cry!

It was difficult to move at first.  I wasn't sure if I could get up or not.  The panic set in and the fears crowded my mind as I lay on the cold floor, letting the spasms subside just a little.

Its an all too familiar pain for me and not because this happens a lot, but because many years ago, it set off paralysis in me.  I still remember that fateful day of leaving church because my back was hurting so much.  I came home and laid down, only to have my entire world turned upside down.  You can read more about that in my book, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma.

Stress And Body Aches and Pains

Over the past couple of weeks, life has been pretty stressful.  For some people, my stress is pretty small and insignificant to what they are dealing with in their own lives.  Unfortunately, stress is stress and how it impacts each one of us is so dependent upon many factors.

Many of us go through our lives thinking that we really don't have that much stress in our bodies.  We many feel it ever now and then, but for the most part, we don't notice the pain.  Does that mean we don't have stress residing in our body or pain for that fact?  No, it does not.

We all have pain and stress, but unfortunately it has gone on for so long that we have become so numb to it, that we don't notice it.  You can try to convince me that this is not true, but I've been around the block a few times.  I not only have seen evidence of it in my own body, but in many others.  You see, the more we are numb, the less we feel.  Our life has to undergo a tremendous amount of stressful experiences and build up of daily stress before we begin to see these things show up.

The Ocean Is My Refuge

Some days, it is easy to feel like I'm all alone.  Some days I still struggle with moments of deep depression that makes my view of the world around me distorted.  Most days, I'm fine and I deal with life, but there is moments like the current where I feel like a whack-a-mole.

Then today, I had just a few brief moments and drove to the ocean.  The ocean is my refuge.  I love sitting there or walking close to it, seeing the vastness stretch before my eyes.  I love the feeling of the ocean air, giving life to my weary body.  I love the acceptance and possibility I get when I see the ocean.

Today, I took my brand new Canon T3i camera along with me.  Now, I'm no professional.  I barely know how to use this camera.  All these years, I've been using the simple point and click cameras, so this new camera is quite the thing to learn.  I'm learning at break neck speed and still feel like I'm completely lost.

Helping One Another

All too often we go through our day oblivious to the difficulties those around us are going through in their life.  Helping one another becomes a YouTube fad or sensation, but often times the true, heart-felt moments don't happen.  There is too much greed in our society and too much selfishness at times.  Even in the noble moments, we often fail to really help one another.

While I realize you can't help everyone as Marcus Lemonis said in an episode of Secret Millionaire, there is much we can do.  If we live our lives where everything is about me, myself and I, then we're missing a major part of the human experience.  Sometimes we have to wake up and open our eyes to realize life is so much more.

Our world needs help, whether it is in some country far away, or in our backyard.  Greed has become the life blood of the world, choking out those that are shoved down by the thugs of society.  Yet, even in the midst of greed, there are still bright spots of people that are trying to make a difference.

Go Forth Into Fear

I was reminded of this topic not long ago.  While I had been thinking that something I was about ready to embark upon made my knees knock, I was forgetting that there was another side to this.  One friend pointed out to me that even when I was afraid, I was willing to go into my fears.

Go forth into fear is something that I often forget I do.  Yet, as my friend pointed out, even if I'm afraid, I still go into the fear.  Its easy to chastise myself for not doing enough or not being enough, but in all reality, I am often more than I think I am.

In all reality, I'm pretty hard on myself at times.  Even though I've done a lot of work on this and come a long ways, I still don't always give myself a break.  I demand perfection of everything I do.  Its exhausting at times and robs me of so much in life.

As I think about going forth into fear, I'm taken back to so many events of my life.  Feeling like there was no ounce of energy left or having complete confusion about what the next step was.  Sometimes going into the fears meant dealing with anger, sadness, pain and many other emotions.