Dealing With Regret

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and we hold ourselves back.  It is easy to allow our lives to be consumed by regret, but we are doing this at our expense.  Regret not only takes us from a point of evaluating our previous days, but if we aren't careful, it can paralyze our future days.

Like most other people in life, I'm sure I am not the only one that has had moments of regret.  There have been actions that I took which led me into things I would have not wished upon anyone.  There are moments of shame that I wish I could have stepped out of and not had to live with it as many years as I did.  There have been decisions that I have made which I wished I could have went back and changed.

Regret though can be a killer.  Sometimes regret has hog-tied me to the point of keeping me from moving forward.  Regret loves fear and it often walks hand in hand with it.

I'm sure if I asked you what one thing you had regret for in life, it would not be difficult to name.  However, if I asked how you began to let regret go and began dealing with it, the answer would be much harder to state.  Unfortunately too many of us continue to harbor regret for most of our life.  We don't let go of it because of the shame and fear associated with it.

Love Is Uncertain And Risky

Love is uncertain. It’s incredibly risky. And loving someone leaves us emotionally exposed. Yes, it’s scary and yes, we’re open to being hurt, but can you imagine your life without loving or being loved? - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (Pg 34)

What The World Eats

We all think we have it bad sometimes (and some of us do), and we often think we are the most healthy eaters in the world.  Yet, when you look at things from a bigger picture, you'll learn some interesting facts that may make you a little uncomfortable. 

This article in TIME shows it in a way like no other can.  Take a look at the link to the story, What the World Eats:  A Week's Worth Of Groceries.  If this doesn't touch you in a deep way, I will be surprised.

People Only See What They Want To See

All too often we hide our heads in the sand acting as if that's all we know when in reality, we've know that isn't true.  People only see what they want to see and if they don't want to see it, it remains hidden from view.  To think that all other people do this is like thinking you can jump up and touch a cloud high in the sky.

I'm reading about how the wife of the suspected bombing terrorist was so shocked to learn that her husband was involved in this.  While I'm sure she was shocked and had no clue, it wasn't because they didn't know.  It was more likely that she just didn't want to see this.  After all, her friends are saying that the guy was not the nicest guy to be around or live with.  Again, we only see what we want to see.

In my house growing up, all kinds of abuse was taking place while most of the family didn't know it was happening to each other.  It was far easier to just go around and live like everything was so great and everyone was happy and there was nothing wrong.  It was easier to just not talk about it, mainly because of the fear of repercussion, but it didn't mean it was not going on.

Years after I was gone from this situation, I learned of another family member who went through stuff I was not aware of until they told me.  They were angry at me for not protecting them and stopping it, but I was just a kid for one and at the time, I was in college not realizing what was happening at home.  In my mind, I had hoped and convinced myself that it had stopped.  Boy, had I fooled myself into only seeing what I wanted to see.

Anyone Understand Conversion Disorder?

Day after day, I see searches on a subject near and dear to my heart that proves too many talking voices on the internet is not a good thing.  So many write the same thing about what conversion disorder is that makes me wonder if these people are just trying to hear themselves speak.  I'm serious here that this is a disgrace to the human existence.  People either need to wake up and show that they understand this or sit down in the cheap seats and listen to those that do.

If you are offended by what I write, I do not apologize for this.  If you are offended by that, again I do not apologize for this.  There are so many people reaching out for help and wondering does anyone understand conversion disorder.  What do they get in return?  A bunch of repeated and regurgitated gobbledygook that says nothing, does nothing and shoves them deeper into a world of confusion and despair.  Shame on all those that propagate this on in the name of hearing themselves speak.  If you are one of them, shame on you!

Conversion disorder is a serious condition and when someone is in this, it is hard enough to get an accurate diagnosis, let alone be told that diagnosis.  When you suffer from this, your entire world falls apart and you learn that there is not one thing you can trust in the world.  You cannot trust others to stand by your side that have been with you all your life and you cannot trust your body that it will function from one moment to the next.  Your life becomes a living hell of helplessness and uncertainty.

Each day that you live in this fog of despair and you wonder if you will make it, no one understands you and the medical establishment often fails miserably because of their own inadequacies.  Each day you live in this horror and torment, you wonder if the next minute will hold something you will not be able to deal with in your day, or will it be something that you can not guess what it might be from minute to minute.  The symptoms change, and the exhaustion comes as a friend but yet, no one seems to have answers.

Trauma In Conversion Disorder

Here is a very good article about how we numb our life when faced with very traumatic situations.  In the case of Conversion Disorder (also known as Functional Neurological Disorder), people who suffer from this, readily and easily minimize trauma.

When I went through the paralysis in 1991 (read my book for more details), I could have convinced not only myself but the world that everything was fine.  I didn't want to even think about anything that I had been through and so I did not.  I fooled many people including myself, but yet deep down I knew I was holding on to secrets.

Our minds deal with trauma in the best way they know how.  It isn't so much that we want to fake others out or hide from the truth, but that the events are usually so overwhelming, that there is no other choice.  Our brains go to great lengths to protect us and in the face of trauma, numbing and minimizing is the first line of defense.

While I realize that most people who are faced with a diagnosis of conversion disorder or who may not even have arrived at that connection yet, do not want to think something is wrong with them psychologically.  They usually do not want to piece the trauma and the physical symptoms together.  Instead, they generally try to avoid that and demand or seek out any treatment which might give them temporary relief.

What Is Your ACE Score?

I'm sure that title probably made you ask the following question.  "What is an ACE Score?"   Glad you asked!  ACE stands for adverse childhood experience.  The score attempts to determine how many adverse experiences an individual has had in their childhood because the higher the score, the greater the risk of having some serious health conditions later in life.

While most humans wait until these conditions show up and then want medications to fix the health condition, few realize just how much impact these early experiences had upon our life.  If we realize the impact they had upon our life, we are often led to believe there is little we can do about them now, short of taking medications and going through medical procedures.  However, this is not necessarily the case.

It does not require that you have been through horrendous trauma as a child because at the end of the day, trauma is trauma.  Yes, the more you have to deal with from childhood, the more difficult the challenge to overcome it.  We've all got something in our past most likely and instead of looking at it as a badge of honor or something to run away from, we should learn how to deal with it in our life.

Daily Angel Meditations May 6

Another website that I have created and write for daily is filled with positive and uplifting messages of growth and awareness.  It is called Daily Angel Meditation and is created from my morning meditations with the angels.  As I take time out in the beginning of my day, I record whatever comes to me.  I start out with a blank piece of paper and no preconceived ideas of what to write.  I then allow the words to fill the page, connecting with what my angels have to say.


Here are selected blog posts beginning the week of May 6, 2013.  I have tried to summarize them briefly and give the actual link to them.  To visit the website, just go to DonShetterly.com .

Right now, I've not been able to keep up with the blog, Daily Angel Meditations, but I am trying to keep up these thoughts.  Once my schedule permits, I hope to return to these daily journal writings.

May 6, 2013 (Monday)

Topic: No Blog Post
If you expect the unexpected, you will never begin to realize all the possibilities that show up in your day.  Seeing life through potential is potential.  Seeing life unfold in every way possible is what living is all about.. 

Vulnerability Is Weakness Myth

The perception that vulnerability is weakness is the most widely accepted myth about vulnerability and the most dangerous. When we spend our lives pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or from being perceived as too emotional, we feel contempt when others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, suck it up, and soldier on. We’ve come to the point where, rather than respecting and appreciating the courage and daring behind vulnerability, we let our fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism. - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (pg 33)

Fear, Disengagement And Courage

No matter where I went or with whom I was speaking, the core issues were the same: fear, disengagement, and yearning for more courage. - Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (pg 15)

Clean Your Own Windows First

I read something on a Facebook page recently of someone I don't know.  While I'm not going to reference the Facebook site that they shared, it was a religious one.  Actually this site looked to be a little more balanced than most, but the person sharing it had all kinds of JUDGMENTAL posts on this page.  It is funny to me that people will share things that are so good, but they don't even take to heart what it is that they share.

In the shared item, the story went something along the lines of a person who was critical of the neighbors.  In fact, it was about the neighbors laundry on the clothes line.  The person in this story constantly complained to her husband that the neighbor did not know how to do laundry.  For every time the neighbor did the laundry and hung it on the line, it appeared dirty.  It was not until one day she realized that the neighbor's laundry looked clean and exclaimed to her husband, that they must have figured out how to do laundry.  It was not until her husband told her that he got up early that day and cleaned their windows that she understood who it was that had the problem.

You see, it is easy for us to point out all the things wrong that other people do.  A funny thing happens when we do this though.  We usually are pointing out our own short comings and failure, only we can't even see beyond our disdain for others that we are doing this.  It isn't until we clean our own windows first that we begin to see more clearly in life.  If you think this is not rampant in our society, just read the daily news or look at a comment section on a news website.

Forgiveness Haunts Survivors

For too many survivors, this single issue haunts them every day of their life.  Especially when you have been raised in a religious setting where you were brainwashed while abuse took place, the concept of forgiveness is like a knife being stabbed in your back.  To those that have not experienced this, they make the horrendous mistake of attempting to convince others that they must forgive in order to heal.

While forgiveness is a step of healing when the individual is ready for it, until they are at that point, it can be quite hurtful and harmful.  To clarify my statement, I'm referring to the mix-up in how forgiveness is often perceived and what it actually is to many people.  In all reality, forgiveness is not as cut and dried as people want everyone to believe.  It comes with a great deal of baggage that makes it one of the most difficult aspects of healing.

In my early days of life, I was raised in a church and forgiveness meant something totally different than it does in a healthy situation.  Forgiveness meant that you were to no longer talk about the "transgression or sin" that the person did.  It meant that event never happened of if you know it did, that you are now required to no longer see it as something that once happened.

Tylenol And The Mind Body

One of the most overdosed substances in the world is something you would not even think about.  About 60,000 people in the US are admitted to the hospital for an overdose of acetaminophen.  Before you start scratching your head to figure out what that is, acetaminophen is the active drug in Tylenol and can also be found in Vicodin and Percocet.

In a 2009 research study, it showed that acetaminophen actually dulled social anxiety.  In much the same way that something like alcohol or Xanax might do, this substance acted the same way.  Further research has found that it has an affect on how people make moral judgements.

Physical pain and social anxiety share a common pathway in our nervous system.  So if you stop one, then you have stopped the other.  In other words, by removing physical pain, you are dulling the sense of moral judgment and social anxiety.

At one time I took Tylenol for headaches among a whole host of other over-the-counter medications.  From an early age, if I got a sniffle, then there was some type of medication pushed at me.  In fact, if I didn't take it, I was punished in one form or another.