After 16 Years

I never thought this day would come.  After 16 years, we're finally married.  For much of that 16 years, we never had the option to legally get married.  It was not until the Supreme Court decision for marriage equality on June 26, 2015 that made this possible.

I cannot begin to describe what it means to be able to finally be married,  Yes, we waited some time from the moment we could get married until we actually did it.  I proposed on December 25, 2014, but it all came home after the Pulse Orlando shooting.  We did not want to be in a situation where something would happen to one of us and legally we could not be there for the other.  In that light, it became imperative to do this sooner than later.

We had begun to plan a beautiful beach wedding with close friends and family, but life got in the way and so those plans had to get abandoned.

To keep things simple and because we wanted to get this done, we went down to the Orlando Courthouse and exchanged our vows.  In fact, we were only a couple of miles from the Pulse nightclub and it felt good to celebrate that which the shooter tried to destroy.

Having immediate family there made all the difference.  I was nervous.  In fact, I think we both were pretty nervous.  I don't quite remember the vows because my mind was in a daze.  I tried to hold back the tears, but the emotions were deep.  After all, after 16 years, we finally were getting to make our love for one another permanent.

It all seemed like a blur.  Before the wedding, we wondered if this ceremony would really have much of an impact.  Would it change things?  I mean being together for 16 years, we really do know each other.  In the marriage counseling online course we took, the discussion helped us to learn more about ourselves.

I can honestly say though, that after the wedding ceremony, it definitely changed things.  It felt more permanent.  It felt like we were finally standing up in front of family and friends and saying - hey - we love each other and we mean the world to each other.  It was a precious moment that I will never forget.

As we enjoyed the rest of the day, I found myself realizing that I no longer had to be jealous of those that could get married.  We were now one of them.  We were no longer second class citizens - we had the same rights.  I'm not a political person, but I sure was tired of being used as something cheap in the realm of politics and religion.

We no longer have to worry about the future or anything else, because we know that our relationship is now recognized and we are one with each other.  It feels strange that after 16 years, we've only just begun.  The years have gone by quickly.

My eyes are star filled and glazed, but my love has grown deeper for the man I love.  I'm not going to hide it anymore.  If someone does not have the capacity to accept me and us for the way we are, then I realize it is not a problem I can worry about any longer.

On July 26, 2016 we pledged our love for one another and I'm the happiest guy in the world right now.  I love my husband with all my heart and we both respect each other with the highest respect you can give to another human.  We see each other for what we are, not what we think they should be.  We accept each other as they are and together we've grown so much over the past 16 years.

It wasn't that long ago in life before I met him that I wondered if true love was possible.  I wondered if it could last, when I met someone.  When we met, I wasn't looking for a relationship and when we met, I wasn't even ready to accept I was gay.  My heart knew immediately though from that moment we first said hello.

Even with the past and all the difficulties we have both faced in life, we are there for each other.  Out of the love we share, we are growing and making it in life.  We face the day with new hope and possibility and we enjoy the warm embrace of love that our two hearts share.

I wear my new wedding ring with pride.  I cherish it and the symbol that it portrays.   It means so much to me to wear this ring.  My heart sings with joy.  My heart rejoices in the joy and love that I have found in a person I love so very much.

LGBTq people have come a long ways and what was once barely talked about is more accepted in society.  Being gay is not a choice.  If it was, I think many of us would have not wished to go through some of the horror we have.  Being gay is who we are.  It is how we are made.  Instead of hating those who are gay, let us love one another without conditions and strings attached.  Let us love one another as humans should.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Glued To The News Of A Tragedy

Lately, we are overloaded as a people.  Our nervous systems are designed to handle a great deal and so is our brain.  Yet, when we see events of the past few weeks unfolding every day, we push the limits of all that we can endure.

If we are glued to the news of a tragedy, it can be just as harmful in my view as if we were right there involved in the tragedy.  I say this because I can see it in myself.  When we watch the images that are repeated over and over, its like we are re-traumatizing ourselves.  It imprints into our brain and wires us with emotion to make this a very strong neural pathway.

Even if we hover over every news article and tweet or Facebook posting, we are allowing ourselves to be glued to the news of a tragedy.  It is not healthy for us.  It keeps our body revved up as if the events are happening and continuing to happen.

It keeps fear alive inside of us...

It keeps fear alive inside of us because when we see these things unfold, it connects with that part within our mind and body that says, "it is not safe".  When we connect with the unsafe part, it recalls all those memories where we did not feel safe.  It re-traumatizes us as if not only this current event is happening, but that there is a strong basis for past events to have happened.

When we keep our body and our mind ramped up in fear, we are not taking care of ourselves.  We are not allowing our nervous system to calm down.  We are not feeling in our body, because the last thing that fear does is allow you to feel anything in your body.  The less we feel, the more we set ourselves up for illness and health conditions that will have an environment to grow.

Our nervous systems are overloaded...

Our nervous systems are already overloaded in this world.  We have pushed ourselves far beyond the normal limits of healthy behavior.  Events like we've seen unfold lately only push those limits into the upper ends of the danger zones for our mind and body.

It is up to each one of us to limit how much we take in during these tragedies of life.  Being glued to the news is not something that is helpful.  I'm not telling you to stick your head in the sand, but limit your intake of this harmful and toxic news that is replayed hour upon hour.

The media's goal is to keep you hooked into their programming so they make money.  They are not here for our evolution or awareness or consciousness.  If they limit what they show, you'll turn to those that don't.  If you truly want to take care of yourself, then don't glue yourself to the news of a tragedy.  It will only harm you, not help you.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Telling Everyone What To Do

Why is it that humans do this?  I mean, it seems like humans feel like they need to tell everyone what to do.  Is it because they are superior to other people or they just can't help themselves?

I see this happen far too often.  I grew up with it in my house where you had a million people telling you what to do before you knew you needed to hear this.  I still remember learning to drive and between my mom, dad and older brother, I generally had three people all screaming at one time where to park, where to turn, or what to do next.  Talk about a chorus of crazy talk!

Sometimes people just want to share with you what they are struggling with in their mind.  I know I do this.  It is part of how I think through things and if I can verbalize it, then my mind is more able to clearly focus on what is happening.  I generally talk as a way of seeing options and working through the questions that arise.

Unfortunately, far too many people take this as my inability to figure out what I need to do.  Not all that I know do this, but there are several that will readily do this.  It really begins to irritate me because most of the time, very few have all the facts and knowledge that I do on a particular matter.  They haven't walked a mile in my shoes.

It isn't just me though that I see this play out.  I see it in all kinds of people, especially on social media and the internet.  If you say you have a sniffle, people are pretty quick to tell you what you should take to get rid of that.  After all, everyone is a doctor on social media.  If you share a thought online, most of the time no one really reads the whole things, but they are commenting quickly and telling you what you should do, how you should do it and when you should do it.

If you look at the news and politics, there are many that will tell you quickly just what you should be doing with your life, how you should be living and that if you think anything but the way they think, you are wrong. They will tell you how you need get your life in order and that they have the answers for everything you must follow.

Take a look at churches, okay some churches but maybe not all churches.  Some of these people will be quick to tell you how much you have sinned or fallen away from Jesus.  Some will tell you that if you don't do what they say, your life will be nothing but problems and unanswered questions.  They are so quick to tell everyone what to do, it can make your head spin.

Instead of telling everyone what to do, we really need to learn how to listen.  When you listen, it means that you're not talking and telling them what to do.  It means you are listening.  It means the ears are more engaged then the mouth.  It means, you're honoring and respecting the other person by giving your attention to them.

The need to tell everyone what to do comes from the ego. It is often hidden from the individual because the ego is crafty and sneaky.  It does not want you to see what you are actually doing.  Only by becoming conscious and aware can you see what it is that you do.

We don't help the world and everyone around us by telling everyone what to do.  We don't help impact the world in positive ways by making sure that others know what we think, rather than just listening to them.  The art of listening is so underused, but the art of telling others what to do is so over-rated.  May we learn to listen more and refrain from telling everyone what to do.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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