Pushing Beyond The Fears - Part Two

This is Part 2 in a 2 part series.  Please begin by reading Part 1.

I was so miserable inside and I felt my life longing to be more than I was. There was something inside of me that kept pushing me forward. It kept pushing me beyond my fears. So, then it happened! I decided to help out Duplin Outdoor Drama, selling tickets. Okay, it wasn’t anything earth shattering. Millions of people could have done that, but to me it was still hiding behind a table handling cash, but taking a major baby step to go beyond my four walls. It was a slow emergence out into the world, but all the time hiding behind a barrier (aka the table that separated me from the people wanting to buy tickets to the show.) Soon, I was taking on more and more responsibilities, from helping to line up workers to manage the ticket tables, to making the deposits into the bank after the show. In time, I would be elected to the board of directors and help run the organization, along with other volunteers.

Maybe this doesn’t sound like something earth shattering and in many ways it is not. Yet, by putting myself out there into something I would normally have never done in a million years, I began to heal myself from this fear. In fact, I began to make some close friends and when I had to leave there a year later to catch another journey in my life, I was saddened by the thought of leaving this place. Only a year earlier, I had been so afraid to venture out into this world.

Pushing Beyond The Fears - Part One

In a not so distant time, I remember being so afraid to leave the walls of my house. Of course, it was just another fear that I had to deal with. While this particular fear has a shape and size to it, what I did to go beyond translates into many other types of fears. For in this moment that I experienced this, I was so afraid to move beyond the current situation I was in. Pushing beyond the fears was anything but a comforting thought in my mind.

You see, I was afraid to leave the house. If I was not going to my house or to the store to buy groceries, I did not leave my four walls. It was only out of necessity that I left the walls I was in. I felt safe and secure in my home with the windows closed, blinds drawn, and doors locked. I felt safe within the confines of my home where I was hidden from the outside world. I did not want visitors and I encouraged no one. I had very few close friends that were not work related and I only socialized with them when it was required during the course of a business day.

People were a threat. The outside world was a threat. Pushing beyond the fears of my four walls was like asking me to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. This was not going to happen. Anxiety would build up within me every time I even gave the slightest thought to venturing outside. Even if I went to the store, it was timed to be during moments of the day when I thought there would be the fewest people in the store. I did not want to see, talk, or be around any more people than I absolutely needed to.

What Is Fear?

Fear is the emotional response to a perceived threat, real or imagined. It is one of our basic innate emotions. Fear is associated with the actions of escape or avoidance.

In the book, "The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals" by Charles Darwin, he gives an excellent and vivid description of fear.

Fear is often preceded by astonishment, and is so far akin to it, that both lead to the senses of sight and hearing being instantly aroused. In both cases the eyes and mouth are widely opened, and the eyebrows raised. The frightened man at first stands like a statue motionless and breathless, or crouches down as if instinctively to escape observation. The heart beats quickly and violently, so that it palpitates or knocks against the ribs... That the skin is much affected under the sense of great fear, we see in the marvelous manner in which perspiration immediately exudes from it... The hairs also on the skin stand erect; and the superficial muscles shiver. In connection with the disturbed action of the heart, the breathing is hurried. The salivary glands act imperfectly; the mouth becomes dry, and is often opened and shut.

Fear is a normal response to protect us from danger and if we could not feel it, we would not be able to protect ourselves. Our life experiences alter how we feel and perceive fears in our lives. All too often, people who have been traumatized are triggered by current experiences that have no basis in real dangers. The fear then becomes a connection to an event that is not real in the moment but is perceived by that person.

The parts of the brain that are involved in the fear response include the amygdala which stores emotional memories including fear memories, the hippocampus which puts memories and experience in context to the stimuli being faced, the thalamus which decides where to send incoming data that it receives and the hypothalamus which is responsible for the fight or flight response.

Many times, we hear people tell us or others to not be afraid and portray fear to be something that is bad or negative. All emotions are part of our mind and body for a reason whether they are from real or perceived sources. Our job should not be to discount, abhor, or condemn these emotions. Instead our job should be to embrace all of our emotions whether we feel they are positive or negative and fully become aware of how they impact our mind, our body and our personal growth.

Too often, our society tries to control others and bring others in line with what we feel is the proper way to look at some aspect of life. The use of fear is one of the main ways that this is done and all you have to do is look around yourself in a day, and you can see evidence of this. From the government and their policies, to politics, schools, society norms, religious institutions and even down into the family practices and norms. Fear is often used as a weapon against others. Even the news media is extremely skilled at using fear to get us to tune into the news programs.

Take a step back though and consider just how valuable fear is to our lives. It helps protect us and keep us from doing harmful things to ourselves and others. If we embrace it and we go into the fear, our lives become much more rich and full and alive. Of course, if we constantly overwhelm ourselves with fear from every direction, than fear becomes a hindrance to our lives.

Fear holds great power and energy and if we push it down in our lives and try to distance ourselves from it, than it will rob us of so much. Fear is potential energy that can be used to create a chair reaction of events into further awareness and potential benefit. We can learn so much from it and use it to move us forward into situations that benefit our lives and our growth.

Often we are so afraid of fear and we are so overwhelmed in life that we can not deal with fear. We find ways to avoid it and run from it while it finds ways to get out attention. We may think we are avoiding it or just not thinking about fear but in the end, we are only fooling ourselves. If we continue to fool ourselves, our fears will get our attention and they will force us to deal with them. The sooner we begin to listen to our fears and embrace them, the better off we will be.



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