Being Okay With This Moment

It isn't easy for me at times.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed even with all the extensive work I have done on myself.  Other times, it feels like smooth sailing.  The one thing I have realized in this healing journey is that the deeper you allow yourself to go, you just have no idea where that will take you.

Being okay with this moment is often tough for us humans.  It just is!  We're usually standing in the darkness of a cave or the fog of the unknown world around us.  But being okay - now that's like super challenge for the superhero.

I have found though, that being in the midst of what you don't know is often the best way to find what you need.  That may sound like doublespeak, but I've found it to be true.  Allowing myself just go in and be okay with where I am at is sometimes the launching point for so much more in my life.

There are times when we face so much in life and sometimes I don't believe there are always answers immediately looking at us in the eye.  Sometimes, I don't think we are ready for those answers.  Yes, it seems tough in the moments and we often struggle to make sense of it, but sometimes things are just the way they are because they are.

As one goes deeper and deeper into healing trauma, you will see new layers unlike you have ever seen before.  Some of them get pretty deep and challenging, but as you go, you have more and more skills to harness what is before you.  You are operating at a higher level then you have been, and so you will move through these things, if you just allow yourself to be okay with this moment.


One of the things that has never fully 100% come back from my days of Conversion Disorder and paralysis is my memory.  I struggle with it.  Yes, I realize many people do, but my struggle is a little different than most.  I remember what therapist asking me, "can you be okay with this?"  At first I was like, well of course I can, I have to be strong.  However, the more I thought about that question, the more I realized it wasn't as easy as it sounded.  It is not easy to just be okay with it.

Another time where I had a rash that covered my entire body from trauma memories of years gone past.  It was going to that place of being okay in this moment that I could find what I needed to heal from this horrible condition I was facing.  I'm not saying it was easy.  I'm saying I needed to be okay with this moment so I could actually move forward and heal.

We all want a quick fix but often what seems like a quick fix is nothing more than a big detour from where we need to go.  Sometimes stopping the car in road of life, we can take a moment and be okay knowing that we're studying our road map to find where the route ahead leads us.

Being okay with this moment is often what we need to do and I do agree its challenging.  However, its the stuff that super healers are made of and it is empowering.  I'm sure I'm not the only that has seen this in action and if you have seen it, please leave your story in the comments below.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Telling Others What To Do

All too often, the opinionated in our society feel that they have all the answers.  They think it is their job to tell others what to do.  I've seen it a million times, especially when it comes to life's challenges and mental health.  Often, the ones doing the telling have no clue what the individual is going through.

When I got out of the hospital after going through Conversion Disorder, there was no shortage of people telling me what I should do.  In fact, it just got to be a normal thing to endure.  One lady in particular told me that I didn't need those doctors.  All I needed was to pray.  Whatever your view of prayer is, I responded to her that day, "if you broke your arm, would you just pray about it or would you go find a doctor?"  Of course, she did not have much to say to that one.

Sometimes when you're going through rough moments and patches where it seems dark, the last thing you need is 50 million people telling you what to do.  Most of the time they do not even know the full circumstances of what you are experiencing, but it doesn't stop them from being the authority.  Sometimes their "quick fix" is more harmful than if they just let you be.  Sometimes you just need to wallow in the mud pit to cool off like a pig wallowing in mud.

None of us truly know what the other person is going through.  For us to be telling others what to do is really more about our own ego or being uncomfortable with the subject and issue in our life.

I remember one guy that got so upset with me one time.  Here he was beloved by all and always portrayed to the "organization followers" that he was some great person with love in his heart.  However, when I came around and was sharing briefly what I had been learning in life, he thought I was going to mention that gawd-awful subject, child sexual abuse.  I had not even planned on saying that, but he made me so uncomfortable with his bully attitude just because it was an issue had had not dealt with in his life.

When you send memes to people thinking that a sentence or two will solve all their problems, you're really not helping.  You are just pushing the individual deeper into the cave of their despair.  If they could see the way forward, they would be taking the steps.  Sometimes the meme is one of most dangerous bullets that people fire at one another on social media.

Telling others what to do is not really what people surviving trauma and despair really need.  They need an ear to listen to them.  They need to know someone is sitting close by just being there with them if they falter when taking a step.  Sometimes your presence without judgement is more valuable than any word you can utter.

Telling others what to do is a horrible way for humans to interact.  It is far more helpful to people if you can share an experience you've been through - IF THEY ARE READY FOR THAT.  Have compassion by keeping your beliefs and opinions to yourself and just being there for someone.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---

Reclaiming Healthy Touch After Trauma

While this was a term paper I wrote for school many years ago, I think it is still relevant today.  Yes, I have learned a great deal since that time, but the information is still solid.  The term paper was on reclaiming healthy touch after trauma.

In the paper, I discuss various considerations and aspects of working with someone that has been traumatized through abuse, rape, or other means.  There is discussion about how different forms of bodywork can be helpful and more details about each one.

Why reclaiming healthy touch is important is the beginning of the paper and it also touches on the subject of how trauma affects the brain.  Looking for the evidence of trauma in the body is also a major consideration because if you don't know what you are looking for, it will pass right before your eyes.  You will not even see it.

With all survivors of trauma, there are special considerations that you should be aware of  in working with them, but by all means this is not an exhaustive list.

I still remember my first time working as a volunteer at a domestic violence resource center.  We were doing full body massage on the participants.  One individual came in and got under the sheets while staying fully clothed.  There was no way that this trauma survivor could allow me to work on them without their clothes on.  I learned that day, that you can touch someone with their clothes on and have profound effects.

It helps that I too was a trauma survivor.  It is easier for me to understand what a trauma survivor is going through when I know firsthand in my own body how that feels.  My body did not always like to be touched and it took someone with healthy and safe boundaries to break past this.  I know first hand how difficult it can be to reclaim healthy touch.

For the full paper, click on the following links.  I have broke it up into sections so it is easier to read and navigate.

Reclaiming Healthy Touch 

1. Introduction
2. Why Reclaiming Healthy Touch Matters
3. How Does Trauma Affect The Brain
4. Evidence Of Trauma In The Body
5. Special Considerations Reclaiming Healthy Touch
6. Full Body Massage And Trauma Survivors
7. Other Forms Of Body Work Helpful To Trauma Survivors
8. Reclaiming Healthy Touch In My Life
9. Sources And Additional Resources

If you would like to read more about my story and how I healed my life from trauma which involved conversion disorder and paralysis, my book can be found on Amazon.  It is called Hope And Possibility Through Trauma by Don Shetterly.

---

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

---