Thursday, May 12, 2016

Telling Others What To Do

All too often, the opinionated in our society feel that they have all the answers.  They think it is their job to tell others what to do.  I've seen it a million times, especially when it comes to life's challenges and mental health.  Often, the ones doing the telling have no clue what the individual is going through.

When I got out of the hospital after going through Conversion Disorder, there was no shortage of people telling me what I should do.  In fact, it just got to be a normal thing to endure.  One lady in particular told me that I didn't need those doctors.  All I needed was to pray.  Whatever your view of prayer is, I responded to her that day, "if you broke your arm, would you just pray about it or would you go find a doctor?"  Of course, she did not have much to say to that one.

Sometimes when you're going through rough moments and patches where it seems dark, the last thing you need is 50 million people telling you what to do.  Most of the time they do not even know the full circumstances of what you are experiencing, but it doesn't stop them from being the authority.  Sometimes their "quick fix" is more harmful than if they just let you be.  Sometimes you just need to wallow in the mud pit to cool off like a pig wallowing in mud.

None of us truly know what the other person is going through.  For us to be telling others what to do is really more about our own ego or being uncomfortable with the subject and issue in our life.

I remember one guy that got so upset with me one time.  Here he was beloved by all and always portrayed to the "organization followers" that he was some great person with love in his heart.  However, when I came around and was sharing briefly what I had been learning in life, he thought I was going to mention that gawd-awful subject, child sexual abuse.  I had not even planned on saying that, but he made me so uncomfortable with his bully attitude just because it was an issue had had not dealt with in his life.

When you send memes to people thinking that a sentence or two will solve all their problems, you're really not helping.  You are just pushing the individual deeper into the cave of their despair.  If they could see the way forward, they would be taking the steps.  Sometimes the meme is one of most dangerous bullets that people fire at one another on social media.

Telling others what to do is not really what people surviving trauma and despair really need.  They need an ear to listen to them.  They need to know someone is sitting close by just being there with them if they falter when taking a step.  Sometimes your presence without judgement is more valuable than any word you can utter.

Telling others what to do is a horrible way for humans to interact.  It is far more helpful to people if you can share an experience you've been through - IF THEY ARE READY FOR THAT.  Have compassion by keeping your beliefs and opinions to yourself and just being there for someone.

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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  1. Well said. Thank you.

    What is a Conversion Disorder?

    1. This blog post will give much more detail on what Conversion Disorder is.

    2. Conversion Disorder is when you convert events/experiences/stressors and other things into physical symptoms. That's the basic definition. It shows up in many ways from pseudosesizures to paralysis or speech issues, among many others. The link above will give you more information.






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