Friday, October 20, 2017

Abused By Being Ignored

(Written By Don Shetterly)
This is a big trigger for me, and right now it is in full force.  It isn't just one trigger, but multiple ones from multiple sources right now.  Being ignored is not something that is easy for me to deal with in life.

At one time, the abusers sought to ignore me if I didn't do what they wanted.  It wasn't just me as they did it to everyone in the house.  Ignoring you meant you were less than and not worthy of love or attention or even one iota of concern.  This was in addition to having to fight for attention from others in the family that did so much stupid stuff, they readily got attention.

I don't deal with this well.  In fact, as I'm writing this I think I should just go completely quiet and never speak to anyone again.  I'll stop tweeting, texting, and blogging.  That's the way I feel at this moment.

For me, my friends and people I know mean the world to me.  You don't get past that wall very easily, and when you do, you're very special to me.  I realize that everyone has their busy lives with jobs, work, family, and other things.  I get that.  I really do.

Some days, I feel like if I went and ranted and raved about the latest political firestorm of the day, others would listen and want to engage.  I just have no desire to swim in that mud pit.  I'm not about to start because I see the political firestorms as being nothing more than people screaming while no one is listening.

I feel hurt when I think I'm being ignored, regardless of the reason or issue or who is doing it.  Most likely others don't mean to ignore me, but it feels that way.  When I feel that, it triggers all kinds of bad thoughts in my mind of not being loved or wanted just like many years ago.

For now, I'm probably going to take time away from answering any emails or trying to initiate any emails.  I'm going to ease up on social media a little more because to be quite honest, I'm not sure if it is really worth it.  Maybe this is the way for me to see this.  I don't know.

I try to be there for many, but some days, I feel like I walk alone.  I'm feeling hurt right now and unwanted and unloved.  Maybe tomorrow when I wake up, it will be a new day.  One can hope, can't they?

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly
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