Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Missing Big Chunks Of My Life

Trauma healing isn't fun, easy, or pretty.  Dealing with the memories that surface after having gone through childhood sexual abuse is like walking on land that has many mine fields.  You just never know when you're going to step on something that blows up in your face.

These days, I really feel like there are big chunks missing from my life.  I don't know what it is.  I can't explain it.  I just have that gut sense that there is more to it.

What I mean by missing big chunks of my life is that I've got a few memories scattered here and there, but there is like this big part that I can't recall or remember.  It is almost as if that part of my life didn't exist.

Then there's the emotion that I feel surrounding it, but it's not like I can explain in detail what that emotion is.  It is more of a feeling.  It is more of a confusion, trying to comprehend what is going on.

I know I've been at this point before many times and I did get through it.  It is important that I keep reminding myself of that.  Yet, it doesn't make it any easier.  I'm not about to let it stop me in my tracks either.

I wish I knew what the missing chunk was in my life.  I wish I could describe better the way it feels.  For now, I've got to be content in just knowing that at some point it will make itself known and I'll have an opportunity to go further and deeper into my own healing.


I thought it would be helpful to others if I just shared this part of my process.  Hopefully, it will help someone else know that they too are not alone, and that others have walked these same paths.

In the end, I recognize that it is part of my healing process - part of my ongoing healing process.  Healing from trauma is not a one time event or a level you reach.  It is an evolution that takes you further through the deep layers of the pain and into the more joy filled parts of who we truly are.

Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly
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