Friday, December 17, 2010

Dreading Christmas

As the dreaded day of Christmas approaches, I find myself feeling at times like I want to cry but I'm afraid the crying will never end once it starts. I find myself wanting to avoid any mention of the holiday and staying clear of the stores at all costs.

Some days I feel overly hyper like I can't possibly sit down and stop but then sometimes in the same moment, I feel as if I'm exhausted - then the back and forth of the emotions starts the process all over again. I feel emotional at times, angry at times and hurt at times.

There are moments when I want to see the lights, decorate the house and bake some Christmas cookies. In the same moments, I want to lash out at anyone who dares mention Christmas to my face.

I long for the fantasy world I experienced during Christmas but along with it, the pain of the illusion is extremely difficult. It gets confusing and yet I know I'm making progress. It is fun at times, but it is exhausting and draining.

To all those that celebrate Christmas and have fun during this holiday, my hat is off to you. It is a time where I feel like one of those toys that you smack and it doesn't quite fall over, but it bounces back up. The only difference in this time for me is I feel like I'm constantly smacked and knocked down. My only hope and saving grace through this time is for December 26th to get here or to bury myself in work that keeps me from thinking about all of this.

Blog Post & Images (c) 12/15/10 Don Shetterly - use by permission only

1 comment:

  1. May your heart and soul find comfort in the love of this season, it certainly is beautiful. I love to gaze at all the little lights, feel their vibrancy. To me each day is Christmas and the 25th is no different than any other 25th. Blessings to you, and may your heart be warm..






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