The Will To Survive

There are many people in this world that have been through extraordinary circumstances and some that are almost too difficult to believe that one can endure as much as they can. Yet, even in the midst of many things that people have had to struggle against, most find a way to make it through what they have encountered.

I'm sure most of them would say that the trying times were difficult beyond belief and at the time they didn't feel as if they could make it. However, in some way, manner or fashion, these people made it. They survived. They had the will to survive.

Today, I'm probably writing this for myself as much as for anyone. My life is no stranger to adversity and situations that an average person could fathom let alone experience. Some people cannot even begin comprehending some of the things that I have been through and to be honest, my mind sometimes has as much difficulty understanding all of it as well.

I think back to my early days on this planet where I was subjected to all kinds of conditions that a child should not have to endure. During those times, I learned how to numb out, to escape and not be present. It was my way of surviving events that were just too great for anyone, let alone a child.

Then I'm taken to the point where I became paralyzed and realizing that from one day to the next, we just never know what can happen. I found out then that life can change in a dramatic way giving us challenges which we were not prepared to face. And through those moments, the strength and courage come to help lift us slowly from this time and place. It is not without its trials, tribulations and weariness that one has to find the will to survive.

I'm reminded of the times that the will to survive included the need to not commit suicide. Even though I tried many times, I was never successful and it was in those worst of moments that somehow, something inside of me kept me going. While many may credit it to a religious figure or what not, I learned that whatever it was that kept me going was deep within me. It was that faintest of faint moments where my life said, "no - it is not your time - you must keep going". It was in those moments where the will to survive met the horrible evil secrets my life was holding. That meeting of two opposites, created the spark that ignited enough sustenance to continue.

Even now as I continue my own healing and I go deeper into the process, I find that time and time again, I come up against some of the worst moments of evil I have fought so hard to forget. I could continue to try and play and hide and seek with them but I know that sooner or later they will find me out. It would seem to be the easier way to deal with them and may feel like it but in the end, it comes down to how far I'm willing to allow myself to travel through my own journey. And believe me, there are many days when I say, this is to much - this is more than any person should have to deal with.

Sometimes I have no clue where the will to survive comes from or how I even find the spark to ignite it. Sometimes, it seems like there is absolutely no hope, no way forward, or no idea to begin the way forward into hope. Sometimes, all that seems to appear is a void of blackness with a lifetime sentence of futility.

It is in these times, when I realize that I may need to crawl back into my bunker and plot the next course of action. It is in these times, when maybe all I can do is look down at my feet and see they are still planted on the path of my life's journey. It is in these times, that just making it through the day is accomplishing as much as building the world's tallest mountain range.

I've even witness the will to survive in many animals I cared for on farms that I managed. If the animals still had the fight left in them and I mean the fight of wanting to stand up or just drink water and eat some food, then they had a chance. The animals that did not have this fight seldom made it. The fight was half the battle and the rest of the battle was their body healing and mending itself.

So if you're facing the dark doom filled glare of the void of darkness in your own life, know that this too shall pass and that you can make it through this. Allow yourself to stop and crawl back into your bunker while you plot the next course of action. Or if that is too much to do, allow yourself to look down and see that your feet are firmly planted on the ground below you. Give yourself the moment to be there without any expectations of what to do next. Give yourself, the option to do this.

I'm not here to tell you that all of life will be easy or these difficult moments will be a piece of cake. I'm not here to tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps or chin up because I know it is much more difficult than that. Most likely it is a difficult time and the despair is knocking on your door. However, just know that this too shall pass and you can make it through it. Remember, the fight is half the battle and as long as you kick, scream, yell and push or whatever it is that you do - you will find your way through it.

And if you think you can't find your way through it and there seems to be no open doors, just closed ones - than look for a window!
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