Treating Others With Grace

I recently read a blog post shared by a friend on Facebook that was touching and moving and made you think.  The blog post was The Lesson Of Grace In Teaching.  All too often it seems like we are all focused on destroying one another to get ahead or to show others that we are somehow superior.  However, we often miss the mark when it comes to treating others with grace. While the blog post I'm referencing here is about teaching, I believe it applies to every facet of life and how we treat others.

Many years ago, I struggled hard with math and in fact I have written about it at times on this blog.  If you would like to read these earlier posts, you can check out the topic, Math Is Hard.

During a time where a family member was raping and abusing me, my 6 year old mind and body could not grasp the concept of first grade math.  The teacher did not know what to do with me and so she would put me in the corner of the room with scissors, glue, construction paper and tape just to have fun doing whatever I wanted to do during math class time.  As long as I kept myself entertained and quiet, she was happy.  Unfortunately when my parents found out, I ended up being moved back to Kindergarten.  I don't recall most of this, but I wonder if the teacher would have treated me with a little more respect or even the family member that was abusing and raping me stopped this behavior, would things have turned out differently?

Why Do We Harm Others?

Do harm to one another.  Isn't that what we are all about in this country and throughout this world?  Do harm to each other.  If you're reading this and wondering, what marbles are floating around loose in my mind, consider the truth of how we treat others in our life.  Okay, I realize not everyone is like this, but there is a majority in this country and this world that seem to harm one another, rather than respecting others.

Every day that I see news headlines, I'm reminded of just how selfish, mean, and harmful we are to each other.  We treat others as if they are less than us, not really mattering to the existence of life.  In fact, it shows we value the life of fellow humans in such a way, that our culture is taking major hits each and ever day.

It has been stated that we as humans are 99.9% alike biologically and only .1% different.  Yet, we go through our days acting as if we are so different.  We focus on the color of skin, the different beliefs, political ideology, different thoughts, and status of our living conditions as the barometers in what it means to be human.  Isn't it sad, that our existence in life boils down to how every other human is so different from us, when in fact they are not.

Are Humans Really That Hateful

I see a meanness online these days and it truly bothers me.  If you think I should not be bothered by it, then this blog post is not for you.  In fact, I just got called out for caring about what gets forced in front of our eyes every day.  You can't avoid it, unless you just don't go online.

I have to wonder though, are humans as hateful as they show online?  Do they really hate others as much as their words and actions show?  Or is there a major disconnect and the what people show online is different than they actually are?

My next question would lead me to authenticity.  If you can't be the same online that you are in person to your friends, coworkers and acquaintances, then which persona should we believe?  Who really are you?

I think this matters greatly because by treating each other with so much hatred while proclaiming we are great individuals, is extremely harmful to the world-at-large.  Words, actions, and thoughts do matter.  A thought born out of love can really help someone's day while thoughts born out of hate can really incite significant pain upon others.

We can't just sit back and hide our heads in the sand, because it truly matters.  How we treat others is propagated on to other people many times over.  It hurts.  It harms.  It keeps people hunkering down in their caves of anxiety and depression.

How we treat others is what helps this world advance or decline!  I'm sorry if that goes against your beliefs and opinions, but you can just take a look at humanity through the ages and see how true this is. 

The world is difficult enough on our good days and if we can't walk hand-in-hand together towards a better outcome, will this world even make it?  If we stand opposed and fight and nitpick and manipulate with our opinions and beliefs, may the world somehow survive because the odds are against it in this scenario.

Yes, it does matter if we truly understand whether humans are really that hateful with one another.  To ignore this, is being part of the problem that self-propagates throughout online social media.  We had better wake up before it is too late.  In this case, there will not be any do overs.

#Hate

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Triggers In Walmart

Triggers In Walmart

The other day in the store, I had one of those experiences with another shopper that you would just like to forget.  It was in Walmart of all places.  Sometimes that can be a challenge to shop there because it is a wide mix of people who are in a hurry and far too often have very little respect for anyone else.  However, the experience happened right before my eyes and my mind and body didn't recognize it for the trigger it was.

When I got home, I was still fuming and fussing about what had transpired in the store.  I shared it with a couple of friends and in all reality, what I wrote to them was not very respectful to the shoppers in the store.  One friend of mine called me out on it and she was right.  Even though I felt violated, I had no right to talk about the people in the way that I did.

The thing was, I did not even realize just how much I was triggered by this event and how far I escaped out of reality in my mind and body.  It was not until this friend of mine called me out on it, that I began to realize just how big the trigger was for me.  It was like I had gone to some place in outer space and was not even present with what was going on.

Take Care Of Yourself

Many years ago I thought that if I did everything for everyone that expected me to do things for them, I was some kind of nice person.  Unfortunately, I found out the hard way that to exhaust one's self is really not the best you can give to others.

Sitting in a group session, the therapist asked us if we were at a banquet and there was only one chair left but our self and one other person had not been seated, what would we do?  Everyone went around the room and had differing viewpoints of what they would do.

I remember when it got to me and of course I responded enthusiastically that I would let the other person have the seat at the banquet table.  Why would I take it?  That would be selfish and mean.  After all, I put others before my own needs because that is what I thought I should do (or what I had been taught).

Consciously Connecting With Our Authentic Self

Consciously Connecting
With Others In This World

Do you ever go through your day thinking about how we treat others? Do you ever stop and consider just how you come across to all those you meet? If everyone stopped to consider that in a day, I'm betting we could change the world very quickly. Yet, we as a collective society tend to act as if nothing else matters and we are the only ones that exist in the world.

Our days of course are filled with demands upon our time, more stress than we should endure and all kind of challenges we face in our bodies. We have schedules that dictate we run at top speed from an early hour of the morning while we shuttle our children from one place to the next. We rush into work hoping to not be late so we can accomplish that report the boss needs by 9 am.

By the time, we're at the end of our day, all too often we are anything but kind and conscious to our fellow humans. Sometimes we can manage to put on a good demeanor and a happy face, but that is about it and it isn't authentic. We're just looking forward to some time sitting in front of the TV, resting our weary body and brain.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

We all know this, right?  At least, we should know it.  Churches preach it all the time.  Children are taught this from their parents.  After all, actions speak louder than words.

Unfortunately if you watch the media these days, you will see plenty of examples of people who must have missed this lesson in life.  Maybe they were fast asleep in church or just got tired of hearing it from their parents.

I'm really so sick of people these days who go out and proclaim one thing, but practice something else.  They tear down others and belittle what other people do, but yet they are no better.  They don't practice something most of us learned, actions speak louder than words.

Take for example the politician that proclaims how great of a Christian he is.  He makes sure everyone knows this and he thanks God in his rallies and performs his prayers.  Yet, when it comes down to tactics to win an election, he really forgets that his actions speak louder than words.

You could also take for example the child molester who prays to God and makes it a practice to make sure others know how great and good a person he is.  Yet, he continues time and time again to molest children, even while proclaiming his faith and holier than thou attitude.  Their actions speak louder than words.

Before you think I'm just harping on churches, it is more than that.  Consider the community leader who wants everyone to be treated fairly and equally, but when it comes to those gays in every day life, they are calling for them to be obliterated from the face of the earth.  Their actions speak louder than words.

What about the business leader who greedily charges more than they should for some life saving product and yet they think somehow they are better than the imbeciles living on this planet.  Maybe they will donate some extra money to make it look like they are a good person, but again, they forget that actions speak louder than words.

Its easy to point the finger at others and proclaim how bad they are and how they are ruining the fabric of our society.  It is easy to point the finger at others and tell them what they should do and how we are the supreme authority on any given subject.  It is easy to point the fingers and stand high on our own pedestal while we look down on those we see as lower than ourselves.

In my view, if you're looking down on others, you're trampling upon them.  You are enslaving them to your will and taking away their will.  You're forcing your own narrow minded beliefs and ways upon them as if to say, you are smarter than any God, person, place, or thing in the universe.

Maybe if we kept in mind that actions speak louder than words, we could really begin to look at our actions and then align our words.   As a result, maybe we could just begin to treat others as human, not as less then our ego inflated self.

Actions say so much more than our words.  Actions show our true intent and what is in our heart.  We can trick and dupe people with our words, but our actions tell the real story.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2/4/16 by Don Shetterly

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How We Treat One Another

Some days I feel like I'm writing for the heck of it.  It is almost like my words mean nothing and fall on deaf ears.

I see the hatred shared online from people who despise the hatred.  I see people getting angry acting as if I should only post stuff that they like and God forbid we don't see things the same way.

How we treat one another these days is mind boggling.  How we censor others is mind boggling.  How we get up on our pedestals and somehow demand others treat us as if we have all the answers is mind boggling.

We have replaced love with hate.  We have replaced our religious beliefs with intolerance.  We have denigrated those that wish to speak up by making them out to be horrible people we make fun of and call names.

What gives here? 

Where is our humanness?

Where is the love we proclaim we have?

We can't walk down both sides of the fence at one time.  We can't proclaim we love others and we want tolerance if we throw mud at those who disagree with us.

Aren't we better than that?  Don't we realize that the more we do this online that we're just being anything but human?

Seems like I have more rhetorical questions than there are answers.  Maybe the answers are there, but no one wishes to see it or hear it.

Heck, I don't have all the answers either, but I at least try to not make fun of others.  I try to not degrade and mock other people.

Our social media accounts show our true nature I think.  If someone wrote a book about us based upon what we share and like online, I've got a feeling that many people would be doing damage control.

It is sad.  It angers me to see the way we treat each other, especially online.  It angers me to see people talk about love and respect and tolerance, but then they go and do the same thing they despise.

It almost, no it does, remind me of the house I grew up in with the church-going-family who hated everyone that didn't think like them.  Maybe that's why this bothers me so much.  I have already lived this once in my life.

Little did I know, I would have to relive it again.  Where's the spaceship - I want to find a new planet that has tolerance and love, not hatred disguised as love.

May we all try a little harder to share a little less online and love a little more.  That's my hope!

Maybe we could work to be a little bit more conscious and aware.  After all, those things are not evident because of words, but because of the actions we portray.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Listen With Respect and Talk Out Of Love

The old saying that you can attract more bees with honey is true.  In these days, we try to see just how much we can talk down to one another, call each other names, and treat others as if they are just nothing more than something that should be obliterated.

All you have to do is take a look at any social media feed about the election.  It isn't just one side either.  I've seen it all which ways.  No one respects the other person.  They just begin the constant barrage of treating others as if they have no clue.

I've seen it from members of my own family as they not only do this currently in political discussions, but also we grew up in this way.  We would pray and sing with others in church on Sunday morning as if we were all one big family of God.  When we walked out the doors and got in the car, it was then that our family talked smack about everyone.

Heck, I still struggle with this today.  I write about it and while I'm projecting this to the world, I feel like I'm writing to myself.  Now, maybe I don't do it as bad as some and I sure don't spread it along on social media, but boy can I falter and put myself up on a pedestal at times.  I'm not perfect either and sometimes I get disgusted by what I see myself saying and doing.

Need to learn to respect one another...

I keep trying and I wish others would do the same.  We need to learn to respect one another.  No one is going to listen to what you say if all you do is bad mouth them and put them down or call them names.  If you just scream, don't expect anyone to listen.

On the other hand, if you can look at someone with respect and love, then your words will flow more to a receptive ear.  If you can share with them what you see and why you see something, more than likely they will listen to you.  It is when we spend the time sharing ideas and beliefs with respect, that we begin to either solidify our positions, or become much smarter as we listen to others.

Listen out of respect.  Talk with love.  Proclaim what you know with an open heart and mind.  These things will drastically improve the world and as we change the world, so will we change and improve ourselves.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Not Enough Judgement?

If we stop to consider our world, are we really a part of moving it forward, or are we part of the problem?  Is there not enough judgement in the world that we don't need to add to it ourselves?  These are many questions that I wish we would all ask ourselves each day.

Each and every day I open Facebook, Twitter, or my email, I'm inundated with thoughts, sayings, pictures and written beliefs that portray so much hatred.  From the religious to the spiritual new age, from the political folks to the feel good ones, there is just far too much judgement.  Whether it is through perfectly cloaked words or just outright disdain for everyone who does not believe the way they do, it hurts the entire civilization of our planet.

If you find yourself reading this and thinking, I don't judge anyone - its all the other people that do it, please let me say one thing to you directly - STOP IT!  You just judged someone else.  That's part of the problem.  Judging others makes you no better than what those are doing that you hate so much.  Its often so sneaky and sly that we don't even notice it and we surely think we don't harbor it.

World Happiness Index

I came across a link to a story from one of my twitter followers today and well, it made me happy!  Of course, the country I live in which is the United States didn't rank as high as it could have.  For some reason, we have a lot of angry people in the US and it is more than politics in my view.

Thanks to Wendy (@WendyESlater) for sharing this.

Wow interesting... I want to live in a "happy place" https://t.co/KgxAi1Gx58 - World Happiness Index

— Don Shetterly (@mindbodythought) April 2, 2016

I find it interesting that the places which have more cold weather than we do are ranked higher in the happiness index out of all the places in the world.  I know, weather probably isn't a big determination, but if you put me in the middle of a very cold place, I'm not going to be happy.  I like warm weather much better.

The top places were Denmark, Switzerland, Iceland, Norway and Finland.  They were followed by Canada, Netherlands, New Zealand, Australia and Sweden.  The United States ranked 13 behind Israel and Austria.

Some of the factors including how people ranked their level of happiness were the GDP, life expectancy, generosity, social support, freedom, and corruption.  One would hope our country would excel at many of these things, but we do not.

I think that sometimes in the United States we chase money far too much.  I'm not knocking anyone who makes a lot of money, but sometimes I think that money becomes our sole focus in life.  We easily lose touch with what truly matters and unless there is some crisis we donate to, we aren't the most generous people at times.  You can disagree with me if you want.  That is fine with me!  I just am writing what I observe through my own eyes.  I've seen far too many people hungry and lying on the streets in the cold.

It feels like our political races and politics in general have gotten so divisive that we hardly see each other as human.  We just tend to see each other as opponents and we degrade each other.  This is hardly the making of happiness.  The politics of hate has been building for many years because "hate" gets people to the polls.  Unfortunately those in the US succumb to the hate that is alive and well in these political campaigns.

I really don't think that we spend enough time relaxing and enjoying life.   We are too tied to our smart phones, ipads and computers to take time away.  I'm just as guilty of this as the next person.  Try disconnecting for a day and see how that goes.  We just keep our minds far too actively engaged on tasks that really don't make a difference in our day.

Is there any wonder why we don't rank higher on the happiness index?  I think that each one of us can change this by changing our own life and what we do in a day or how we focus.  It isn't up to some leader or religion or circumstance to make us happy.  It is something that we choose and it comes from within us.

Our actions do speak louder than the words we portray.  Our actions speak louder than what we claim we are for or what we stand against.  It is how we treat others that we show who we are.  The more we are who we are, the more happiness we have in our lives.  It isn't about the other people.  It is about how we treat others that matters most.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Respecting One Another

I'm not sure why we humans do this.  We treat each other way too often as some object that has little value.  We use and abuse.  We put our own ego over that of another person.  Respecting one another is so foreign a concept to most these days and maybe we need a bumper sticker to get everyone's attention.

I get irked every time I see a husband or a wife talk down or degrade or put down the other spouse.  It can be innocent comments, but when you look at the other person as less than you or you treat them as if they aren't as smart or good or adequate or valued, it really is a sad day.  After all, if you dislike your partner or spouse so much, why are you with them?  If you're putting them down, you aren't respecting them or yourself.

I get upset when I see a company run over another individual.  Yes, some employees are more talented than others, but to use and abuse them is just plain short-sighted and selfish.  Why burn out your best employees and not deepen your bench of star players?  Give people the respect they deserve and maybe they will become your greatest asset.  Respecting one another should be more than a company slogan.

Saying It Does Not Make It True

My eyes are doing the eye roll.  You know, when you read something and it makes your head spin around a few times too many.  I try hard to practice what I preach and I probably fail sometimes just like others.

Reading on the social media feed, I saw someone share things about listening to others and respecting them.  I saw how they posted stuff that said actions speak louder than words.  By that point, I was thinking - wow, someone else that sees this part of life.  And then, it happened....

Yep, I began to read more of what they posted online in their social media account.  Do I really need to say what I saw?  Yep, it was more of the stuff that you would see just about anywhere on social media.  It was the stuff they were rallying against.  They were doing exactly what they were so against.

Everyone tells others what to do...

It seems like in these days, everyone tells others what they should do and how they should think, but it is meant for those that don't see things in life the way they do.  It is meant more as a whipping belt than as something that is truly good for not only everyone else, but for them!

I don't care what side of the political isle you are on or if you are religious or not, we as humans love to beat one another up every day.  The rhetoric that is being spewed on the internet is so toxic, that poisonous words are looking for safer waters.

It is hard to read anything online these days and it is just not politics.  Someone can post a pretty picture online or a nice video, and some will love it and others will degrade it.  The comments will get so divisive and hurtful, that it makes my head spin.

Do we not have an ounce of love...

I wonder if humans just hate everyone and anyone these days.  Do we not have one ounce of love in our life, or are we just out for our thoughts, beliefs and life as we see it?  It sure doesn't feel like anyone out there that claims they have love, knows how to practice it or put it in action.

In my own family, I see my holier-than-thou brother and his friends that say they preach love, but their actions are anything but this.  What you see them say and share on their social media feeds shows anything but love.  Yet, they use the "love they preach" as a bully stick to beat you into submission of what they perceive to be truth.

Love is absent in social media...

I'm so saddened by what I see playing out in social media and the news these days.  There is nothing wholesome about it.  There is nothing human about it.  It is pure poison and toxicity.  Love is absent.

It isn't the enemies that we cannot see which are the most evil in our world.  It is how we treat one another and how much hatred we harbor for one another that allows evil to thrive and grow.

It is in how we have lost the love in our own heart, that we allow the ego to rule our thoughts, words, and actions as if they are somehow virtuous.  Even though we proclaim our actions are right and justified, we fail to see that love is being abolished every minute we take a breath.

If we want the world to change and if we want others to change, this change needs to start within us.  We need to connect with love, rather than hate if we want others to love us.  We need to connect with understanding, if we want others to understand us.

All the screaming and toxic words being hurled in social media or in the world will never convince anyone that their motives and actions are born out of love.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Fake Care For Others

Written By Don Shetterly

One of the things I've seen lately just blows my mind to pieces about humanity.  I call it "fake care for others."   Maybe I'm too harsh.  Perhaps I'm expecting too much.  Unfortunately, I think you are either human or you're not.

I've had so many people email, text, or message me before the hurricane.  Many of them I had not heard from in months or years.  It got so hectic right before the storm hit that I could barely keep up.  I thought, wow - it is nice that they care and they wrote me.

Unfortunately, I had some that got so frantic about the storm that even as I was trying to stay strong and brave, I started to worry.  I was trying to prepare for its arrival, but the frantic messages were making things much more challenging.

Then as quickly as the media spun the storm into devastation for all (and no, I'm not downplaying its impact), the comments and care and concern faded almost in an instant.  It seemed almost like a fake care for myself and others.  If it isn't sensationalized drama playing out, then it doesn't exist.

This is not how humans should behave.  Either you genuinely care for others, or you don't.  You don't act like you do when you're worried, but allow the fakeness to show through when things are real.  You find ways to help encourage and support, not let your frantic worries pull others down.

I had to stop reading the messages and emails and texts because it was more than I could handle.  Not knowing what the storm would do or how bad it would get was enough to handle.  Not knowing if the house would be standing after it was more stress than I could take.  Hearing the winds howl and the tornadoes hover around was frightening.

Of course, just as quickly as the supportive comments came before the storm, there was no follow up afterwards.  There was no time given to what we were facing.  If there was, I had to convince people that without power, I couldn't respond much.  I had to convince people that with weak cell service, it was draining our batteries and making communication difficult.

I tried to respond to everyone, but many just wrote me off.  I guess the media spin on the storm must have been dying out.

It makes me sad to see how we treat one another as humans.  I don't want to see photo ops and grandstanding after a storm.  It does nothing for me because, in the days following, you're trying to pick up the pieces and survive.

Sitting in 90 plus degree afternoons with humidity at more than 80% and hardly any air moving outside is excruciatingly difficult.  Trying to sleep in it is almost a futile exercise.  Not knowing when you're going to get power back is frustrating.  Each day you're without electricity feels like a year that you've sat there without the everyday basics we are so accustomed to in life.

We need to have a genuine care for others.  We need to learn how to respect and support one another, not interject our own fears on others fighting through an experience that makes their feet and legs tremble.

Fake care for others helps no one.  It is like forcing them to take the knife and inflict more pain upon themselves.  Maybe if you've not been through any storm like a hurricane, you have no idea what it is like.

However, don't be "fake" about it.  Try to be supporting and caring and understanding.  Fake care gets you nowhere.  Genuine care and support help keep the world moving along.

Please don't think I'm saying that all my friends and contacts did this.  Most of the ones that did were people I rarely hear from these days, or organizations that only seemed to care because of where I lived.  To the people that were supportive, I say thank you.  It was a rough experience.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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Bless The Misguided New Age People

I know, if you're a new age person, you might not agree with me on this.  So, I'll keep it respectful and thoughtful, but there is a point I want to make and its important.  Bless the misguided new age people for they don't fully understand what it is they do and say.

Now, before you get all up in arms with me, please know that this isn't every new age person.  Although, the numbers it effects are many.  If it makes you uncomfortable, you're free to stop reading.  If not, please continue.  You can always leave a comment at the end of the blog post one way or the other.

There is just too much thought out there that "everything" is bad for you.  If it isn't food, it is thoughts.  If it isn't thoughts, it is what you say.  If it isn't what you say, than it is entities and things watching you and a whole host of things that would take me forever to state here.

The key is, not everything is BAD!  While some things may not be as healthy or good for you, to view the world through the eyes where things are "BAD" or "EVIL" or "SHAMEFUL" is really sad in my view.  If you don't think you do this, then you may want to record yourself for a day and review it.

The Silent Treatment Sentence

There are some things I just don't understand in life. Like, how people can somehow be oblivious to the way they treat others. Their silence or aloofness can feel like a sword thrust into the body. It may not mean much to them but it means so much to others.

Of course, growing up in a house where insults were hurled at the speed of light in a very subtle way, these interactions of communication get very difficult. In times past, one was not allowed to defend themselves or even stand up for your self. It was take it as it comes with no questions asked. If you did manage to question things, most likely you were awarded and given the silent treatment.

The silent treatment was given in hopes that you would come to your senses. It's purpose was to bring you in line with the wishes and desires of the family. Then, if you worked hard enough and were as nice as you could possibly be, you might have the sentence of the silent treatment lifted. Most of the time though, your efforts fell short.

The quickest way out of the silent treatment, was if another member of the family did something to receive the same sentence. Usually there could not be more than one person being shunned and in the doghouse at a time. Most of the time, the family only had the fortitude to hate one member at the moment. Some might argue that "hate" is to strong of an action word to describe this but it sure felt that way.

Before anyone thinks that the silent treatment sentence was given for major infractions, lets set the record straight. It could have been given for the smallest things you did or did not necessarily do. In fact, you might have been unaware of any thing you did to deserve it, but without a doubt, you knew you were being given the silent treatment. Often it was given in circumstances where you disagreed with the family in some area of life and this could include a vast array of situations. Sometimes though, if you followed your heart's desires or longings and the family rulers felt this was wrong for you, the silent treatment began. I could give example after example on this.

Growing up and even now in life, a lack of communication or even poor communication can feel like the silent treatment to me. Most likely others don't mean to be this way but I'm finding that so many just don't know how to communicate. It is difficult though for me to separate out communication problems from the fears of being given the silent treatment.

The loneliness one feels when the world is silent to you is so hurtful. It registers within my gut and holds my breath as if I have said the wrong thing. It makes me to never cease working to hopefully get people to like me. The feeling of the silent treatment is exhausting to my mind and my body.

I've come leap years through this but sometimes it is all I can do to keep it in perspective. Life sometimes throws challenges my way to help me heal this, but that can come with great difficulty and stress. for now, I keep trying to recognize that the old tapes are playing and that I am free to live my life as I choose. I am no longer bound to those messages I was taught as a child unless I continue to allow myself to be. I recognize there will be speed bumps as I continue to grow and heal but the more I reclaim of myself, the more I discover exactly who I am.


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Together We Are Stronger

I wonder about people at times.  I really do.  I study people and watch them and observe them.  I've always done this ever since I can remember.  Sometimes people amaze me and sometimes they upset me.  Sometimes I'm totally captivated by them and other times I'm repulsed.

This past weekend we had a garage sale.  We had some vinyl records for sale.  Of course, I'm quite aware of the fierce competition by record collectors and I'm also aware that some record collectors have very little social grace.  I'm not saying all of them do, but I've observed that in many just like some of the computer techies who have no social grace.

So, I open the garage door and am met with two people who wanted to buy all of the records we had for sale.  One guy hands me $40 more than we were asking and says, "I will take them all".  Fine, by me.  We made good money and one less group of things left to get rid of in the sale.

Let Us Hate One Another

Isn't this what the bible teaches?  Isn't that what Jesus proclaimed, let us hate one another?  Reading the news articles and twitter feeds and Facebook postings, you would think that to be human means, you hate other humans.

I am constantly amazed at how our society and culture treat one another.  There is no love.  There seems to be only hate.  The ones blinded by hate cannot even begin to see what love means.  Unfortunately, it feels like that is 100% of the population in this country and world.

To be one that tries to love others feels like a part of a super small group of individuals.  Some people proclaim they love others, but their rhetoric and social media postings might suggest otherwise.  Love is not mere words.  Love is putting your words in action.

I grew up in a house that proclaimed love and one of the recurring quotes I heard pounded into the table was "by God, we are a family and were going to love one another no matter what".  Of course, there was anything but true love in our house.  It was a facade.  These quotes usually were a result of control and manipulation and abuse.

Preaching hate

I'm sorry if this makes some uncomfortable, but its the only way I can deal with the tragedy in Orlando.  I've had people stop following me on Twitter today because I talked about hate. I guess they don't like the fact that I'm gay.  I'm not going to apologize for this.  I am who I am and if anyone cannot accept me, it was nice meeting you.

I'm not sure how you can say the following statement and immediately watch scores of people unfollow.  I could think of all kinds of words to say about that action, but I won't step down into the depths of hatred and return the favor.  Take a look at what I said and see if that is a bad thing.  In my mind, it isn't.  Who knows, maybe people who hate are somehow more intelligent.  Maybe that's it.  I don't know.

You can't preach hate every day and expect a different outcome. Hate only breeds hate.

— Don Shetterly (@mindbodythought) June 12, 2016

Its sad.  We have hate that is fueled by the preaching of hatred across this land.  Whether it is in the church pulpit or the political arena, it seems we just like to hate.  We teach hatred as if it was a key in life.  All the time, we don't even know that we are so hateful to others.  Too many puff their chests up and act like somehow they are better and more superior.

In fact, most people that show their hatred are the ones that cry about how much of a victim they are.  They claim that if they can't spew and forth their hatred on to others at every turn in life, that somehow they are being victimized and silenced.  They don't stop to see just how their words, thoughts, and actions are some of the most hateful things that they produce.

Some out there think that if you don't believe in the way their religious teachings command, that you are stopping them from exercising their freedoms.  Nothing could be further from the truth, but to those that hate, truth is the last thing that fills the voids in their mind.

Not everyone believes the way you do.  It is called freedom of religion and freedom of speech.  However, when you push your beliefs upon everyone else, you've made the entire world less human.  You haven't helped the least among you and you sure don't exemplify the words of the Bible that you so vehemently claim you practice.  I'm often surprised at how these individual do not know what is in the Bible that they spout at every turn.

The more we spew the hatred and divisiveness to one another, the more we set people in our world to see that it is okay to hate others.  Even if we are not smart enough to know we are spewing hatred, it does not excuse our words, thoughts, and actions.  The more hate is preached, the more you cannot expect a different outcome.

See, we're more worried about what others do in this country and world than we are about what we do.  We are more worried about how others don't measure up in our judging eyes, than we are learning to accept others and celebrate our differences.

Preaching hate is the norm of our day.  It is sad that it happens with such frequency.  I'm saddened by what I see on social media, by the politicians and the churches, and those that spew the hatred.  The more this happens, the more violence we will continue to see.

(click image to read)
 

Its horrible.  I sat here today, crying tears of sadness and pain for those that lost loved ones in this senseless and horrible shooting in Orlando.  Of course, everyone reaches for the political one-liners to spew even more hate.

When will we learn?  When will we understand that it isn't everyone out in the world that is the problem, but ourselves and our heart?  When will we learn that it is our thoughts, actions, and words that we portray to the world which can either build us up or tear us down.  If you're doing these things, you are just as much a part of the problem as those that are blinded by the hatred in their hearts.

I'm sorry if this blog post sound harsh, but it is how I see things.  I'm tired of being silent as to not offend anyone.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Sandusky and Male Child Abuse Survivors

If you have watched the news, you've probably seen the story about the Penn State Football coach and the child abuse victims.  Of course, in the Sandusky trial, you see people suggesting he is too righteous of a person to ever do anything like this.  His wife testifies that she never observed anything going on and his friends act as if he is greater then any saint.

Would I expect much less where someone is on trial for child abuse?  Nope - no way, no how and not in my wildest imagination.  I know of NO and I mean absolutely NO child molesters that readily admit they molest children.  I know of NO friends, family and supporters that would come out and suggest they know anyone is a child molester.  It just doesn't happen in our society and in human civilization.   If you know of any, please share the news story with me.

However, when I saw that the prosecution was ready to call Sandusky's own adopted son, I felt this pit in my stomach.  You see, for male survivors of child abuse, it isn't easy to come forward.  It is not easy for guys (especially younger kids) to even comprehend what is going on, much less how to articulate it.  When young boys are raped and molested, they generally don't have the language or understanding to communicate what is going on.  Part of them may understand it is wrong (if they are even able to do that), but most likely the fear of repercussions will keep them silent.  If they do understand what is going on, there is usually no way on this green earth that they will come forward unless they have a supportive environment to do so.