Taking First Steps In Asking For Help

By Matt Pappas.  You know something is going on in your life but you just aren't sure where to turn. You've heard that term, Mental Health, but maybe it always made you cringe.

I couldn't possibly have some type of mental health disorder, or suffer from some type of mental illness, right?

I've managed pretty decently in my life so far; I can survive daily and hold down a job. I have a family that loves me and friends to hang out with.

Or perhaps you are just the opposite...

You are alone, don't have many friends, your family relationships are strained at best, and you can't seem to find a career or steady job that you can hold onto.

I was mostly in the former category when I first realized I needed to seek some professional help. My life just wasn't going as I planned; which isn't necessarily a reason to seek help per say. In my case though, after 2 failed marriages and a realization that it was high time I start trying to understand myself better, I took the plunge.

I reached out through a program at my job that can put employees in contact with professionals for counseling, legal questions, medical concerns, family therapy, grieving, etc.

I was apprehensive to say the least and very nervous about trying this whole therapy thing again. My last experience with a therapist did not end well, as she divulged personal information about our sessions, to others.

The damage was done and the bridge was burned. For any "good" that those sessions did, the trust issues that I had were immediately increased 10 fold moving forward.

After a couple of days I was paired up with a local therapist and I scheduled an appointment.

At that point something strange happened, something I didn't expect. I began to feel a peace come over me, calmness. It was like; I'm finally doing something good for myself so let's see what happens and where this takes me.

I fully expected to be scared to death...

Looking back I was surprised by this feeling because I fully expected to be scared to death, to clam up, and end up sitting there in an office just wondering what in the world I had gotten myself into.

After decades of focusing on everyone and everything other than myself, it was as if my mind was saying... Finally, Thank You!

Having said that I was still nervous that first session. I mean when you start telling your story to a stranger, while sitting on a couch in an office, you get this feeling that you've seen this scenario before.

How many times on TV shows or movies has someone been sitting on a couch talking to a therapist about their "feelings"? How many times did you maybe think:

"Well that's just not going to do any good!"
"Why can't they just figure it out on their own?" 
"They must really be screwed up to have to talk to a therapist!"

When you are in that situation though, it becomes almost surreal. It suddenly hits home that you are now what you judged people for before. You are now THAT person who can't get their life together and has to resort to talking about their feelings to a therapist.

Shame and guilt can easily take over here if you aren't careful. You begin to wonder what's really wrong with you, and what you are going to uncover if you truly let your guard down. "Just how screwed up am I after all?"

Do I even want to go down this path...

Then you begin to rationalize why you maybe don't need to be doing this after all...

"Do I even want to go down this path, my life wasn't really all THAT bad now that I think about it?"

Rather than questioning yourself, try celebrating your decision to put yourself first for a change. Give yourself a High Five for taking the initiative to understand yourself and your mind better.

Know that you are doing something good for you that will benefit not only you but also those you are close to.

Reaching out to seek professional help can be so unbelievably nerve racking, intimidating, and scary. You really do get a better appreciation of yourself and what others go through when you are sitting there, one on one, being open and vulnerable.

You are now on the path to healing, understanding, positive self esteem, more self-confidence, and the realization that your mental health does matter.

• -Matt (Guest Blogger on Mind Body Thoughts)
  -SurvivingMyPast.net
• You can catch Matt on Twitter, SurvivingMyPast

Guest Blogger Note:

Matt writes for his website and blog, Surviving My Past.net .  He is an excellent writer and friend, sharing his struggles as he learns to heal from his past of child sexual abuse.  This blog post was written by Matt and I'm sharing it exclusively on the Mind Body Thoughts Blog.  Please make sure you visit Matt at SurvivingMyPast.net .  He has some excellent wisdom and advice he shares that I am sure you will find helpful.

Also Check Out:

You may also want to check out a previous
blog I wrote about Matt's website and blog.

Introducing Surviving My Past

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Images courtesy of Surviving My Past with permission.
• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Why Won't Men Get Help

Getting help is sometimes very difficult to do.  Asking for help is sometimes something that humans won't do, especially men.  I know this first hand because I was one of those men that wouldn't ask for help or seek it out.  In fact, it took me to the point of a conversion disorder before I finally acknowledged I needed help.  

I still remember when I was getting ready to move away from my therapist and she told me that I had come so far during our time of treatment together.  I was struck though by something she shared with me.  She stated to me, "most people don't go far enough with therapy.  They often come in for a few sessions and quit, just before they really get to the point where they have a breakthrough."

As boys, we are taught to have the answers, and man up or show that we are growing up to be men.  Men feel that they have to be the ones in control, never relying upon anyone for anything.  It is taught throughout our society in the same way we are taught to breathe - automatically.  Unfortunately, when we do struggle and need help, our innate learning prevents us from finding healing for our mind and our body.

A Letter To The Angels

Dear Angels,

I am going through a difficult moment that I really need help.  I feel like I am doing all that I need to do in order to change the situation that I am facing.  However, it seems that no matter what I do, nothing seems to change.  It is as if, things are caught in a continuous loop.

I really don't know where to turn and I don't even know for sure how to ask for what it is that I need.  All I know is that I really need help on this situation.  It is wearing down upon me hard and robbing precious strength from me.  It needs to end.  Most people would probably not have made it this far and some days it is all I can do to keep going.  It just needs to end!

So, please add this to my cry for help in this situation.  Help show me that I'm not alone as I feel in the moment, going through this situation.  Help me to know what it is that I need to do or how you are helping me.  Let me have no doubts as to the source of help or the answer to my prayers.  The only request I add is that I need something soon to happen as I am so weary of traveling through these rough waters.

Helpful Tips For Fainting

For background information, you may want to read the following blog posts before reading this one. The blog posts are "Fainting At The Sight Of Needles" and "Fainting From More Than Needles".

If you are like me, don’t feel alone! There are many of us out there. In my case, I know I’m a highly sensitive person (see blog post 01/20/11) and this adds to the situation.

Here are some tips that may help you in dealing with this situation but most of all, don’t beat yourself up for it! Keep looking for ways that will help you overcome and deal with this situation.

If you have helpful tips to share, please feel free to leave them in a comment so you can help others.


Tips To Manage Fainting:

1. Let the person or office know where the medical procedure is being done that you easily faint. Many times this will help you feel a little more comfortable and safe plus it helps alert them to be a little more gentle and careful with you.

2. Try not to think about or look away from what is being done to you. Think about a song or something you want to do. Talk to someone that you trust about anything other than what is going on. Do anything you can do to get your mind off of what is going on.

3. Close your eyes so you can’t see any of the needles or medical instruments.
4. If you have a close and trusted friend that can go with you, sometimes that is a big comfort to you as long as they are able to function in that situation.

5. Insist that you lie down when things are being done. There have been many times that medical staff feels this is a waste of time and I usually just let them know that either they can let me lie down or they can pick me up off the floor. Most of the time, that conversation is enough to convince them.

6. Trying to focus on your breathing can be very helpful but even I know that when I get in this situation, that is like trying to drain the ocean with a single gulp. It does help but for me, the fear and anxiety often take over before I can get myself focusing on breathing.

7. Doing intense healing work on yourself is helpful but not always easy. Going into the pain head on can be liberating in the end but often we shy away from this because we are too afraid to do it.

8. Try to limit yourself in eating a lot of sugar or caffeine or other stimulants before having any of these medical procedures done. It just adds fuel to the fire. The more you can relax before something is done, the better the chance of you making it through without fainting.

Further Reading:
1) Afraid Of Needles? Why Some Faint At The Very Sight (MSNBC)
2) Fainting At The Sight Of Needles (June 9, 2011)
3) Fainting From More Than Needles (June 10, 2011)
4) Fear Of The Dentist (July 6, 2010)
5) Living As A Highly Sensitive Person (Jan 20, 2011)


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Blog Post & Images (c) 6/7/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Knocks On The Door

Written by Don Shetterly

How many times do we ask for help in our lives, only to not accept it when it shows up?
We may get a form of help that is not what we expected, and so we dismiss it as something which is not useful for us. We may have our eyes closed, and so that which came our way was missed.

Asking for help can be difficult enough but when we do this, may we open our eyes and accept it when it knocks on the door.

I Offer Up These Concerns

Dear Universe and Angels,
I offer up these concerns, worries and frustrations to you. I have no idea how to change any of these things. They feel very overwhelming to me. They feel impossible to move beyond. I feel as if I have fought the good fight, yet that isn't enough.

The only thing I know which is left for me to do is to leave them in your hands. I need your help and your understanding. I need your care and compassion. I need to feel loved by you, and accepted.

Please somehow show me in multiple ways that you are listening and that you are there for me. Please show me that you are helping me with these things.

Help me have the courage to open myself to all the ways you are there for me. Please help me to just feel safe and supported in your arms. Help me to truly find my way beyond this dark forest that I walk.

My Financial Meltdown

I've wrestled with posting this or not because I don't normally like to display anything about my financial situation to people or to the general public that may be reading this. However, from the looks of the mess our country and world is in, I'm fairly certain, I'm not alone in what I share here. This is a page from my journal that displays in raw form, the cold hard realities I face. While I know many others face this very same thing, my hope is that somehow others can learn from what I'm going through. All too often, we sweep the financial frustrations under the rug because no one wants to really talk about them. We may do that by telling the person to think positive, to be abundant and to do a myriad of other things. While well intentioned, when one is in the middle of financial despair, these remedies do very little except helping the person giving them feel better. Yes, I'm being very blunt and honest here but again, this is cold hard reality in this moment. If you're not able to handle that, my suggestion would be to skip this post and not read it.

My Financial Meltdown
© Nov 2, 2009 by Don Shetterly

I am so tired of everyone wanting money or some form of money from me claiming that what they have for me is what I need. They mean well and they offer good things but for now, it makes no difference to me. At this point in my life, income is nonexistent and so any expense right now is like someone cutting off a body part with a dull knife.

I’m struggling to make it this year. Nothing has been easy for me and in fact, since bankruptcy, I think it is the worst year I have ever had. Everything I’ve tried, and worked for and hoped for has been a bust. Sorry, if it sounds like I’m sugar coating things here but I’m not.

We moved up here a couple of years ago and I thought that things would be a little tough, but then they would come together. Boy, was I ever wrong! I can’t seem to meet people here nor can I seem to find anyone that wants me to work on them (even if I give it away free). It doesn’t matter if I charge $100 or $0, the result is the same – no one to work on.

But this area is so difficult to meet people and lord knows I’ve tried. It is a strange area and I didn’t see that when we were looking at houses. Not that I miss Miami enough to want to move down there. The traffic, the over populated areas and the fickleness of it just left too much that doesn’t match up with me. I grew up in a much different part of the country that honors, respects people and treats people fairly. Things I didn’t find in Miami. The traffic – you couldn’t pay me a million bucks to move back there either. Yuk!

Anyway, let’s get back to the thing that has my blood boiling at the moment. I have absolutely no money to do anything extra. In fact, if it weren’t for my partner, I’d be living in a cardboard box and begging for food. I haven’t made enough money to support myself at all and if it wasn’t for considerable help right now, I’d be sunk. Credit Card debt has increased and right now, at this moment, I see no end in sight. That’s the picture in clear color!

Believe me, I’ve pondered and thought and tried to open my mind up to what it is that is blocked from me. Maybe I’m paying for past sins or maybe I am some cosmic joke in the universe. Yes, that may not sound good but damn it, life feels that way right now. In fact, I had read Catherine Ponder’s Book, “Open Your Mind To Prosperity” and since I did that, all HELL has broke loose it seems. I thought things were rough before but after getting only half way through that book, they got much worse. So maybe I’m clearing out or getting ready for something good to come my way, but geesshhh la rease I can’t take much more.

If life was about enduring it and seeing how much endurance you had, I’d be on top of the world or pretty close to it. I see others making it and not struggling the way I do and I wonder what in the hell is wrong with me. Why am I not making it? It makes no sense to me and I’m sure to others, it makes perfect sense. Most likely I’m not living up to the expectations of others in all of this – not that I live life trying to live up to what others want from me.

I feel like I’m on my own and alone in this world fighting through this. While I’m sure that is not the case, it feels this way. I know I’ve had to make it through most of my life on my own anyway so this is not new to me. And to be honest, I’m getting very tired of this struggle. I’m running out of energy and it seems like my life’s supply of energy is almost completely depleted.

I know no other place to turn nor do I know what to do next. I can’t even figure out how to make it through this month or even this week let alone any further than this. I hate doing the computer work these days because it is boring and a pain in the backside dealing with people. They always want something you can’t deliver and they want it completed before you even knew about it. Most of that work is next to nonexistent anyway and if it does show up, the pay rates are so low, one can barely net any money from it.

My music income is down so bad this year because of the economy which doesn’t help either. Last year, it was helping enable me to do a few things that I can’t even do this year and helped things to grow. Massage income is almost nonexistent. I can just see the loss on taxes now but that might be a good thing.

I really don’t know where to turn or when this HELL will end. I’m not sure if I can keep going any longer though. What is tough though when others want me to spend money for things that are undoubtedly good for me but if you have no more blood to give, you can’t bleed. I’m not talking just having a lower income. I mean, I have no money to spend. I can’t keep putting it on the Credit Card either.

It is like seeing someone out in the ocean drowning and instead of throwing them a rope or swimming out to help them, you offer them a bottle of water and a sandwich to eat. Of course you know that the person needs to keep up their strength and may be thirsty or dehydrated so you feel you’re offering them something good. But the person drowning, just needs the help and while the water and the sandwich may be good for them, it is the last thing on their mind. I feel like the person drowning and everyone keeps offering me water to drink instead of throwing me the rope. Maybe no one has a rope to throw me.

So I’m back at where I began. I feel like a whiner writing about my problems with no end in sight. I feel like I’m staring into a very long and dark tunnel with absolutely no clue when I will see the light of day, if ever. I feel like it is hopeless. I feel alone and fighting something that I’m not prepared to fight nor have I had any training. I don’t understand why I’m struggling so hard in life because I was always able to support myself. I wonder what is wrong with me and I long for answers or directional signs just to help keep me on a road, any road. At this point, I’m not particular.

Again, I keep coming up empty handed with absolutely no answers, no signs, no signals and nothing to show for life. I’ve read that you need to be happy with where your life is so you can move on but when you’re living in despair, happiness is one of those far off stars in the sky. You can see it, but that’s about it.

So what’s next – I haven’t got a clue. Where do I go from here – again, I don’t have a clue. I feel like a fraud at this point and I find myself day dreaming because that’s about all I have. The only other thing I have is a little bit of hope left that someday, I’ll look back and get a giggle out of what I wrote here.

Traffic Angels

I just have to share something about angels (actually two things). A good friend of mine that is an Angel Therapy Practitioner has told us if you want to test things a little and see if angels really communicate (if you feel you can communicate with angels), than one thing she does is when she’s in traffic, she asks them sometimes to clear up space around her. She also talks about Parking Angels that help her find parking places to. (hey it does work) I’ve done this a couple of times but yesterday morning on the way to a job, the interstate was very packed with traffic.

So I asked the angels to help keep the traffic flowing and make it easier for me (I don’t recall exactly how I asked that). So for most of the way to the place I was going, there was this big gap between the front and back of me with no cars or very few. Please see the picture above that I included to show this and there was at least this same distance behind me that you see in front of me in this picture. Another proof of how this worked – it took me about 15 less minutes to get to the site on this morning than it did the day before and it was almost exactly the same time with the same amount of traffic. On top of that, another guy I was working with lives pretty close to me and he got there much later to the site. His comment about traffic that it was much worse on this day than the previous day.

So another thing with the angels is that I was getting the sense that my 3 day job was going to finish early and I know I needed the income. However, I also got the sense that if it did something else would fill in the gap. (this was yesterday morning before I arrived at the job site). So just like I sensed, the job was finished on day two. Then this morning, I overslept but saw a phone call and it was for an easy type of job today (at the last minute of course) that would pay well. (just what I’m asking the angels for). The only thing is, I was about 30 seconds to late calling the lady back and she had just lined someone else up. So I thought that was pretty cool even though I was a little too late in the call back. So I need to refine my request and say for this easy type of good paying jobs to have a little more notice and not be at the last minute.

The International Angel Day workshop I went to – the one message I got from the workshop was to spend time each day listening to my angels and asking them for help in whatever I needed. I’m not sure if I have to be shown this lesson in any more of a dramatic way than I have been with these two examples. I sometimes just don't stop and listen to what they are telling me like I should.

And once again, it proves to me that I'm not all alone in this world like I sometimes think I am. I hope this gives you as big of a smile as it has given me.