No Labels Needed

No labels needed can be applied in many ways to different things in life.  We are far too quick to use labels, and that hurts us and humanity.  We are too quick to apply labels of health issues on ourselves, and it holds us back.

I feel fortunate that a therapist cautioned me about applying labels to my life.  She asked me to rethink how I was trying to label my life.  She reasoned that if I applied a label, then I would end up living up to the label.  She was correct, and it was excellent advice.

How are you applying labels to your life or to others?

Today, I Know

(Written by Marie Davino)

I have been in some kind of therapy or other since I was 18, due to a difficult and dysfunctional family life as a child. In addition, I was bullied at school and had an eating disorder that became a lifelong struggle.

It has, at times, been a rough and very rocky road to say the least.  I knew that I had experienced some kind of abuse, but the memories of it were incomplete or vague. That made it difficult  for me to know for sure if I actually was molested… and to let it go.

The questions were always, “what if”, “what really happened”, or “who was this person?”  These questions haunted me, and were always in the back of my mind. I tried to recover the memory in different ways with different therapies over the years to no avail. I finally decided I would have to be ok with not ever knowing…until recently.

I worked with my last therapist for ten years, and he was wonderful. I will always be grateful for the work we did together and for the time and effort he gave to help me heal my past wounds. I reached a point where I was very happy, had left it all behind me, and felt my life was quite fulfilling for many years…and then, the bottom dropped out. I felt myself spiraling into a depression that  I could not express or understand. I tried my best to manage it with all of the tools I had learned over the years. Nothing was working.

That was when I found Jim Fazio and Unified Therapy. I began to work with him, and reached a level of trust so quickly that I was able to explore the reasons for the depression I was experiencing in great depth.  It is difficult to describe how the sessions go, but I can say there is very little talking, no advice or judgment, and all mind-body work in a safe, relaxing environment.

The sessions were intense and powerful... after each session was over, when I allowed myself to let go, I felt an overwhelming peace and joy that I had not experienced for a very long time. It was progressing so quickly that after a few months the memory became clearer… until one session when the answer came… I knew it was real, where the existing memory was leading, and that it happened.

The next morning, this poem was written in my mind in a matter of minutes, and I had to write it down.

Today, I Know

(c) 2017 By Marie Davino

Today I see the world through different eyes
Yesterday it was maybe, probably.
Maybe.
Today I know
Yesterday it was how could someone do that to a child
Today it is how could someone do that to my child
Yesterday I wondered why? (I suffocate!)
Why? (I can't breathe!) why? (I can't speak!)
Why? (Did I make this up?)
Today I know
The Angels gentle message
Floating on an ocean full of tears
drowning out my screams
Buried in sand up to my nose, hide my face from horror.
Can't move, can't breathe, why? (No one hears me.)
Today I know.
Paul sings it was far away… but it was here all along
He sings it will stay forever, but now I know
I will fight till I can let it go
These words of a million wounded souls, spoken a million times
Nothing new here...I am just one more broken heart to heal.
Freezing cold. Burning up.
No more shadows. No more darkness. No more silence. Today I weep.
Today I bathe in the soft lightness of mourning
In the gentle hands that hold me
Because now, I know.
Tomorrow I will see the world through different eyes.

I am sharing my experience on Mind Body Thoughts because through my work with Jim Fazio I found Don, and we have become good friends. What he writes on his blog is courageous, open, and honest, and helps me find the courage I need to continue to heal through some very difficult times. Many thanks to Don, for sharing so much of his life with us so we can see there is always hope…and to Jim, for holding on tight and going through the darkness with me.

- Marie

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Jim Fazio, LMT, CSI, UTP

Website:   Integrative Bodywork, Inc.

Activating the Brain-Body Connection for Healing.

Promote Health and Wellness, not disease and illness

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Marie

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Trauma Healing Bandaids

It is easy to think that you can just wave a magic wand and all will go away.   Trauma is trauma.  Trauma requires time to heal and it requires work to heal.  You can't just wish it away and think it is gone.  You can't act as if your magic wand got rid of it and it is gone.

I was reading a comment online the other day and basically the healing therapy that was being promoted is about discharging the memory that came up by bringing it to the surface and clearing the effects of the trauma.  In their view, it was like erasing a virus on a computer as it would no longer impact the person.

It sounds good to wave the magic wand and all the bad stuff in life will be gone.  If it were that simple, I would have done this years ago, but it is not that simple.  We can trick ourselves into believing it is, but then it would be giving false hope.  It is like applying a band-aid to a gushing wound and believing you have done all you need to do to stop the bleeding.

Therapy Turning Point In Life - Part 3

(Continued from Therapy Turning Point In Life - Part 2).  Please don't think I'm telling you to go and stop doing whatever it is that you're doing to make it in life.  However, I will offer a challenge to you that you seek out more than what you are currently doing.

There is healing we can find from the inside out that is more powerful than anything known to modern medical treatment today.  We just have to open our eyes and see the bigger picture.  (Please note that I'm not tearing down the medical establishment.  I just want to push them further to integrate all forms of healing).

Unfortunately, until we wake up to life, we will continue to do the things that numb us and hold the locked energy within our body.  You can't get happy long-term, just by thinking it.  It needs to come from within the cells of your body and the neuropathways that bring you to true happiness.  Too many think a mantra is all you need, but that's like trying to balance a teeter-tater with one person.

Therapy Turning Point In Life - Part 2

(Continued from the blog post, Therapy Turning Point In Life - Part 1).  Since the session, I really feel the exhaustion that has inhabited and overtaken my body.  I thought I felt a little tired, but I truly didn't feel it until the session woke me up and connected me once again to my body.  It was almost overwhelming to feel all of this.

Here is what I texted to Dr. Canali the following day.

I didn't realize just how numb I was and how much I wasn't feeling the exhaustion.  I'm feeling it full force now.  Unbelievable just how far the body will go.

Can you see just what can happen?  Here I've been walking around and through my days so stressed out.  I've been on the verge of losing it and started to do that with coworkers and people I loved.  I've been on the verge of just giving up in life because I had no strength to keep going.  Yet, my body and my mind were still protecting me.  It was keeping me alive even though I continued to shred my existence.

Therapy Turning Point In Life - Part 1

I've been battling exhaustion for the past few weeks and it was coming on full force for me.  It was taking me down.  I kept pushing and trying, but at the end of the day, if I wouldn't have stopped for a rest, I wouldn't have made it this far.  Physically and biologically my body could not keep up and my mind was not in a good place.

As I've been doing therapy to help counteract this and taken a medical leave of absence to regroup and recharge, I think I might have finally come to a turning point in therapy.  It hasn't been easy in therapy and it required me to find courage and strength to not give up as I went through what I needed to do.

In my latest Unified Therapy healing session with Dr Canali, we went into some of the gawd-awful places that I just wish I could avoid.  If I avoid them, they will continue to haunt me and the more I can go into them, the more freedom I will have.

How Long Should You Be In Therapy?

I just read an article titled that had merit to it, but then it probably inadvertently offered some bad advice for people.  I'll explain as I go through this blog post.  The title was In Therapy Forever and was published in The New York Times.  In many respects, I'm glad to see this subject being talked about, but I fear that in our instant society, it will send the wrong message.

Many years ago I had a friend who was seeing two therapists a week, going to group therapy and seeing a psychiatrist weekly.  He was complaining to me that he was making no progress and is one of those that could depress you after an hour conversation on the phone.  My response to him was, "maybe you are seeing too many therapists and you should cut back."  After hearing an audible gasp on the other end of the phone, he politely let me know that I was crazy for suggesting such a thing.

Other people that I have known who should have continued with therapy, quit long before they made progress.  They would come up to the edge of a major breakthrough only to run back to their safe space and avoid what they needed to deal with in their life.  Many humans do that because the fear of confronting these tough spaces is much greater and more difficult than actually doing the work to heal.

Why Won't Men Get Help

Getting help is sometimes very difficult to do.  Asking for help is sometimes something that humans won't do, especially men.  I know this first hand because I was one of those men that wouldn't ask for help or seek it out.  In fact, it took me to the point of a conversion disorder before I finally acknowledged I needed help.  

I still remember when I was getting ready to move away from my therapist and she told me that I had come so far during our time of treatment together.  I was struck though by something she shared with me.  She stated to me, "most people don't go far enough with therapy.  They often come in for a few sessions and quit, just before they really get to the point where they have a breakthrough."

As boys, we are taught to have the answers, and man up or show that we are growing up to be men.  Men feel that they have to be the ones in control, never relying upon anyone for anything.  It is taught throughout our society in the same way we are taught to breathe - automatically.  Unfortunately, when we do struggle and need help, our innate learning prevents us from finding healing for our mind and our body.

Anti Sissy Therapist

Anderson Cooper has done a story about Kirk Murphy. When Kirk Murphy was only 5 years old, his parents took him to this "new therapy" that was being advertised to help eliminate the "sissy" out of boys. As his mom was quoted in the AC360 story, she wanted him to grow up normal or what she refers to as normal.

Of course, the therapy involved neglect, withholding of love and affection, abuse, beatings and the common decency any child should receive. Keep in mind that this was all because little Kirk played with toys and things that his parents decided were not normal for a boy to play with. They, like many others in our society feels that it is their authority which gives them the right to say what the child should do and decide what they should not do. They feel it is justified in their mind at least without any concern to actually respecting the child.

Of course, as the story unfolds, George Reeker that did all of this research and founded his anti gay establishment on this research which was limited and one sided, could not help but use a gay guy to carry his luggage on a trip. Carrying his luggage was of course the "official response" of what he did when he hired someone from a place called rent boy.com. I'm not suggesting you go to that site but looking at that website, it is easy to see what it is about. You cannot convince me that George Reeker did not know what was going on and that nothing went on between him and this person he supposedly hired to carry his luggage. I'm sorry, but try as hard as you want, you can't convince me!

Back to the story though as I feel so sad for Kirk and his brother and sister. The mom - well that's a different story. If she was so unintelligent that subjecting her little boy to this abuse because they were the experts, than she should not have been a mother. I heard her act as if it was George Reeker that murdered her son and I'm like, excuse me but you are the one responsible here. You enabled George Reeker to do this. How can you sit there and act as if you are innocent! The lengths we as humans go to in order to excuse our actions!

What is even more sad is that this research that George Reeker did where he claims to have changed Kirk from being gay to normal has now been used against so many others. This therapy that tries to change gays to straight is about as absurd as it gets! God made us all in his image and there is no need to change ourselves because some narrow minded bigot thinks that gays should not exist. These are real people with real lives and breathing hearts!

Normally, I try not to get this controversial on this blog but I'm just astounded to the lengths that some people will go to in this world to hate others through their own misguided life. You can call it what you want but gay people are normal people and the sooner we learn that in this country and the world, the sooner we can advance ourselves as a human population. We all have something to bring to the table and if we learn to focus on what we share, rather than the differences between us, we might just take a big step toward becoming human.

Kirk, may you rest in peace and I'm so sorry that you chose this way out. I hope your life will shine the light of truth on these people that try to change gays into something they are not. I hope your life will help others to wake up and that you will not have died in vain. Fortunately, we've come a long way since the day you were a little boy but we've still got a long ways to go!



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Blog Post & Images (c) 6/10/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

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Things To Expect Going To A Therapist

Here is an article that Debbie Owen passed on to me, who is the creator the site, OnlineDoctorateDegree.com . Since it has some good information presented in a very simple format, I thought I would share it on my blog.

On the Couch: 10 Things to Expect When Going to a Therapist

Going to a therapist can be a difficult decision to come to. Movies and books make therapy out to be for crazy people and often put a bad spin on what goes on when you’re on the couch. While it may be hard to open up to loved ones, sitting down with a therapist gives you an opportunity to air your feelings in a judgment-free zone.

Don’t mistake therapy for something that has to go on for the rest of your life. Many do see a therapist for a number of years, but others see a therapist to deal with hard decision or crossroads in life. This means you can see a therapist for as few as three sessions or well into the next decade. Only you and your therapist can decide the right plan of action, but here’s what to expect once you sit down on the couch.

To read the entire article, click here.

Antidepressants - Expensive Tic Tacs?

According to a Newsweek.com article published on Jan 29, 2010, "The Depressing News About Antidepressants", studies suggest that popular drugs are no more effective than a placebo.

While I know that statement may come as a surprise to many and many may completely disagree with it, I'm actually learning just how true this is. At one time, I was on antidepressants as well and I actually believe they helped me during that time. It was a time where I was so depressed and suicidal that I needed something to help lift me up from that. During this time, I had very little support but did start to see a therapist on a regular basis. To me, the medications helped lift me up enough that therapy could work and I could begin moving forward in my life. Until that point, I was on a downward spiral.

My Own Medication Experiences
Than if I go back to some of my own experiences and that I've personally witnessed, I saw where drugs were the crutch and without them, the mind was much stronger than anyone wanted to believe. We often turn to the medical doctors, tests and medications first instead of taking inventory of all aspects of our lives.

I still remember when my grandfather needed pain pills after a car accident and since we lived in a rural area and it being the weekend, no medications refills could be obtained. My mother however, took some of our little candies from Halloween and convinced my grandfather that these were super pain pills. He went from being cranky and complaining about being in pain to falling asleep and having no pain. Little did he realize, that he had been given sugar candy and yet in his mind, these were pain pills.

In my own life, I've reached for medications that I thought helped but in fact, without them I could accomplish the same results. Of course that meant, I needed to address certain issues of my life and make changes in my life but in the long run, this was much better than a continued dependence upon drugs. I'm not talking minor physical complications either but situations involving allergies, migraines, stomach ulcers and some of the latest things that I experienced involving severe itching and rashes. Actually the more I tried the regular medications and drugs, the more some of my situations worsened.

Long Term Medication Harm
One thing that is important to note is that when you take medications, in order for it to alleviate some symptom or situation, you are suppressing something else in your body. Some normal process that helps keep your body in balance is now suppressed and that has implications on down the road at some point in your life. So, just because something seems to work on the surface, it may be doing untold harm to your body in ways that you're not even aware of. Most of the drug commercials on TV talk more about all the side effects than anything else, which I believe is very telling and proves the point that I'm trying to make here.

The Placebo Effect
In this Newsweek article, the following was stated which again lends credibility to what I am talking about.

But ever since a seminal study in 1998, whose findings were reinforced by landmark research in The Journal of the American Medical Association last month, that evidence has come with a big asterisk. Yes, the drugs are effective, in that they lift depression in most patients. But that benefit is hardly more than what patients get when they, unknowingly and as part of a study, take a dummy pill—a placebo. As more and more scientists who study depression and the drugs that treat it are concluding, that suggests that antidepressants are basically expensive Tic Tacs.

I'm Now Drug Free
For me, I am no longer on any medications. At one time, I was taking Zoloft for depression, Claritin for allergies, Imitrex for migraine headaches, Tagamet for my stomach problems and Tylenol for daily headaches. While I was taking these, I was told by medical professionals that most likely I would be on many of these for the rest of my life considering all that I had been through. Even though I had no clue or real understanding that I would one day be able to kick these drugs out the window, something deep inside of me urged me to keep searching. It was that little tiny voice inside that told me there was more to these things than I currently understood. The only thing I am currently taking is Fish Oils and there is a wealth of benefits that this naturally occurring substance helps our body with.


How Did I Do It?
As I went into some intense therapy where I started to face down the fears in my own life and let go of all that locked me into events of the past, my body began to change physically. So many conditions that I and the medical establishment thought were untreatable, were in reality something that could be changed. It wasn't a magic pill or a miraculous healing that did this. It was going into the fears of my life and the hidden corners of my mind to release all that was there. We all have situations in our current life or our past where things have happened to us and unless we find a way to allow that energy to exit, we hold it in the cells, muscles and tissues of our body. It is not until we fully release those things, that we truly get our lives back and function the way our bodies are meant to function.

Designed For Health And Balance
Our bodies are designed for health and balance. Our bodies are currently changing. In the book by Mirka Knaster, "Discovering The Body's Wisdom" on page 46 it says, in less than one year, we replace about 98 percent of all the atoms in our bodies. When I read that, I am astounded at just how much power our bodies have and how they biologically can change. If we continue to suppress their functions with the same information that we have relied upon all our lives, than we inhibit the change in our lives. Humans are evolutionary in that we should be changing and evolving. It is built into our biology. Let us not be content with the status quo because this is what we were raised to believe or what society offers as a total explanation to life. Let us all go beyond that and see the potential that exists even when we cannot begin to see a glimpse of it through our eyes.

*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

From Paralysis and Fear Through Touch

Note: For a licensed print ready version, click here.

Imagine a 25 year old guy laying in a hospital bed and struggling to talk, move all parts of his body and remember basic things like his name. There was no car accident and no disease. The muscles had the same tone in them as they had before this time.

Just days before, this same guy had been an average hard working person just trying to make it in life. Of course he had the usual aches and pains that everyone has and he had been getting medical attention to deal with all of this. Of course most of the doctors didn’t have the slightest clue what to do in this situation. After a severe episode of seizures, he was taken by ambulance to the hospital only to be sent home because they found nothing wrong with him.

As the situation worsened, family and friends once again took him to seek additional medical help. Fortunately this time a neurologist knew to ask the right questions which began the road of healing for this young man. He had been diagnosed with a condition known as a conversion disorder.

Conversion disorders are technically known as Somatoform Disorders which involve physical bodily symptoms that suggest there is a medical problem when in fact no medical condition can be found. Symptoms may include anything from chronic pain, blindness, and deafness to paralysis of the arms and legs, and seizures. Conversion Disorders are estimated to occur in about 15 out of 100,000 people. It is a very rare condition.

If you have not figured out by now who this person is, it was me. I suffered through this condition in 1991 and have fought hard to overcome the effects of it. Although some sources indicate there is no treatment for the disorder, most people would not be able to tell I suffered through paralysis to the point that my brain was shutting down on me.

As part of my continued healing, I spent many years undergoing counseling and therapy to overcome the effects of this condition. With conversion disorders, there is usually an underlying emotional situation such as child abuse that goes to the root cause. I did suffer through intense child abuse as a kid and I have had to deal with the effects that this brought into my life.

For a long time in my life, I struggled with touch. Since my body was beaten and sexually abused as a kid, touch and closeness to other humans was not something that was a comfort to me. Yet at the same time, I longed for touch and I longed to be close to people because it was a very lonely life.

Several years ago, I started trying to receive massage from a very good licensed massage therapist in NC. This lady was very professional and tried to make sure she could do whatever it took to help me begin accepting touch as something good, healthy and beneficial. I think I made it through about 3 sessions before what she was doing just triggered me to past events. I still remember leaving her office that day, so silent and withdrawn, not able to say what was going on and afraid of her even though she was doing a fantastic job. Of course it was not her that I was afraid of, it was the touch.

More healing took place in my life which allowed me for the first time to accept touch in a healthy and wholesome way. As time went, I began to trust a very special person in my life and touch became so much easier than it had ever been in my life. However I went through some very intense periods where a hug would leave me feeling nauseated and I would feel at times like my skin was crawling with bugs. Even with all of the struggles I faced, my body longed to be touched and to actually feel the touch and feel the goodness that it held.

After a life changing event where I lost my mom to a car accident, I began to contemplate the future direction of my life and the role the universe was asking me to play in it. Amazingly with all of the touch issues I struggled with, I was drawn to massage school. Just before massage school, I once again had a massage and it was actually something that was a much more enjoyable experience for me. I knew that I was drawn to massage school for some reason but was not totally sure why at that point nor was I sure if I could handle learning how to touch others. Fortunately, I trusted my intuition enough and took a giant leap of faith into massage school.

I felt so at home at Educating Hands School of Massage and I felt like I would be able to learn how to trust others. So as time went and we began doing the touch on each other, I was so frightened. My body didn’t know how to take all of this and so most of the time, it just shut down to what I was feeling. I know several of my classmates were frustrated when we tried to give feedback about the massage and I had no words to describe it because I could not feel it. I knew that the massage was not bad, but I absolutely could not feel it.

With time and continued massage day after day, my body began to wake up. It started to see for the first time in my entire life just what touch was. It was like a miracle to me and as I began to feel the touch of my classmates in my body, I began to feel and sense through my fingers wonderful things that were going on inside of those people I got to work on. As school progressed and the experiences continued to come my way, my body became more awake and alive. Life started to change in dramatic ways for me.

Last July, I again followed intuition and attended a workshop by Dr. Paul Canali on the Enteric Brain. It was at this workshop that I heard someone speak a language about the body which my body fully understood and realized that no one else had ever spoken in this way. Through my continued work with Dr. Canali’s, “Unified Healing Therapy”, I am for the first time in my life becoming totally aware of what it means to live in my body. I’m actually experiencing what it means to reach a relaxed state far from the anxiety, depression and abuse that I suffered from all of my life. Touch is becoming so much more alive in me and life is becoming more beautiful with each new day of awareness that I am introduced to.

Working with people who struggle with touch takes a great deal of patience, understanding, compassion, sensitivity and non judgment. There are others out there like myself who may come across your massage table and I hope that you realize from my story that touch is sometimes a very scary thing but you may just be one of the healing stones for that person on their journey. From first hand experience, I know there is hope for each and everyone of these people and while the journey may get rough, it is well worth it in the end.