No Labels Needed

No labels needed can be applied in many ways to different things in life.  We are far too quick to use labels, and that hurts us and humanity.  We are too quick to apply labels of health issues on ourselves, and it holds us back.

I feel fortunate that a therapist cautioned me about applying labels to my life.  She asked me to rethink how I was trying to label my life.  She reasoned that if I applied a label, then I would end up living up to the label.  She was correct, and it was excellent advice.

How are you applying labels to your life or to others?

Angry At Your Doctor Or Therapist

I see this time and time again and it breaks my heart.  While I realize there are some medical professionals that probably fail their patients, there are many patients who fail their medical professionals.  I'm not saying everyone is like that, but I've seen many situations where this is true.

Calling your doctor a nut or a stupid or making rude remarks at them is not going to help you or them get to a better situation.  If you hate the doctor or medical professional that much, maybe its time to find someone that you like.  Not all medical professionals match with patients because like anything in life, it is a relationship.  If the relationship doesn't work, the medical professional isn't going to be good for you.

One thing I've seen though is how people want to go into a doctor or therapist and expect them to do all the healing work for the person.  It is like, walk into their office and expect the doctor and therapist to magically make everything better.  If you view medical people in this way, you may want to rethink this approach.

Sometimes we only go part way...

They can only work with you to the extent that you are willing to work with them.  Too many people will only go part way or fail to do what is suggested after they leave the medical office.  It is like, great suggestion doc or therapist, but well, life got busy.  I forgot to do whatever it was you suggested that I do.  Please fix me though.  I may sound harsh to patients but it is sad when you see this.

Yes, I know that sometimes doctors and therapists don't work out either.  This is a discussion you need to have with your medical provider.  Be honest with them and let them be honest with you.  You're not going to get anywhere if you hate them and they are frustrated with you.

I went through Conversion Disorder and while I didn't have the internet to search and see what it was about, I learned that I had to trust my doctor in the beginning.  He wanted me to get better and he was applying his knowledge and training in the best way that he could.  In the very early days, I was not even aware of the actual diagnosis.  My doctor and I were more concerned about helping me get past the physical issues and enter life in the healthiest and most normal way that I could.

I learned to ask the right questions...

Some days it required me to have patience.  It often required that I learned to ask the questions that I needed to ask so that I understood what was going on.  It required me to not think that I knew it all, but open myself up to possibilities that may not be thoughts in my brain at that time.

Sometimes we are so busy fighting the doctor thinking we know it all, but we forget that we are in a physical situation that we cannot control.  This is why we have sought medical help and if we treat the medical professionals with contempt and in a rude way, how will this help us?

I feel for doctors and therapists because I have had the same thing happen to me in massage work.  I've had clients look at me like I was crazier than a looney nutcase!  Yet, I knew from experience that what I was trying to accomplish would work.  It would help.  If the patient fights you at every turn, there is only so much you can do.

Give up all that you know...

I have said this many times but in order to heal, you often have to give up all that you think you know and find out what it is that you don't know.  When we face physical situations, there is something that is missing and we can either fight against finding out what that is, or we can open our minds up to all possibilities.

The choice is for each person to make.  Some patients will gladly pursue the unknown possibilities and others will not.  At the end of the day, you can only hope that you have a qualified medical professional helping you and that your desire to want to get better is more than words.

This also requires the medical professionals to know when they are not making progress and either find a new course or bring in someone that maybe can help.  It requires medical professionals to step outside of their own paradigms because some effective form of healing may be just around the corner.

Find the right doctor or therapist for you...

At the end of the day, we all have to work together.  We need to form a good relationship between the patient and medical provider.  If that does not exist, then it is time to move on and find the right relationship that will help you heal.  It may also mean, changing your approach to the medical professional and surrendering to their assistance to follow their advice.

I don't write any of this out of malice because I know when you're in the middle of horrific, painful, and life-altering situations, there is no easy moment.  There is no moment that makes this clear.  I'm just asking you, the reader, to look at things differently.  See beyond what you see and know and feel to be true.  That's where you will find the answers!

You may want to check out a blog post I wrote last year on Challenge Your Healing Paradigm.

(click image to read)

Question Of The Day

Are you allowing yourself to see all possibilities in your own healing?  Leave a comment below to share your take on all of this or what you have learned.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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How Long Should You Be In Therapy?

I just read an article titled that had merit to it, but then it probably inadvertently offered some bad advice for people.  I'll explain as I go through this blog post.  The title was In Therapy Forever and was published in The New York Times.  In many respects, I'm glad to see this subject being talked about, but I fear that in our instant society, it will send the wrong message.

Many years ago I had a friend who was seeing two therapists a week, going to group therapy and seeing a psychiatrist weekly.  He was complaining to me that he was making no progress and is one of those that could depress you after an hour conversation on the phone.  My response to him was, "maybe you are seeing too many therapists and you should cut back."  After hearing an audible gasp on the other end of the phone, he politely let me know that I was crazy for suggesting such a thing.

Other people that I have known who should have continued with therapy, quit long before they made progress.  They would come up to the edge of a major breakthrough only to run back to their safe space and avoid what they needed to deal with in their life.  Many humans do that because the fear of confronting these tough spaces is much greater and more difficult than actually doing the work to heal.

Why Won't Men Get Help

Getting help is sometimes very difficult to do.  Asking for help is sometimes something that humans won't do, especially men.  I know this first hand because I was one of those men that wouldn't ask for help or seek it out.  In fact, it took me to the point of a conversion disorder before I finally acknowledged I needed help.  

I still remember when I was getting ready to move away from my therapist and she told me that I had come so far during our time of treatment together.  I was struck though by something she shared with me.  She stated to me, "most people don't go far enough with therapy.  They often come in for a few sessions and quit, just before they really get to the point where they have a breakthrough."

As boys, we are taught to have the answers, and man up or show that we are growing up to be men.  Men feel that they have to be the ones in control, never relying upon anyone for anything.  It is taught throughout our society in the same way we are taught to breathe - automatically.  Unfortunately, when we do struggle and need help, our innate learning prevents us from finding healing for our mind and our body.

Things To Expect Going To A Therapist

Here is an article that Debbie Owen passed on to me, who is the creator the site, OnlineDoctorateDegree.com . Since it has some good information presented in a very simple format, I thought I would share it on my blog.

On the Couch: 10 Things to Expect When Going to a Therapist

Going to a therapist can be a difficult decision to come to. Movies and books make therapy out to be for crazy people and often put a bad spin on what goes on when you’re on the couch. While it may be hard to open up to loved ones, sitting down with a therapist gives you an opportunity to air your feelings in a judgment-free zone.

Don’t mistake therapy for something that has to go on for the rest of your life. Many do see a therapist for a number of years, but others see a therapist to deal with hard decision or crossroads in life. This means you can see a therapist for as few as three sessions or well into the next decade. Only you and your therapist can decide the right plan of action, but here’s what to expect once you sit down on the couch.

To read the entire article, click here.

Resources for Survivors

There are many resources out there for survivors of child sexual abuse. While many of these may be for male survivors, some of them would equally apply to female survivors as well. By no means is this list complete and to make it complete, I'm sure it would easily become a book.

If you have a resource that helps survivors heal, please feel free to email me and I'll update the list or just leave a comment with the information in it and I'll publish it that way. Either way works fine but my goal is to provide as many resources for survivors as I can along with links to more information or various books.

This may become too large for one blog post and if it does, I'll put this all in a pdf and upload it with a link. I'm not sure how large this will get but I'll keep adding to it until I find I need to change the format in how it is displayed.



BOOKS:

1. Hope And Possibility Through Trauma by Don Shetterly

2. Father's Touch by Donald D'Haene

3. Victims No Longer by Mike Lew

4. Leaping Upon The Mountains by Mike Lew

5. The Fishfly by Rob Maniscalco

6. Boys Cry Too by John Mark Clubb

7. Unpinned by Grant Watkins

8. Unraveling the Threads: ... by Ginny Moye

9. This Tangled Web by Kate Swift

10. Men In My Town by Keith Smith




BLOGS

1. Mind Body Thoughts Blog
A blog dedicated to healing and development in the area of how our minds and our thoughts connect with our awareness.

2. The Beckstead Group
Inspiring and Motivating people to enhance the best Human Beings that they are.

3. Men In My Town
A blog about the book, "Men In My Town" written by Keith Smith




ORGANIZATIONS

1. Male Survivor.org

2. Men Thriving.org

3. 1 in 6.org

4. Surviving Spirit.com

5. RAINN

6. Survivors Of Incest Anonymous

7. Women Speak Out

8. Just Tell.org

9. Stop Abuse Campaign

10. The Coming To Life Project




THERAPISTS

1. Dr. Howard Fradkin - Columbus, OH.

2. Mike Lew - Jamaica Plain, MA.

3. Dr. Paul Canali - Miami, FL.




SUPPORT GROUPS

1. Men's Peer Support Group (Toronto) - Stephen MacDonald




TV & MEDIA

1. Oprah - Resources For Male Survivors

2. Big Voice Pictures - Boys And Men Healing

3. Boyhood Shadows Project - Boyhood Shadows: The Film




OTHER

1. The Child Abuse Survivor Monument Project



MUSIC

1. Music About Life - Michael Skinner Music

2. Relaxing Piano Music From The Heart - Don Shetterly




SURVIVORS AND FRIENDS

1. Survivors And Friends.org



Note: Please feel free to link to this list or use these resources to help advance the recovery and prevention of child abuse. I will try to update this information as I hear about things, so please keep checking back. If you use this information, I would greatly appreciate a credit or link back to this blog at: http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/