Trauma Induces The Freeze Response

Dr Drew - CNN / HLN
Trauma Induces Freeze Response

Recently on CNN, Dr. Drew was interviewing Tom Arnold and Dr. Allan Schore (a Neuroscientist) about the Sandusky child abuse and molestation story.  In the following video clip of the show, some very important points were made.

Often many survivors ask the continual question of why didn't I speak out and tell someone about the abuse or why didn't I scream.  Outside of the fact, that survivors are viewing the situation through an adult mind, there is a more relevant reason.  When we are faced with traumatic situations as children, our minds are not able to handle these things and trauma induces a freeze response.


Your Mind And Body Check Out
We all know that when you are confronted with a fearful situation that there is the flight or fight response.  However, as a child when you are overpowered by an adult, the fight response is most likely not the one you will gravitate towards.  After all, how can a little child have the strength to stand up to someone much bigger then they are?  In the eyes of a child, an adult is the same as a giant.  The alternative is to flee, but that does not mean you are running from the situation.  Often it means that you endure the situation, but your mind and body check out because there is no way to run away from the person doing these things to you.

Child Abuse Monument

We are in the process of completing the World's First Monument to survivors and victims of child abuse. Once finished it needs to be placed in a prominent place, so as to have the most impact.

The purpose of this petition is to bring to the attention of the Province of Ontario the "Reaching Out" Child Abuse Monument and a way in which the Province can bring significant attention to the issue of child abuse, in a positive, meaningful context of hope and healing.

Please when signing the petition also comment in the box on the right to tell the Province what will the Monument mean to you and why it should be in a prominent location.

The Monument is a bronze statue built upon the courage and spirit of victims of child abuse and their supporters, and empowers them to speak out. It addresses child abuse in a non-confrontational way by focusing on the feelings of those affected, offering hope and facilitating the healing process.

The Monument uniquely uses the direct voice for survivors and their supporters to artistically speak about concerns words can often not convey. It serves to educate and increase awareness of an issue that, despite its prevalence, remains a subject around which the general public has limited knowledge and understanding.

Monument Design:

Dr. Michael Irving designed the Monument to incorporate the artistic contribution of survivors of abuse and/or their families and supporters. The underlying premise of a Monument of individual quilts is that people who have confronted and survived abuse, who have triumphed over adversity, possess a special wisdom that can help others face the reality of child abuse, through hopeful, healing messages.

Measuring over 11 feet tall and 32 feet wide, the bronze sculpture is a representation of two standing figures with arms spread out and upward in an encompassing embrace, as shown on the cover page of this proposal. Quilted shawls drape the outstretched arms and shoulders of the figures.

Each ten-inch square quilt features a cast hand of a survivor or a supporter of a survivor, along with their artwork and sometimes, their words. Seventy-six of the quilt squares have an outline of a child's hand and their personal message about child abuse. On each figure, a number quilt squares are left smooth as a place of remembrance for all survivors.

Visitors to the site can use water to moisten a hand and rest it on one of the plain squares, creating a temporary hand print and allowing them to be part of the Monument while undertaking a few moments of contemplation.

To fully do the work for which it was created, the Monument needs to be placed at a permanent site where its message can be available to the public.

To sign the petition:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/A-Home-for-Child-Abuse-Monument/


Related YouTube Videos and News Interviews:
1) Child Abuse Monument Designed For Queen's Park
2) Viet Nam Wall Inspires Child Abuse Monument

Resources for Survivors

There are many resources out there for survivors of child sexual abuse. While many of these may be for male survivors, some of them would equally apply to female survivors as well. By no means is this list complete and to make it complete, I'm sure it would easily become a book.

If you have a resource that helps survivors heal, please feel free to email me and I'll update the list or just leave a comment with the information in it and I'll publish it that way. Either way works fine but my goal is to provide as many resources for survivors as I can along with links to more information or various books.

This may become too large for one blog post and if it does, I'll put this all in a pdf and upload it with a link. I'm not sure how large this will get but I'll keep adding to it until I find I need to change the format in how it is displayed.



BOOKS:

1. Hope And Possibility Through Trauma by Don Shetterly

2. Father's Touch by Donald D'Haene

3. Victims No Longer by Mike Lew

4. Leaping Upon The Mountains by Mike Lew

5. The Fishfly by Rob Maniscalco

6. Boys Cry Too by John Mark Clubb

7. Unpinned by Grant Watkins

8. Unraveling the Threads: ... by Ginny Moye

9. This Tangled Web by Kate Swift

10. Men In My Town by Keith Smith




BLOGS

1. Mind Body Thoughts Blog
A blog dedicated to healing and development in the area of how our minds and our thoughts connect with our awareness.

2. The Beckstead Group
Inspiring and Motivating people to enhance the best Human Beings that they are.

3. Men In My Town
A blog about the book, "Men In My Town" written by Keith Smith




ORGANIZATIONS

1. Male Survivor.org

2. Men Thriving.org

3. 1 in 6.org

4. Surviving Spirit.com

5. RAINN

6. Survivors Of Incest Anonymous

7. Women Speak Out

8. Just Tell.org

9. Stop Abuse Campaign

10. The Coming To Life Project




THERAPISTS

1. Dr. Howard Fradkin - Columbus, OH.

2. Mike Lew - Jamaica Plain, MA.

3. Dr. Paul Canali - Miami, FL.




SUPPORT GROUPS

1. Men's Peer Support Group (Toronto) - Stephen MacDonald




TV & MEDIA

1. Oprah - Resources For Male Survivors

2. Big Voice Pictures - Boys And Men Healing

3. Boyhood Shadows Project - Boyhood Shadows: The Film




OTHER

1. The Child Abuse Survivor Monument Project



MUSIC

1. Music About Life - Michael Skinner Music

2. Relaxing Piano Music From The Heart - Don Shetterly




SURVIVORS AND FRIENDS

1. Survivors And Friends.org



Note: Please feel free to link to this list or use these resources to help advance the recovery and prevention of child abuse. I will try to update this information as I hear about things, so please keep checking back. If you use this information, I would greatly appreciate a credit or link back to this blog at: http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Forgiveness For Survivors of Sexual Abuse

Growing up in the house that I did, forgiveness meant something very different than what I am now learning that it means. The concept I was taught in church was to basically forgive and forget. It was a way of thinking that nothing ever happened and like the person you were forgiving basically never did anything wrong. For it was taught that this was between you and the other person and that to remember any part of the transgression meant you had not let go of it or forgiven the person.

I remember in one church I was going to, they had me come to the front of the church towards the end of the service. Most likely they had great intentions but their actions were very traumatic to me and little did I recognize it at the time. They had me kneel down and they laid their hands on my head (might have even anointed me with some type of oil) and then prayed that I would forgive and forget what these abusers has done to me. I went through the actions but you know what - nothing changed in my life. In all reality, I was in the grief and anger period of my recovery and to stop that process is in itself traumatizing.

What I am now realizing about forgiveness is that it really has nothing to do with the relationship you have to the person that has caused you wrong. It has nothing to do with forgetting what happened to you. It is not something that you need to beat yourself up if you are able to forgive at this moment or just hearing these words makes you feel angry. It is not about letting the abuser off the hook or remotely saying that what they did is okay. Forgiving is not about saying you cannot be angry at what the person did to you.

Forgiveness is a process and one that takes time to happen. It is not a one time event of prayer or repetition of some stated thought that brings you to the state of forgiveness. In fact, it is most likely not an exact moment in time although it may build up to that. If you're at a point where this entire concept angers you and you find yourself saying, there is no way I can ever forgive my abuser for what they did to me, you are fine just where you are at. I have walked in those same shoes and cursed those that proclaimed I had to forgive my abusers because I was not ready to even go down that part of my healing.

To me, forgiveness is about letting go and learning to let go of the effects of what happened to me. God knows I have the right to be angry at what they did to me. The sexual abuse I suffered through was horrific. However, I am now learning that this process of forgiveness is about me learning to let go of all the energy that I hold within my body relating to the abuse. It has nothing to do with the people that did these things because it is more about me finding deeper healing within myself.

The more I hold on to these events and allow them to control my life, the more I am hurting myself. The more I allow these people in my past to inflict their shame upon me and influence every part of my life, the more I am giving up of myself. By allowing myself to begin the process of reclaiming my life and taking back my power, I am in fact, letting go of the harmful effects of what these abusers did to me. I am offering myself up to forgiveness because I am allowing my life to connect with who I truly am. I am discovering myself and embracing all parts of myself. That is what forgiveness means to me.

It is a process and not just a single moment that sometimes takes years to comprehend. The more you allow yourself to go down into this part of healing, the more life becomes something worth living for and you begin to realize your true potential. As you begin to learn how to forgive yourself, you start to reclaim your power, your energy and the essence of who you are. In these moments, you become more human and rightfully take your place in the universe. You may find that forgiveness is a process that unfolds and then rests for awhile but picks up again in the future and allows you to go deeper into forgiveness.

Never let anyone tell you that forgiveness means you must forget what happened to you or indicate that you somehow have to contact the abuser in order to do this. This process is about your own healing journey and you accepting yourself completely and becoming more aware of yourself. It is a process and sometimes it takes a considerable length of time. Sometimes you may not even realize it is happening until you look back a few miles and see that you have actually moved into forgiveness of your own life. We all have our journey to walk and each journey is different. The important point is to remember that we need to keep walking on our journey no matter how difficult it may get.

(c) 11/9/10 by Don Shetterly - Use by permission only.

A Journey Through Words - Book Review

At one time, there was an organization called, Voices In Action. Voices in Action stands for Victims Of Incest Can Emerge Survivors and was around for approximately 25 years until lack of funding and donations took them under. It was a great organization and one that really helped put me on my own personal road to recovery.

The reason I bring up Voices In Action, is that through this organization, I began to write and collect writings of my own healing journey. At each yearly conference, Voices would have an art exhibit for survivors and so this collection of writings was created as an entry into the exhibit. Of course, it may not be the most professional thing written on the planet, but it was a work in progress showing my own journey and my own recovery. It changed and grew as I changed and grew.

It is very colorful and artistically designed with images and pictures that match the words or thoughts coming through. Much thought from my heart and soul went into it. Some of the images are from fellow travelers through my journey but most images are my own creation. At the end of it, you'll find some of my own personal story written which at the time is all that had evolved. If I was to sit down and write my own personal story, it would be much more complete and evolved than this book was written.

The book, A Journey Through Words, is a very personal side of me and a work that I'll always cherish knowing how it got its start. One day soon, I hope to be publishing more work. As you will note through much of what I write, I try to be very open with my own journey and recovery. There is too much silence when it comes to child abuse and my hope is that my life will touch others in a way which enables them to move from being a survivor to a thriving person healing from the pain.

According to an email I received from LuLu.com, for a limited time through LuLu.com, if you enter the coupon code of "summerread305, you will receive a discount of 10%. I believe that is for the 8x11 paperback version. There is a digital version that you can download online which is cheaper but no discount is applied. The offer ends on June 30, 2010 according to the email I received.

Here is the description of the book, "A Journey Through Words"

Don is a survivor of sexual abuse by members of his family. The abuse started when he was around 5 years old and continued until he went to college in 1983. Don has been in recovery for several years. In 1991, he was paralyzed from a conversion disorder and at that time, he started on his road to healing. Throughout his journey, he has faced anxiety attacks, depression, suicide and nightmares! As he looks back, he sees that it is possible to go from a victim to a survivor and today as a result of his journey; his life has changed in ways he could have never imagined. One of the things that Don has used over the years in his healing is that of writing. Poems, stories and thoughts have helped him piece so many missing parts of his life together. A Journey Through Words includes many of those things he has written. His only hope is that it will touch the lives of all who read the words and that it will have a special place of love and compassion in their hearts.

A Journey Through Words is also available on Amazon but there is no discount at this time.

If you would like to leave a beautiful comment and review for the book on Lulu.com or Amazon.com, I would be greatly honored.


*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

The Audacity

While this blog is about much more than child molestation, it is very hard for me to sit by and not say something. I was abused by two people in my life, who to this day have never acknowledged it and in fact have done almost everything in their power to silence me. I'm still standing! They have not silenced me and they will never silence me.

When I just read the story of the Catholic Bishop in Connecticut on CNN.com, I became furious with the Catholic organization. The Bishop is quoted in a letter to parishioners stating the following:

The "legislation would undermine the mission of the Catholic Church in Connecticut, threatening our parishes, our schools, and our Catholic Charities," the letter says.

So let me ask anyone who is reading this: Is the church not there to bring love, peace and goodwill to all men? Are they not there to protect our children, as Jesus stated in the bible? Are these Church officials nothing more than a bunch of crime thugs trying to skirt the laws and protections of our land at our expense?

You may say I'm being too harsh and this has no place on this blog, but I know a countless number of survivors who it does matter to, and who have had to deal with a nightmare all their life. It has kept far too many from finding joy and peace in their lives, because of the living hell they go through on a daily basis. It has claimed the lives of too many because they were too afraid to fight and to stand up and break the silence. That is why I'm angry. That is why I'm furious with the Catholic Church.

Yes, I know it doesn't stop with the Catholic Church. There are other religious organizations just as bad, but so far, they've gotten away with what they have done. In time, it will come out. And anyone who supports the atrocities taking place in the Catholic church is beyond my comprehension. I understand you have your faith and your commitment. I respect that. However, if money is continued to be given to these organizations that support child abuse, then is it just the leadership of the church that is guilty?

I'm really bewildered that a Bishop would put out such a letter and I can only hope that the legislators in Connecticut do the right thing and stand up for what they believe. If there ever is a time for people to stand up and be accounted for, this is it. I hope that all people in Connecticut contact their legislators, and beg them to support the legislation. The victims of child abuse need this and deserve this. There have been far too many wounds inflicted upon the human mind, body, spirit, and our society to let this be swept under the rug again.

This is why I continue to speak out. This is why I stand up with others who have been abused to break the silence. It is hard enough for victims of child abuse to learn how to function on a daily basis, and the last thing they need is for the church to have their way in silencing them. It is a sad testament to this religious organization, and it must stop.


*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog