The Audacity

While this blog is about much more than child molestation, it is very hard for me to sit by and not say something. I was abused by two people in my life, who to this day have never acknowledged it and in fact have done almost everything in their power to silence me. I'm still standing! They have not silenced me and they will never silence me.

When I just read the story of the Catholic Bishop in Connecticut on CNN.com, I became furious with the Catholic organization. The Bishop is quoted in a letter to parishioners stating the following:

The "legislation would undermine the mission of the Catholic Church in Connecticut, threatening our parishes, our schools, and our Catholic Charities," the letter says.

So let me ask anyone who is reading this: Is the church not there to bring love, peace and goodwill to all men? Are they not there to protect our children, as Jesus stated in the bible? Are these Church officials nothing more than a bunch of crime thugs trying to skirt the laws and protections of our land at our expense?

You may say I'm being too harsh and this has no place on this blog, but I know a countless number of survivors who it does matter to, and who have had to deal with a nightmare all their life. It has kept far too many from finding joy and peace in their lives, because of the living hell they go through on a daily basis. It has claimed the lives of too many because they were too afraid to fight and to stand up and break the silence. That is why I'm angry. That is why I'm furious with the Catholic Church.

Yes, I know it doesn't stop with the Catholic Church. There are other religious organizations just as bad, but so far, they've gotten away with what they have done. In time, it will come out. And anyone who supports the atrocities taking place in the Catholic church is beyond my comprehension. I understand you have your faith and your commitment. I respect that. However, if money is continued to be given to these organizations that support child abuse, then is it just the leadership of the church that is guilty?

I'm really bewildered that a Bishop would put out such a letter and I can only hope that the legislators in Connecticut do the right thing and stand up for what they believe. If there ever is a time for people to stand up and be accounted for, this is it. I hope that all people in Connecticut contact their legislators, and beg them to support the legislation. The victims of child abuse need this and deserve this. There have been far too many wounds inflicted upon the human mind, body, spirit, and our society to let this be swept under the rug again.

This is why I continue to speak out. This is why I stand up with others who have been abused to break the silence. It is hard enough for victims of child abuse to learn how to function on a daily basis, and the last thing they need is for the church to have their way in silencing them. It is a sad testament to this religious organization, and it must stop.


*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Rules, Religion and Control

If you've been following the news lately, you will most likely have seen the series done on Anderson Cooper AC360 with respect to Scientology as well as all the coverage of the Catholic church cover up on child molestation. It is all over the news and of course when the "words" come out from those victimized by these organizations, the first thing that is done is to silence the victims.

The Scientology group of course brings out people to claim that what these victims are saying, just never happened. If you watch closely, you'll see that each person speaking on behalf of Scientology is almost reciting some memorized series of statements cloaked as fact, to basically say the same thing. It makes them appear to be speaking in unison against a rebellious few. Coincidence in the way this is done - not in my mind!

Then if you go to the Catholic Church and see the coverage of the victims that is coming out and how much it has been hidden all the way to the top of the Church organization, you see the top officials making the victims out to be nothing more than spreading gossip and hate against the church. You see the church officials do everything they can to discredit the people who are bringing these accusations out. Of course when that does not work, you invoke people's sense of shame and guilt by making statements connected to beliefs of the church so as to make it almost a sin to speak out.

These organizations are very clever in how they stomp down on those that speak out about people in the organizations . Yet, the Bible is very clear in the case of children that children are not to be harmed. Maybe that is one part of the Bible that these people don't feel they need to follow. Who knows? I would offer an explanation that it has nothing to do with following the bible. My premise is that it has more to do with power and ego than anything else.

The ego loves to be fed and you feed the ego through power, money, possession, fear and control of others, abuse, molestation, jealousy, hatred, bigotry, racism and on and on and on. The ego is the one that causes us to do things that we would otherwise not do. Ok, maybe that statement is a little overly simplified but in many ways, the ego is at the root of everything. So the power that these organizations have is simply a way to feed the ego of the people running them as well as all the people under them.

That is why the Scientology Church and the Catholic Church all try to find ways to silence the victim. For if the victims are allowed to expose the "sins" of the organization, than they would lose their control, power and money. I'm sure there is someone reading this thinking that I'm being too harsh on these places. And it isn't just the Scientology Church or the Catholic Church that does this. It is churches of all denominations and governments and groups. Where there is control, power and money - you'll find the ego is alive and well.

What I'm more amazed at is how people allow themselves to be controlled and manipulated as members of these organizations. They give money out of the sense of duty and obligation as a passage way to greater rewards and gifts for their own life. And even when all of these facts pour out about the abuse and atrocities that are a result of the inner workings of the church, they still give money to these organizations. Why is that? What part of this is hard for them to see?

It all comes down to these people who from little babies on up have been fed a set of beliefs. In the beginning, nothing seemed out of the ordinary in the way these things were taught to them or if it did, the desire to belong to these organizations over powered the need to be consciously aware of what was being taught. And so as the family units within the rules of society were developed, these beliefs became equal to taking a breath of air. The consciousness of the mind and brain of these peoples had been diminished to follow blindly the will, control and power of those who were in charge. It was a snowball affect of epic proportions that ran so quickly out of control, no one could notice. Of course, each of these people were mindless and following along as if they were being fed the last morsel of food while those in charge were counting on and manipulating the same people to do this. It was a viscous cycle cloaked in the concept of love, forgiveness and purpose both for now in this life time and in the future.

When we give our power away to those in charge or with more authority, we lose a little piece of ourselves. Each time we do this, we lose a little more. We become less than human as we hand over that which is so valuable to ourselves. We don't think anymore of what seems normal and reasonable. We just allow ourselves to be led blindly and mindlessly. Yes, most of these organizations do not want you to be consciously aware because if you are, you might not go along with the rest of the people in what is considered belief and fact.

And if you don't think that this applies to you, than I've got some bad news for you - it does! If you are not constantly evaluating through an objective view point, all that you hold dear to you, than you are following the status quo. It doesn't mean that what you believe is wrong but you must be willing to challenge it in an objective way in the absence of fear and control to find out if it truly is something that should be in the fabric of your life. Accepting norms and standards and beliefs because that is what society and religious organizations push us to do is not only feeding the ego of those in control but it is aiding you in becoming a mindless person without consciousness.

Consciousness is the way we evolve and become more human. It is becoming more aware of ourselves and all that we are. It is letting go and discarding all that we find to be less than in our lives and embracing that which is helping us discover more of ourselves. Giving our power away to others, no matter how noble the cause, is giving up the basics parts of our humanity. We are not meant to be mindless people in search of truth. We are meant to be conscious people in search of awareness and the evolution of our souls. For when we give up ourselves and when we give up the fear and control in our lives, only then will we truly find ourselves.

Note: Photo by NASA/courtesy of nasaimages.org.


*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

The Secrets We Hold

Lately I've thought about all the secrets we hold as humans and they are many. Often times, we do not even own up to the ones that we hold so closely. Yet, they are numerous. Many justify these subconsciously in our minds every day and reinforce them through behaviors, beliefs, rituals and routines. The secrets can range from the more subtle to the extreme, from the almost innocent in appearance to the ones that would make a sensational news story on the nightly news.

In my own life, I've been told some whoppers! The secrets that have been carried down were once referred to me as "skeletons in a closet". I was told that often it is best to leave the skeletons alone because everyone has them. But is it really best to leave the skeletons alone in our closets? Who does that protect or benefit or hurt?

While everyone could make a strong compelling argument that holding on to these secrets is a way of protecting various people in our lives, the same case could be made that these same secrets hurt many more than they protect. We don't often think of that or of the people it may hurt when the secrets are formed. We don't often think of the future ramifications and the distortion of events that will occur with years of continued secrecy. It is as if, we are only trying to protect ourselves or someone close to us at the expense of others around us.

In my life, I have spent many years trying to uncover the hidden secrets in my life and of those around me. I have attempted to remain as an open book as much as I can and yet, I'm sure if I think about it, I have secrets that I have formed. And now, as I try to heal the intricate pieces of my life, there are many that are missing because they are locked up as secrets. Some of the secrets have gone to a grave and some will just never be told.

I can just hear the chatter going on in minds at this moment including, you should just move on, you should just let it go, you should not live in the past and so on and so forth. Those are wonderful statements for people who want to sweep the floor and push the dirt under the rug. However, I am one that would rather sweep the dirt out the front door, just not under the rug.

If you think secrets aren't as bad as I'm suggesting they are, than consider this.

Remember back when the Catholic Priests were being accused of child molestation? Each individual child thought it was just them and them alone. They did not realize anyone else had ever been molested by this person (generally speaking). So if they were ever to tell, in their minds they would question if anyone would ever believe them. However, when they began to expose the secrets, others realized they weren't the only ones and they began to tell their secrets. When the secrets were exposed in unison, it gave validity to what was actually going on. Otherwise, it would have continued to be covered up and allowed to continue.

For me, I was told when my grandmother passed away and I was just a wee little child, she was walking home from the neighbors house across the street and she slipped and died. To a little kid, that may make sense and a child may not be able to reason that this sounds ludicrous. And maybe this was part of the story but when you begin to lay in other facts around that event, you can see that there is probably more to the story. My grandfather was a proud member of the Masons who was an alcoholic. I remember my mom telling me stories of how he would spend more time with his Mason brothers getting drunk and drinking away what little money they had. I also learned that he was a mean drunk where he would hit and abuse his wife and my mom. This continued I believe until the day my grandmother died. Right after her death, my grandfather had an auction to sell off everything he owned and I mean everything. He then took the money and checked himself into a nursing home. Keep in mind, there was nothing wrong with him physically that he needed round the clock care. So he checked himself into the nursing home and laid in a bed hardly ever leaving his room for the remaining 10 years of his life. One could say he didn't take her death well and that could be but when you saw how the family behaved and that no one except my mom went to visit him, than you had to question a lot of things. Even the day he died, there barely was a funeral with anyone present. Again, the secret of how my grandmother died will never be proven for sure but I highly doubt she died because she fell while walking across the street.

Take another example with my older brother. On the night of my highschool prom, my parents received a call and had to travel 90 miles to Des Moines because my brother had just been accused of molesting two little boys that he was babysitting in the family that was giving him a home. I believe the family was either from the same church he went to or the Faith Baptist Bible college in Ankeny, Iowa he was attending. I have no idea what transpired because I was not there but I know that somehow the charges were dropped. Those two little boys had to grow up with the after shocks of what he did to them for the rest of their life while my older brother went free. Of course, if I would have been strong enough to stand up and tell someone, maybe I could have prevented others from being hurt. But it was my secret and the secret was not only belonged to my older brother but to my father as well. And one has to ponder just how many more there are out there that were affected by this secret.

For a long time, I began to go to therapy but I kept it a secret from everyone around me. Those at work were told I had something personal to do and I would try to schedule therapy appointments late in the day. My fear was that if everyone knew, they would think I was crazy and would think there was something wrong with me. It was shame, guilt and a poor self esteem that kept me from talking. It was more though because I had been conditioned to believe that if I exposed the secret, that my life would be in danger as had been proven on many occasions as a kid. As I got closer and closer to talking about some things, my secret came out in full force because even though no one in my family knew where I lived or that I was even seeing a therapist, I was so afraid to talk. I was afraid of the secrets I held. I was afraid of the power the secrets held.

I could go on and on with stories of many secrets. They are so numerous and are bountiful beyond comprehension to most people. As I try to piece things together in my life, to fill in the gaps that the years portray, I am met constantly with many secrets. For me, it is more than just needing to move on and to get over it. For me, so much of my past seems so disjointed. I have many questions as to where I come from, where I lived, how different memories even fit together and those things act as volcanoes in my mind, going off when I least expect them. It is about piecing my life back together where I have very little connected contact to it. Most people are able to talk to friends, family and relatives and reflects upon points in their life. For me, this is virtually non existent. For a long time, I wondered if I was adopted because all I know is the town I was born in and where I am at now in life. The things in between seem to have never existed. They were covered up by the secrets.

Most of my secrets were pretty dramatic but even the less dramatic secrets have an energy all to their own that robs us as being human. They make us less than human because shame, guilt, fear among other things, place a blanket over them. They hide them from our view. They alter us from reality. These secrets continue to not only consume us but perpetuate themselves so that they consume others in our path. Secrets not only affect us but they also impact so many others that we know intimately or we casually meet in our lives.

The purpose for writing all of this is that I hope each person reading it will stop and consider the secrets they hold in their own lives. What ones have you created? What ones were created and forced upon you? What ones do you know about and feel you are the only one?

I hope that you will ask yourselves these hard questions because the more light that can be placed on the secrets to expose them, the more freedom we will have as individuals and as a collective universe. In order to be truly human, secrets can not take up residence in our lives for they are an organism of poison feeding on our mind, body and spirit. May they be found out and may they be exorcised from all that we are. Let the secrets wither and die in the light of truth and knowledge.