Silenced Victims

Perpetrators of incestuous abuse must silence their victims in order to keep them powerless and allow the abusive behavior to continue.  Many survivors carry memories of raised voices inaugurating a cycle that led to their being sexually exploited. In adulthood if they speak loudly, they feel as though they are being abusive.  If someone else raises his or her voice, the situation feels dangerously out of control.  (pg 152, Victims No Longer by Mike Lew)

Why Go Easy On Dennis Hasert?

It is being reported that Tom Delay has written the court to ask them to go easy on the child molester.  Yep, for some reason Tom Delay thinks his opinion matters and the court should go easy on Dennis Hasert.  Now, I don't care about the politics here.  I really don't.  What I care about is the victims.

The victims don't get an easy life after they've been molested, so why should the child abuser?  Why should we go out of our way to coddle Dennis Hasert when abusing a child is one of the most despicable things you can do.  It seems like we apply the law one way for certain people and another way for others.

We make laws to allow these guys to get a much easier sentence then they should.   We make laws to go easy on the child molesters while the victims are sentenced to a lifetime of hell.  Statute of limitation laws prevent many victims from seeking justice and even if they attempt to seek justice, they are made out to be the horrible one, not the child molester.

When you're defending a child molester...

When I see someone defending a child molester as in the case of Tom Delay asking the court to go easy on Dennis Hasert, I wonder if there is not more to the story.  Most people would be repulsed by someone who does this.  If you think a child molester should have it easy, then I question what that says about you and what you are hiding in your life, Mr. Tom Delay.

I hear people get upset that the church is being targeted and yet these same people don't stop and read the bible they proclaim to follow.  Remember when Jesus talks about not harming children?  Maybe you forget that.  Of course, there are those that think their church is getting targeted over others and they think that is wrong.  Again, remember when Jesus talks about not harming children?  Maybe you forgot that again.

Child abuse victims need our help...

We should view child molesters as scum in our society and lock them away for the rest of their life.  We should be viewing the victims as the ones that need our care and concern.  We should not be asking a court to go easy on someone who has violated one of the most intimate parts of a young child.  The child can NEVER get this back.  Once the intimate part of a person is taken, there is no going back!

I have heard far too many stories over the course of my life with what the victims went through.  I've endured my own story.  It rips my heart in two and tears apart everything I can fathom at what child molesters do to children.  If you had heard the stories, you would most likely cringe like I do every time they are told.

(click here to read)

When are we going to get serious in this country and stop child abuse?  When are we going to realize that it is not only some unknown person that is hiding around the corner that abuses children.  When are we going to wake up and realize that most victims know who their abusers are?

How about your thoughts?  Am I out of line by what I have written?  Am I just getting too angry?  Leave a comment below to share your thoughts.  I'd rather keep the politics out of this discussion because it is about child abuse, not politics.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Rape Victims Are Not Believed

In a recent article on Slate.com, it appears we've still got a long way to go in dealing with what far too many experience.  When rape victims are not believed, it makes their experience much worse.  It is the same for children who have been abused and molested.  If they are not believed, it makes their healing much more difficult.

If anyone understand trauma and rape is trauma, you will realize that you're often in a fog when something happens you can't comprehend.  Your mind is trying to deal with it and the pieces that are floating around.  There is no clear image and no clear account of what has happened.  I think if you study any resource out there on the subject, you'll see that many victims of trauma are almost frozen in time.

Think about seeing some scene or horrific accident.  If your mind stopped and thought about all that was going on, you would not be able to function.  It would be too overwhelming.  In that moment of trauma, your mind is trying to find a way to deal with what happened, not make sense of it.  Making sense of it is just too much to even begin asking especially at that moment.  Your mind is focused on survival, not writing a detailed account of all that happened as it happened.

In this article, it talks about a police officer who discovered that many of his fellow law enforcement officers hardly ever believed a rape victim.  The victims had a difficult time telling what happened and giving a chronological account of it. The officers did not know what to believe.  I can understand their reasoning to some degree, but any study of trauma will shed light on this.

According to a statistic the article published from the National Center For The Prosecution Of Violence Against Women, only 2 to 8 percent of rape accusations are false.  Unfortunately when you are not believed by law enforcement or others in our society, why on earth would anyone desire to go to prosecution. The victims are too worried that no one will believe them.

I remember back in the days when one attorney heard what I had been through.  He wanted to take it to court.  The statute of limitations had already expired but we could have pursued civil action.  While I would love to see those that abused and raped me go through hell, I did not want to relive all of it over again.  I was also afraid that no one would believe me because it was my word against theirs.  To the abusers, I am the one that was brainwashed.

We need to get to a place in society where we stop punishing the victims of rape and child abuse for something they did not do.  It was something that was done to them, but yet we make the victims out to be the bad people.  This happens over and over again.

To change this, we need to get rid of the laws where a statute of limitations applies.  We need to educate law enforcement and others how trauma works and what rape and abuse victims go through.  We need to stop allowing the perpetrators to get away with whatever they want to do because we are too afraid of holding them accountable.

Those that abused me are still living free and clear.  In fact, they think that "other child abusers" are bad, when they are no different.  They have gone to church and asked Jesus to forgive them, so in their mind, nothing they did in the past matters.  Unfortunately it does matter!

I'll most likely never hear the words, "I'm Sorry" for what I did.  I won't hear the words, "I'm Sorry For molesting you."  Many who have been through rape and child abuse never hear those words.  They suffer the rest of their lives in silence because of what happened to them.

If we truly want to enhance our society and evolve the consciousness of our civilization, we need to stop blaming the victims.  We need to hold the rapists and child abusers accountable for what they did.  Put the burden of proof on them, not on the victims!

If you would like to read the entire article, the story is Why Don't Cops Believe Rape Victims on the site www.slate.com.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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Wish I Could Forget Like Child Abusers Do

One of the strange and horrible things about the remnants of child abuse is something that I think affects everyone who has been molested, raped, or tortured while growing up.  It often comes to my mind that I wish I could forget like those who hurt me seemed to have already done.

It is like the molesters and abusers seem to forget that they even did anything.  It is like they put on the cloak of being a victim.  "Woe is me," they say.  "Poor me," they say.  "Look at how miserable they are making my life," the abusers say.

Yeah, like I really feel sorry for those who "F'd" up my life and cause me to struggle through many days of it.  I really feel sorry for those who forced me into a life where I had to deal with all of this and fight my way back.  I'm being sarcastic of course when I say, "I really feel sorry for them".

For them to somehow forget the nightmare blows my mind.  I mean wasn't it enough that this happened from the time I was a very small child and went until I escaped for college.  Yes, let us not forget there was that additional time the night before one of them got married. I assume that is the role of a best man for a wedding?

For them to somehow forget that nightmare not only blows my mind but is so hard for me to comprehend.  There is not a day that goes by where it has not affected me.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't remember.  As Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk said in his book, The Body Keeps The Score about those who survive trauma, you often remember too much and too little at the same time.

Often abuse survivors want to tell someone about how they were molested, raped, or tortured.  Unfortunately they are often so afraid that people wouldn't believe them or that others would think something was wrong with them.  The ones that did the stuff to me already told the world we lived in that I had been brainwashed.

I just wish I could forget like the child abusers who raped me, molested me and tortured me almost every day of my life seem to have done.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 12/29/15 by Don Shetterly

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Pain Of The Paterno Statue

This is written for all child abuse victims that know far too well the pain of what they endured.  It is also written for those that choose to stay in the dark, when it comes to the issue of child abuse.  There is no greater pain, then the betrayal as a child, of people you look up to or trust.  The pain is greater than anything one can imagine and it isn't like it leaves you alone for the rest of your life.  The pain of child abuse becomes your constant companion throughout your life as you try to heal and move on from it.

Seeing people talk about the penalties that Penn State received in regards to their football program as if they were excessive, is somewhat shocking to me.  As I tweeted yesterday, they must not realize the pain of child abuse.  While I know Paterno did not abuse the children, he held a position where he could have put a stop to it.  However, the almighty sports program and money making donation machine was more important than the welfare, safety and respect of children.

The Audacity

While this blog is about much more than child molestation, it is very hard for me to sit by and not say something. I was abused by two people in my life, who to this day have never acknowledged it and in fact have done almost everything in their power to silence me. I'm still standing! They have not silenced me and they will never silence me.

When I just read the story of the Catholic Bishop in Connecticut on CNN.com, I became furious with the Catholic organization. The Bishop is quoted in a letter to parishioners stating the following:

The "legislation would undermine the mission of the Catholic Church in Connecticut, threatening our parishes, our schools, and our Catholic Charities," the letter says.

So let me ask anyone who is reading this: Is the church not there to bring love, peace and goodwill to all men? Are they not there to protect our children, as Jesus stated in the bible? Are these Church officials nothing more than a bunch of crime thugs trying to skirt the laws and protections of our land at our expense?

You may say I'm being too harsh and this has no place on this blog, but I know a countless number of survivors who it does matter to, and who have had to deal with a nightmare all their life. It has kept far too many from finding joy and peace in their lives, because of the living hell they go through on a daily basis. It has claimed the lives of too many because they were too afraid to fight and to stand up and break the silence. That is why I'm angry. That is why I'm furious with the Catholic Church.

Yes, I know it doesn't stop with the Catholic Church. There are other religious organizations just as bad, but so far, they've gotten away with what they have done. In time, it will come out. And anyone who supports the atrocities taking place in the Catholic church is beyond my comprehension. I understand you have your faith and your commitment. I respect that. However, if money is continued to be given to these organizations that support child abuse, then is it just the leadership of the church that is guilty?

I'm really bewildered that a Bishop would put out such a letter and I can only hope that the legislators in Connecticut do the right thing and stand up for what they believe. If there ever is a time for people to stand up and be accounted for, this is it. I hope that all people in Connecticut contact their legislators, and beg them to support the legislation. The victims of child abuse need this and deserve this. There have been far too many wounds inflicted upon the human mind, body, spirit, and our society to let this be swept under the rug again.

This is why I continue to speak out. This is why I stand up with others who have been abused to break the silence. It is hard enough for victims of child abuse to learn how to function on a daily basis, and the last thing they need is for the church to have their way in silencing them. It is a sad testament to this religious organization, and it must stop.


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