I Help Lift Others Up

If I see through the eyes of acceptance, I help lift others up.

Far too often, we want to force people into our way of thoughts and beliefs.  We do more harm than if we accept others as they are and see them through the eyes of acceptance.

When you accept others for who they are, not your judgment of who they should be, it is then that you are lifting them up to heights they never could have imagined. 

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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After 16 Years

I never thought this day would come.  After 16 years, we're finally married.  For much of that 16 years, we never had the option to legally get married.  It was not until the Supreme Court decision for marriage equality on June 26, 2015 that made this possible.

I cannot begin to describe what it means to be able to finally be married,  Yes, we waited some time from the moment we could get married until we actually did it.  I proposed on December 25, 2014, but it all came home after the Pulse Orlando shooting.  We did not want to be in a situation where something would happen to one of us and legally we could not be there for the other.  In that light, it became imperative to do this sooner than later.

We had begun to plan a beautiful beach wedding with close friends and family, but life got in the way and so those plans had to get abandoned.

To keep things simple and because we wanted to get this done, we went down to the Orlando Courthouse and exchanged our vows.  In fact, we were only a couple of miles from the Pulse nightclub and it felt good to celebrate that which the shooter tried to destroy.

Having immediate family there made all the difference.  I was nervous.  In fact, I think we both were pretty nervous.  I don't quite remember the vows because my mind was in a daze.  I tried to hold back the tears, but the emotions were deep.  After all, after 16 years, we finally were getting to make our love for one another permanent.

It all seemed like a blur.  Before the wedding, we wondered if this ceremony would really have much of an impact.  Would it change things?  I mean being together for 16 years, we really do know each other.  In the marriage counseling online course we took, the discussion helped us to learn more about ourselves.

I can honestly say though, that after the wedding ceremony, it definitely changed things.  It felt more permanent.  It felt like we were finally standing up in front of family and friends and saying - hey - we love each other and we mean the world to each other.  It was a precious moment that I will never forget.

As we enjoyed the rest of the day, I found myself realizing that I no longer had to be jealous of those that could get married.  We were now one of them.  We were no longer second class citizens - we had the same rights.  I'm not a political person, but I sure was tired of being used as something cheap in the realm of politics and religion.

We no longer have to worry about the future or anything else, because we know that our relationship is now recognized and we are one with each other.  It feels strange that after 16 years, we've only just begun.  The years have gone by quickly.

My eyes are star filled and glazed, but my love has grown deeper for the man I love.  I'm not going to hide it anymore.  If someone does not have the capacity to accept me and us for the way we are, then I realize it is not a problem I can worry about any longer.

On July 26, 2016 we pledged our love for one another and I'm the happiest guy in the world right now.  I love my husband with all my heart and we both respect each other with the highest respect you can give to another human.  We see each other for what we are, not what we think they should be.  We accept each other as they are and together we've grown so much over the past 16 years.

It wasn't that long ago in life before I met him that I wondered if true love was possible.  I wondered if it could last, when I met someone.  When we met, I wasn't looking for a relationship and when we met, I wasn't even ready to accept I was gay.  My heart knew immediately though from that moment we first said hello.

Even with the past and all the difficulties we have both faced in life, we are there for each other.  Out of the love we share, we are growing and making it in life.  We face the day with new hope and possibility and we enjoy the warm embrace of love that our two hearts share.

I wear my new wedding ring with pride.  I cherish it and the symbol that it portrays.   It means so much to me to wear this ring.  My heart sings with joy.  My heart rejoices in the joy and love that I have found in a person I love so very much.

LGBTq people have come a long ways and what was once barely talked about is more accepted in society.  Being gay is not a choice.  If it was, I think many of us would have not wished to go through some of the horror we have.  Being gay is who we are.  It is how we are made.  Instead of hating those who are gay, let us love one another without conditions and strings attached.  Let us love one another as humans should.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Pointing The Finger

We never do this, do we?  Pointing the finger at everyone else is something everyone else does, right?  I'm being factitious in how I write this, but it is a serious issue.  It seems like these days, we are all too quick in pointing the finger at everyone else.

We see what others have wrong in them and it takes us less than a split second to make sure they know about it.  After all, isn't it our duty to do this.  Isn't it our right to tell others how bad they are or where they are screwing up?  Facebook makes it just so darn easy to do this.

Watch people post a comment on some message board and see how quickly there are people pointing out the stupidity of what they said.  Watch how quickly they point out something that wasn't written 100% correct and had a misspelling.

Or take some issue on the internet and watch how quickly people appear righteous and better than everyone by telling them how wrong they are or how quickly they will be going to hell.

Heavy Handed Intereaction

What if we met the person where they were instead of where we thought they needed to be. Yes, i know many give lip service to this being at the forefront of their interactions. Yet, if we were truly honest with ourselves, we would see that more often than not, this is not the case.

Often through our words, actions and projections on to others, we tell people what we think they should hear! We project our feelings, emotions, fears and body language on to them as if it were their greatest moment in life.

Often, our fears which we may or may not realize that we hold within our bodies get in the way of how we interact with people. These fears impact others in profound ways. We tend to put on the cloak of being knowledgeable or the face of acting like we are so happy and nothing is bothering us. Sometimes we are loud and forceful in our views either online or face to face.

Stop for a moment and think about this. If you are sharing yourself in an open way or struggling through a moment in life, do you want people coming down hard on you and making you feel as if you have no clue in life? More likely than not, you don't! I'm not talking about sharing something with someone that maybe needs to be said. Heavy handed interactions should occur with a lot less frequency than they do in life.

Contrast the heavy handed interaction with an ear that listens, a heart that accepts and eyes that see the best in the people around you. How would that make you feel if you received this versus the heavy handed interaction? It has been stated that listening is critical to how good a therapist can be in counseling. Many people just want to be heard and in our busy and hectic world of noise, no one is there to listen.

May we rise above ourselves and meet people where they are at, not where we think they should be. May we learn to listen more and talk less. May we truly appreciate and respect others as we learn to appreciate, love and respect ourselves while owning up to the fears present in our life. Once we understand this, than we will become more human than we have ever been.


Further Reading:
1) If You're Talking, You're Not Listening (Blog Post 6/16/11)
2) Quiet Please, Just Listen (Blog Post 5/12/11)


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Blog Post & Images (c) 6/21/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Through The Innocence Of A Child

Yesterday at Walt Disney World Magic Kingdom for Gay Days, I ran across a little boy that touched my heart.

As we were riding back to the parking lot last night on the Ferry Boat, this little boy was standing with his mother. He had some brightly colored rings on his arm and was enjoying them like there was no tomorrow. The little boy came up to me and showed me these rings and asked me to count them. I counted 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 out loud and he turned around and said, "6, 7, 8, 9, 10."

He then went back to his mom and a few minutes later he came back over and talked to me more. At no time, did the little boy look up at me and see me as "different" or "abnormal" or any of the other things that so many in our society proclaim from their mouths. He just looked at me like any regular person that was safe enough for him to approach.

His innocence accepted someone else and didn't see them in the light that gets twisted through the teachings of our society. His innocence allowed him to just interact and get to know someone for a moment, treating them with respect while he received acceptance and respect back.

When we said goodbye and went our separate ways, I could not help but think that if older children and adults in our society learned more to accept each others as this boy did, how much more peaceful our world would be to live in.

This little boy had not been through all the trials of life that most of us go through and in many ways, while we as adults know so much, this child could teach us all something very valuable to our lives.

Please do not misunderstand the purpose here of this post. The point, I am trying to make is that we need to see others through the innocence of this child. We need to accept each other with love and respect, not judgment or fear or cultural beliefs.


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Blog Post & Images (c) 6/4/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
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Happy Holidays From Topanga

Oh my, let me take a moment to stretch here before I begin writing. Please take a moment and get up and stretch as well. Ahhh, doesn't that feel better now? There is nothing like stretching those claws up and out!

Anyway, hi, this is Topanga, the other cat that helps watch over Don. Corey explained yesterday that we are just giving Don the gift of writing his blog for a couple of days. It gives him a chance to rest up because he stays so busy. Sometimes I have to get a little pushy to get him to leave the computer alone and play with me.

Don is really special though because he loves all of us with unconditional love. Both Corey and I realize just how difficult life was for Don as he was growing up but we are here helping him try to become all he can be. He's really made great strides in all of this as well but we do realize that some days, it is still difficult for him. We just give him lots and lots of love!

My message this Christmas season is to just love one another with unconditional love. Try to not show your love with strings attached or with thoughts of what you feel is best for the person but truly accepting them just as they are in the moment. I know that's how Don accepts us and it makes me want to run and play with joy. It means the world to most people that they are just truly loved and accepted, not that they have to live a certain way or be a certain way to be loved and accepted.

We're all on this planet together and we really need to learn to love one another. Hopefully during this Christmas holiday season, we will all understand that a little more. In the meantime, show some love to your fellow human and cats of course. For when you show love, you get a ton back in return. Happy Holidays everyone and Merry Christmas to all!

Love In Our Words

I see people write or say things where they claim to love, yet their words say the opposite. For instance, people love to say that they "accept" the person but not their behavior. You could easily substitute the word "love" for "accept" in this case. While this statement sounds innocuous and fine to many people, it does not truly denote love and acceptance. In fact, it can be very harmful, hurtful and full of hatred.

Love is a passionate, heart felt and personal attachment to something or in this case, a person. Love is about accepting others as they are, not as we think they should be. Love is about fully uniting with that person in a way that transcends everything about them. Pure love is not judgmental and it does not force others to comply with our views of life. It is about holding the space open for someone and accepting them completely and unequivocally with nothing held in reserve.

While many of us state that we do truly love others in a pure form of love, we often fall short. While we say that we completely accept others, we often do it with thoughts in the back of our mind saying, the other person needs to be this way or that way. It is easy to mouth the words in claiming that we love others in a pure way. However, it is much more difficult to really do as we say.

In many ways, to love someone is to accept the person. To accept the person is to love them. Yes, the two words can mean different things but in many respects they are saying the same thing. The true definition may differ but the actions are basically the same.

In my view, there is either love in this world or an absence of love. If I continue on with my previous thought, there is acceptance or there is not acceptance of others in this world. While I may be coming close to an all or nothing, dark versus light explanation, that is not my intent. If you have pure love, than there cannot be an absence of love. If you have pure acceptance of others, than you cannot half way accept others or accept others with conditions. It all depends upon the degree of love or acceptance you have.

The other day, a person said that he accepted the person (we can also use the word "love" in place of "accepted") but this same person did not accept their behavior. While they thought this was perfectly fine and they were not showing any hatred whatsoever, I would not agree with them. You can not accept someone fully or love them fully but then go on to say you do not agree and accept their behavior. The two statements are at odds with each other. Yes, you can say you don't accept their behavior, but then you truly don't love or accept the person.

It is a very subtle distinction but a very important one. For when we say we love or accept the person but not the behavior, we are putting ourselves in judgment over that person and are acting in a very condescending manner. If you are going to do this, at least be honest enough with yourself and do not try to convince others that you accept or love the same person.

Being honest with others and yourself will truly move us forward as a civilization. Hiding our truth from our self will only move us into the realm of unsubstantiated opinions that we try to hold out as facts. All too often, we misconstrue our opinions as facts in life. We will be much better people if we can truly be aware and honest with ourselves. Anything less not only hurts us individually but it hurts society as a whole.

Just to say that we do not have hatred for others through what we say, is not enough. Our words can be uplifting and bring us together or they can be hurtful and full of pain, driving us apart. As humans and as a society, we need to really understand the difference.

(Above image of the song, Hope For Haditha Children from the CD, Relaxing Spa Music by Don Shetterly- (c) 08/1/06)


*Read other articles on Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Accepting, Allowing, Embracing Our Life

So many things in life don't matter as much as we think they do. In the grand scheme of our day, they are but tiny dots on a time line of our life. We always tend to mold them and make them into the image we feel like we can live with. The only thing is that sometimes we miss the important stuff floating by us.

Life is about accepting all of it which includes the parts that may be difficult. In the moment of acceptance, we unite with all that is possible for our lives. To only allow part of these things into our lives makes us unstable and off balance. We need to embrace the two opposites in order to find our center.

Fighting these parts of us may be our journey of discovery, but it is not who we are. It takes precious energy and strength to constantly swim upstream or be on guard against all that is around us. Let us not discount the importance of these struggling moments, for they act as runway lights depicting our path ahead.

Learning how to allow and embrace all parts of ourselves, no matter how ugly they may appear, will bring us wholeness to our life. It will provide us with a sense of calmness and stability. It will help us discover our path ahead and bring answers to the questions we face. Our biggest concern should be, are we ready to allow ourselves to travel into the unknown and past the fear, so we will readily see the illumination in front of us?

Moment Of Now

To just sit here, experiencing the quiet, the peaceful and serene.

Hearing the sounds of the outdoors.

Feeling the humidity, sunlight and breeze on my body.

Noticing the rise and fall of my breath in my body.

No pressures, no worries, no concerns at this moment.

Just being in the moment of now, far removed from anything that demands my attention.

Observing, sensing, feeling, noticing all that is around me.

All that matters in this moment is just being here now, and present within myself.

Accepting this moment.

Accepting all that there is.


(Above Picture taken at Gatorland, Kissimmee, FL - (c) 06/23/10)

Knocks On The Door

Written by Don Shetterly

How many times do we ask for help in our lives, only to not accept it when it shows up?
We may get a form of help that is not what we expected, and so we dismiss it as something which is not useful for us. We may have our eyes closed, and so that which came our way was missed.

Asking for help can be difficult enough but when we do this, may we open our eyes and accept it when it knocks on the door.

Buddy Helm Drumming

Buddy Helm was a drummer for many years for different bands and has studied the drum beats with intensity. We had the unique opportunity of sitting in one of his afternoon drumming workshops at Cassadaga.

He takes you through a very fun couple of quick passing hours with various drumbeats and how each drum beat comes together. Plus he takes it further and gives you a chance to give your brain a new message. It is when the drum beat gets at a certain beat, that your brain is very receptive to all kinds of information.

Here's a video of a little about him. The video quality isn't great but it sort of shows you what he does. The audio part is the more important part.




This video is one he did recently at Cassadaga and it is very specific but again it gives you an idea of what he does with the drumming.



The reason I post this is that it was a very powerful afternoon workshop and it was so much fun. He involves everyone that attends and you become as much a part of the workshop as the workshop itself. I felt so relaxed when I was done and had such a positive outlook as well.