You Don't Have To Engage

Written By Don Shetterly

For some reason, I do not understand, we as humans think we need to engage in every fight that comes along.  Just a little tip here which I'm sure you've heard before, You don't have to engage.

Now, I know, everyone will claim they don't engage.  Many will state they rise above everything.  Many will deplore what is going on.  However, what is said to the masses and what is done while no one is looking do not match up.

I'm sorry.  I hate to be the bearer of honest news to everyone, but I see this day in and day out.  It isn't hard to figure out with a couple of clicks on the internet.  What we say to the world and what we do are not the same actions.

The more significant point is you don't have to engage with the turmoil and screaming of the day.  The world will go on whether you do or not.  If we're not careful, we're just adding more fuel to the fire.

Yep, somehow we think that dumping our own fuel on the fire is helpful, but basic science teaching says that dumping fuel, only increases the fire.  I know you'll tell me you don't do this.  It is all those other people that do.  This is where I cringe and just let you continue to think that you don't do this.

I get it.  We are humans.  When we feel scared or threatened or attacked, we want to bring it on and let everyone know just what we think.  It does make sense.  However, don't you need to ask yourself if you're really helping the situation by responding the way you do?

As Oprah said the other day to Jimmy Kimmel, "You don't win by meeting any kind of negativity head-on."  There is much truth to this statement.

Everyone thinks they are right and so they engage.  They don't listen to what someone has to say.  It doesn't matter if you are on one side of the issue or another in this country.  No one listens to another because they have their minds made up.

When we continuously engage in this screaming and negativity, we're not helping anything.  Most of all, we're keeping our mind, body, and nervous system revved up, and that's not healthy.  It creates more stress.  Stress creates illness and health issues.  The end result is we end up hurting ourselves.

I'm not saying to crawl under a rock and hide, but you don't have to engage.  You can listen to someone say something that you don't agree with because maybe they have a point in there that you need to hear.  You can do what others don't do to you thereby modeling behavior that is more healthy and respectful.

Most of all, don't get in the middle of the mud pit and expect to come out looking any different than the other people.  Rise above it with love, understanding, and compassion.  Use your life to help teach and show others a different route through it.

Remember - you don't have to engage!

Forked Tongues and Authenticity

I grew up in a home where we were told one thing and yet witnessed something totally different by that individual.  It was commonplace for people to speak with forked tongue.

Often these same people that railed against doublespeak were the ones that did it the most.  There was no authenticity, even though they believed that they were authentic.  They felt that what they told others was what mattered, not what they practiced in their own life.

I see this playing out in almost every minute of our day.  Whether it is in politics, on the TV, or online, I hardly see "authenticity" showing up.  Yes, everyone thinks that it is the other person that does this, not them.  How foolish we are!

Like Judge Judy, I'm one of those people that can spot a liar a million miles away (or should I say someone that is not authentic.)  It takes me a split second.  Okay, maybe liar is a little too strong of a word here, but if your words don't match up with what I know about you or if they don't match up with your body language, I'm rolling my eyes.

The online inauthentic people...

Even when it comes to online, I can generally spot the "inauthentic" people quickly and I become wary of anything they say.  They often rail against certain things in life and those same things consume everything they share on social media.  Yet, they often do the very things they despise.

I quit watching the news years ago because it is nowhere near authentic.  I don't understand why anyone watches it these days and I mean "ANY" news.  Everyone goes to their corner of what they believe is true and the news media backs it up.  It isn't necessarily one side or the other on most issues.  It happens on both sides.  There is no authenticity in it whatsoever because it is so often for entertainment purposes.

Inauthentic Marketing...

Let's not forget the ones that equate marketing with spamming, trying to get you to buy their stuff even if it doesn't pass the sniff test.  Marketing these days has become a barrage of waste material constantly thrown at us.  It is not about what the person needs.  It is more about just shoving it down everyone's throat.  There is no authenticity in marketing these days.  It is cloaked in the forked tongue.

There are so many ways we speak with forked tongues but if you try to point that out, no one wants to truly listen.  If they listen, they don't always want to change.  We'd rather point the fingers at others than go in and do what we need to do to help make ourselves human.

I think that if you are authentic, it will show through.  You don't have to grandstand and prove to others you are authentic.  You just need to live your life through authenticity.  When you no longer speak with forked tongue, people will know they can trust what you say.  Whether that is online or in politics or the media and marketing, people will know it when they hear it.

I realize we live in a fake reality these days, but if we don't start turning the ship around and learning how to be human by being authentic, we're going to hit the iceberg and sink.  It isn't up to anyone else to do what needs to be done.  It is up to each one of us individually to take stock of our own life and make the changes necessary for the survival of this planet and our species.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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I Wish I Had Enough Love

In this day of horrendous news and behavior that is less than human, I feel like I cannot do enough.  I know I'm not alone.  Others feel the same way when people are degraded and torn down and used as political footballs or as individuals to bully.   Its hard to see anyone murdered or beaten or abused and yet it happens far too often in our day.

As humans we should strive to be more than we are, not how we can abuse, tear down or kill or one-up every other person.  We should not aim to divide, but celebrate our differences and cherish where our lives intersect.  This world has become a dangerous place and the rhetoric spewed in abundance, does not help.  It may be the result of the ego, but it hurts everyone.

Words have become daggers throughout every country of this world.  If words can hurt and kill others, then we can use words to heal and soothe and uplift one another.  I write these words in an attempt to help us heal and soothe the open wounds of society.

...Who Suffered

I wish I had enough love to heal all those that have suffered in this world.  Whether it is from child abuse and trauma or from the horrors of bombs and mass killings.  Whether it is from those adults who have no idea how to respect their kids or from those that turn an eye.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

... Feel Wounded

I wish I had enough love to heal all those who feel wounded in life and lash out at everyone they meet.  Whether it is the ones that feel they have all the answers or the politicians that use people to win their posts.  Whether it is those that feel they should use every form of social media to portray their hurt and anger against recipients that don't expect it.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

 ... Numb and Disconnected

I wish I had enough love to heal all those who are so numb and disconnected in life.  Whether it is from all their past experiences or the current barrage of everyday news.  Whether it is from everything that has overwhelmed them or the moment where they feel like there is no hope.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

... Hurting From Being Strong

I wish I had enough love to heal all those who are hurting from being strong for so long in life.  Whether it is from current health issues that steal their strength, energy and vitality or from moments where their bodies are too tired to see another day.  Whether it is from those moments of just being so tired in life that they want to give up.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

... All The Hate

I wish I had enough love to heal all the hate that is portrayed to the world.  Whether it is from the political rhetoric or those that do it in the name of God and love.  Whether it is by those who cannot see or ones who have to cover up for their own lack of self worth.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

... All The Fear

I wish I had enough love to heal all the fear in this world.  Whether it is from the fear that is real or imagined or something that seems all too real.  Whether it is from the fear that hides within each soul, but goes unnoticed in our day and we put on the happy face so as to hide it.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

... All The Greed

I wish I had enough love to heal all the greed in this world.  Whether it is from the online sites that can only see dollar signs instead of authenticity.  Whether it is from those for whom there is never enough greed to fill their pockets in a day and they constantly seek more.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.  

... Hatred and Ignorance

I wish I had enough love to heal the hatred and ignorance towards one another.  Whether it is from racism or the color of one's skin or just the ignorance of seeing someone else as different.  Whether it is from long held family beliefs that were taught or the failure to see each other as human.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.  

... Not Seeing

I wish I had enough love to heal the willingness not to see in this world.  Whether it is through the constant chatter of the news for the daily fix of being re-traumatized or the superficial side of social media.  Whether it is through blind allegiance to those we agree with or the lack of being one's self.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

... What Was Taught

I wish I had enough love to heal the mind from seeing only what was taught.  Whether it is the teachings that were imparted from day one to a child who never realized that this was a beginning point, not an end point to knowledge.  Whether it was from those that were beaten into submission to learn only what they were told.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

 ... Planet

I wish I had enough love for the earth to heal the woes of this planet.  Whether it is the animals that are abused and tortured or given no sacred respect for their place in our civilization.  Whether it is for the plants or trees or land that is tortured for our own gain.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

... Forgiveness

I wish I had enough love to offer forgiveness to everyone.  Whether its on the battlefield of a war or on the murderous streets where we live.  Whether it is from those that did us so much harm that we can never begin to understand how to forgive them and let go.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

... Mind Body Connection

I wish I had enough love to help all humans to understand the mind - body connection in the way I've learned from experience.  Whether it is neglecting rest for our body or a healthy balance of all things in a day.  Whether it is the complete isolation and disconnect from our mind and body or a fear that it doesn't align with our beliefs.  I wish I had enough love to heal each one.

I feel inadequate beyond measure for all I see happening.  I feel some days as if I cannot do enough.  I often feel like even in what I try to do, it's never enough to heal the earth, its people, and all inhabitants we see.  For evil has marched upon this planet in the name of love while it has closed the eyes of many as if they have never seen.

I feel inadequate beyond measure to know how to help, but I long to help.  I feel some days as if love is not enough.  I feel at times that hope may never come to see another day.


Surely as a people and civilization living on this planet, we can do more than we are doing today.  Surely, we can be more than we are today.  Surely, we can all find some small way in this day to make a positive difference and then repeat it again tomorrow.

For if we continue down the path we are on, love may not be enough to pull us back.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Neuroscience In The News On Feb 22

These are articles that I found of interest relating to news about Neuroscience.  In this issue, I have highlighted articles about human behavior and the brain, moral decision making, sleep and memory, and how mothers pass on a brain wired for depression.  Please check out the article links below and feel free to comment with other information related to these subjects.  I enjoy learning as much as I can about the brain and passing this information on to everyone else that shares these passions.

This is for the week beginning February 22, 2016.

Please come back each week and hopefully I will have some more highlights.  Feel free to share with me ones that you have found and I may highlight those as well.

Collapse Of Freud and Marx On Cognitive Science

Perhaps Wolfe’s most astute observation was cultural: how the collapse of Freud and Marx had pushed people into using the language of cognitive science for explanations of human behavior. He also noticed that the link between the actual science and the conclusions people drew from it were often tenuous, and his article foreshadowed an explosion of dubious media stories about brain centers for infidelity, neural circuits for political orientation, and chemical imbalances for mental illness.

Article Link:

• Neuroscience And The Premature Death Of The Soul
• By Vaughn Bell

Intention and Permissiability in Moral Decision Making

The ability to distinguish between the effects an agent intended versus those that were side-effects are critical in general for social cognition  and  in  particular  for  assigning  responsibility and assessing moral permissibility. Our goal here is to understand these processes in computational terms.

Article Link:

• Interference of Intention and Permissibility In Moral Decision Making
• Max Kleiman-Weiner, Tobias Gerstenberg, Sydney Levine, Joshua B. Tenebaum

Best To Sleep On It

The new discoveries, made by researchers from Bristol's Centre for Synaptic Plasticity, provide further evidence for the benefits of a good night's sleep. Patterns of brain activity that occur during the day are replayed at fast-forward speed during sleep.  Replay of brain activity during sleep is dependent on the emotional state of the person when they are learning.

Article Link:

• Best To Sleep On It:  Brain Activity Patterns During Sleep Consolidate Memory
• University Of Bristol Research Team

Mothers May Pass On Wired Brain For Depression

Mothers may pass on vulnerability to depression in much the same way they give their daughters green eyes or curly hair – girls might inherit a brain structure that’s predisposed to mood disorders, a small U.S. study suggests.  Previous behavioral health studies have pointed to a strong link between psychiatric problems in mothers and similar mood disorders in their daughters, Hoeft and colleagues note in The Journal of Neuroscience.

Article Link:

• Mothers May Pass Daughters A Brain Wired For Depression
• Dr. Fumiko Hoeft of the University Of California, San Francisco 

This Is For The Cats

I saw a social media post the other day where they posted a picture and to me it was quite disturbing.  It said, "When petting cats, be sure to not activate their murder button."   I'm still in disbelief.  This blog post is for the cats!

Even though they tried to explain that when you pet some cats, they would be purring and happy one moment, but they attack you out of the blue for no apparent reason.  I'm still in disbelief.

Never have I had a cat or any animal attack me.  Maybe I'm different, but animals just don't attack me.  Of course, I don't do things to irritate them.  I don't do unconscious things that make them attack me.

Unfortunately this was posted on a cat rescue site and it saddens me.  It saddens me that people who claim to love cats and know what is best for them, are obviously not what they think they are.  You can't tell me that having this experience is normal.

Thou Shall Make Fun Of People

Treating others without respect seems to be an obvious part of being religious.  I mean, I see all these people that hold religious institutions up as a badge of honor in their life, yet their words and actions fail to hold up to the same degree.  It is almost like their religion demands that thou shall make fun of people.  Don't believe me; just look at the stuff that gets circulated on Facebook, Twitter, and comments on news sites.

It angers me to see just how we treat each other and how much we show contempt for one another.  I don't care what side of the political spectrum you are on or who you are or what you think you know.  If you feel the need to ridicule and making fun of others is appropriate, than I'm sorry to tell you this, but it is a bigger reflection of who you are, than the person you are disrespecting. 

What we say about others is a very direct reflection of who we are and what we harbor within our soul.  It demeans not only the person we refer to, but it demeans humanity as a whole.  It shows how little we respect ourselves and the essence of life.  I find it appalling to view on a daily basis.  No matter where you turn, this lack of respect is shoved in your face.

Love In Our Words

I see people write or say things where they claim to love, yet their words say the opposite. For instance, people love to say that they "accept" the person but not their behavior. You could easily substitute the word "love" for "accept" in this case. While this statement sounds innocuous and fine to many people, it does not truly denote love and acceptance. In fact, it can be very harmful, hurtful and full of hatred.

Love is a passionate, heart felt and personal attachment to something or in this case, a person. Love is about accepting others as they are, not as we think they should be. Love is about fully uniting with that person in a way that transcends everything about them. Pure love is not judgmental and it does not force others to comply with our views of life. It is about holding the space open for someone and accepting them completely and unequivocally with nothing held in reserve.

While many of us state that we do truly love others in a pure form of love, we often fall short. While we say that we completely accept others, we often do it with thoughts in the back of our mind saying, the other person needs to be this way or that way. It is easy to mouth the words in claiming that we love others in a pure way. However, it is much more difficult to really do as we say.

In many ways, to love someone is to accept the person. To accept the person is to love them. Yes, the two words can mean different things but in many respects they are saying the same thing. The true definition may differ but the actions are basically the same.

In my view, there is either love in this world or an absence of love. If I continue on with my previous thought, there is acceptance or there is not acceptance of others in this world. While I may be coming close to an all or nothing, dark versus light explanation, that is not my intent. If you have pure love, than there cannot be an absence of love. If you have pure acceptance of others, than you cannot half way accept others or accept others with conditions. It all depends upon the degree of love or acceptance you have.

The other day, a person said that he accepted the person (we can also use the word "love" in place of "accepted") but this same person did not accept their behavior. While they thought this was perfectly fine and they were not showing any hatred whatsoever, I would not agree with them. You can not accept someone fully or love them fully but then go on to say you do not agree and accept their behavior. The two statements are at odds with each other. Yes, you can say you don't accept their behavior, but then you truly don't love or accept the person.

It is a very subtle distinction but a very important one. For when we say we love or accept the person but not the behavior, we are putting ourselves in judgment over that person and are acting in a very condescending manner. If you are going to do this, at least be honest enough with yourself and do not try to convince others that you accept or love the same person.

Being honest with others and yourself will truly move us forward as a civilization. Hiding our truth from our self will only move us into the realm of unsubstantiated opinions that we try to hold out as facts. All too often, we misconstrue our opinions as facts in life. We will be much better people if we can truly be aware and honest with ourselves. Anything less not only hurts us individually but it hurts society as a whole.

Just to say that we do not have hatred for others through what we say, is not enough. Our words can be uplifting and bring us together or they can be hurtful and full of pain, driving us apart. As humans and as a society, we need to really understand the difference.

(Above image of the song, Hope For Haditha Children from the CD, Relaxing Spa Music by Don Shetterly- (c) 08/1/06)


*Read other articles on Mind Body Thoughts Blog

I'm In Denial

I see ten horses running at full gallop toward us. I'm pleased they are coming to say hello, but everyone else runs for cover. They claim I'm in denial; I compare myself with them and wonder what is wrong with me. Alternatively, they stay and I run, and we all understand I'm a coward. If our experience has led us to think the horses would hurt us, running is sensible. If our experience has led us to think horses are friendly, we stay to greet them. Some of us have learned one, some the other, and so we behave differently. By presuming my behavior doesn't make sense, you don't get to learn that horses may be friendly. - pg 57, On Becoming An Artist by Ellen Langer

A special thank you to Marilyn Brown for the photo of the horses!