Judgement Is The Absence Of Love

Judgement - Love's Absence

Some days I have to shake my head at what humans do to one another. Some days, I cannot understand why we do what we do. It is often beyond belief, how we judge one another or hold one another up the ideals we have in our mind. In my mind, I see this judgement as the absence of love.

Everywhere you turn, you can see this in action. Just take a look at comments that get posted on news articles or even what fills our news and politics today. Look at how we hold someone's life up in an almost god like way, even though they may have suffered greatly and made horrible choices. Consider how we view those around us as to who we consider worthy of our attention and those who we do not. Think about how we listen or dismiss others as belonging to a group we do not understand. It is as if we hold the answers for these people, rather then seeing them through the eyes of love.

Masculine, Feminine VS Gay And Straight

In the book, "Into The Light" by Dr. John Lerma, stories of hospice patients final days are recounted.  While I cannot substantiate any of these stories, I can neither disprove them.  I have read a considerable amount of Dr. Lerma's accounts of his patients just days before they pass on and I find them very credible.  It would seem odd that I would find a very good story and example about masculine, feminine and gay versus straight in a book about our final days and the life thereafter.

On page 56, this section is being shared from a fundamentalist preacher who was into the hell, fire and brimstone, rather than positive, uplifting and encouraging words one may desire to hear.  According to this person (which is known as Leon in the book), he felt the truth was the truth and it often hurts. 

As you read on in this section, he shares how his church was right in the middle of a gay community and how his ministry had been focused on telling gays (among others) that they were living a lifestyle that was against God.  We've all heard these things and in this day and age, it is not uncommon to be surrounded by this type of thinking. Politicians love to use this as a bargaining chip in getting people to vote for them which is unfortunate in my view.

Love In Our Words

I see people write or say things where they claim to love, yet their words say the opposite. For instance, people love to say that they "accept" the person but not their behavior. You could easily substitute the word "love" for "accept" in this case. While this statement sounds innocuous and fine to many people, it does not truly denote love and acceptance. In fact, it can be very harmful, hurtful and full of hatred.

Love is a passionate, heart felt and personal attachment to something or in this case, a person. Love is about accepting others as they are, not as we think they should be. Love is about fully uniting with that person in a way that transcends everything about them. Pure love is not judgmental and it does not force others to comply with our views of life. It is about holding the space open for someone and accepting them completely and unequivocally with nothing held in reserve.

While many of us state that we do truly love others in a pure form of love, we often fall short. While we say that we completely accept others, we often do it with thoughts in the back of our mind saying, the other person needs to be this way or that way. It is easy to mouth the words in claiming that we love others in a pure way. However, it is much more difficult to really do as we say.

In many ways, to love someone is to accept the person. To accept the person is to love them. Yes, the two words can mean different things but in many respects they are saying the same thing. The true definition may differ but the actions are basically the same.

In my view, there is either love in this world or an absence of love. If I continue on with my previous thought, there is acceptance or there is not acceptance of others in this world. While I may be coming close to an all or nothing, dark versus light explanation, that is not my intent. If you have pure love, than there cannot be an absence of love. If you have pure acceptance of others, than you cannot half way accept others or accept others with conditions. It all depends upon the degree of love or acceptance you have.

The other day, a person said that he accepted the person (we can also use the word "love" in place of "accepted") but this same person did not accept their behavior. While they thought this was perfectly fine and they were not showing any hatred whatsoever, I would not agree with them. You can not accept someone fully or love them fully but then go on to say you do not agree and accept their behavior. The two statements are at odds with each other. Yes, you can say you don't accept their behavior, but then you truly don't love or accept the person.

It is a very subtle distinction but a very important one. For when we say we love or accept the person but not the behavior, we are putting ourselves in judgment over that person and are acting in a very condescending manner. If you are going to do this, at least be honest enough with yourself and do not try to convince others that you accept or love the same person.

Being honest with others and yourself will truly move us forward as a civilization. Hiding our truth from our self will only move us into the realm of unsubstantiated opinions that we try to hold out as facts. All too often, we misconstrue our opinions as facts in life. We will be much better people if we can truly be aware and honest with ourselves. Anything less not only hurts us individually but it hurts society as a whole.

Just to say that we do not have hatred for others through what we say, is not enough. Our words can be uplifting and bring us together or they can be hurtful and full of pain, driving us apart. As humans and as a society, we need to really understand the difference.

(Above image of the song, Hope For Haditha Children from the CD, Relaxing Spa Music by Don Shetterly- (c) 08/1/06)


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