Taking First Steps In Asking For Help

By Matt Pappas.  You know something is going on in your life but you just aren't sure where to turn. You've heard that term, Mental Health, but maybe it always made you cringe.

I couldn't possibly have some type of mental health disorder, or suffer from some type of mental illness, right?

I've managed pretty decently in my life so far; I can survive daily and hold down a job. I have a family that loves me and friends to hang out with.

Or perhaps you are just the opposite...

You are alone, don't have many friends, your family relationships are strained at best, and you can't seem to find a career or steady job that you can hold onto.

I was mostly in the former category when I first realized I needed to seek some professional help. My life just wasn't going as I planned; which isn't necessarily a reason to seek help per say. In my case though, after 2 failed marriages and a realization that it was high time I start trying to understand myself better, I took the plunge.

I reached out through a program at my job that can put employees in contact with professionals for counseling, legal questions, medical concerns, family therapy, grieving, etc.

I was apprehensive to say the least and very nervous about trying this whole therapy thing again. My last experience with a therapist did not end well, as she divulged personal information about our sessions, to others.

The damage was done and the bridge was burned. For any "good" that those sessions did, the trust issues that I had were immediately increased 10 fold moving forward.

After a couple of days I was paired up with a local therapist and I scheduled an appointment.

At that point something strange happened, something I didn't expect. I began to feel a peace come over me, calmness. It was like; I'm finally doing something good for myself so let's see what happens and where this takes me.

I fully expected to be scared to death...

Looking back I was surprised by this feeling because I fully expected to be scared to death, to clam up, and end up sitting there in an office just wondering what in the world I had gotten myself into.

After decades of focusing on everyone and everything other than myself, it was as if my mind was saying... Finally, Thank You!

Having said that I was still nervous that first session. I mean when you start telling your story to a stranger, while sitting on a couch in an office, you get this feeling that you've seen this scenario before.

How many times on TV shows or movies has someone been sitting on a couch talking to a therapist about their "feelings"? How many times did you maybe think:

"Well that's just not going to do any good!"
"Why can't they just figure it out on their own?" 
"They must really be screwed up to have to talk to a therapist!"

When you are in that situation though, it becomes almost surreal. It suddenly hits home that you are now what you judged people for before. You are now THAT person who can't get their life together and has to resort to talking about their feelings to a therapist.

Shame and guilt can easily take over here if you aren't careful. You begin to wonder what's really wrong with you, and what you are going to uncover if you truly let your guard down. "Just how screwed up am I after all?"

Do I even want to go down this path...

Then you begin to rationalize why you maybe don't need to be doing this after all...

"Do I even want to go down this path, my life wasn't really all THAT bad now that I think about it?"

Rather than questioning yourself, try celebrating your decision to put yourself first for a change. Give yourself a High Five for taking the initiative to understand yourself and your mind better.

Know that you are doing something good for you that will benefit not only you but also those you are close to.

Reaching out to seek professional help can be so unbelievably nerve racking, intimidating, and scary. You really do get a better appreciation of yourself and what others go through when you are sitting there, one on one, being open and vulnerable.

You are now on the path to healing, understanding, positive self esteem, more self-confidence, and the realization that your mental health does matter.

• -Matt (Guest Blogger on Mind Body Thoughts)
  -SurvivingMyPast.net
• You can catch Matt on Twitter, SurvivingMyPast

Guest Blogger Note:

Matt writes for his website and blog, Surviving My Past.net .  He is an excellent writer and friend, sharing his struggles as he learns to heal from his past of child sexual abuse.  This blog post was written by Matt and I'm sharing it exclusively on the Mind Body Thoughts Blog.  Please make sure you visit Matt at SurvivingMyPast.net .  He has some excellent wisdom and advice he shares that I am sure you will find helpful.

Also Check Out:

You may also want to check out a previous
blog I wrote about Matt's website and blog.

Introducing Surviving My Past

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Images courtesy of Surviving My Past with permission.
• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Writing Helps the Mind and Body

I've always been a proponent of words and creativity throughout my life.  Writing has helped me so much in putting together some very difficult circumstances of life.  Writing helps the mind and body by allowing you to express yourself in a way that may not be easy to do.

For those who have been through trauma, child abuse, and other horrible experiences of life, writing gives you an outlet.  It allows you to venture into a world where you would otherwise not go.  It gives the brain the creative permission to look at things from a different perspective.

Three people that come to my mind immediately (and I know I'm leaving out a ton of others), use writing in a very unique and powerful way.  I enjoy reading the blogs of these individuals because they are just so down to earth and real and unique.

Trevor Marty...

One of these bloggers is Trevor Marty.  Now, Trevor plays some awesome music and he's a very creative person.  He's very real too and compassionate and caring and overall one heck of a great friend to know.  He has a simplistic way about him that just gets down to the heart of the matter in whatever he does and I really admire that about him.  One of his most recent endeavors is sharing adventure stories of his cat, Ms Mama Macy.  You've really got to check it out!

(click image to read blog)

Writing can be fun as in the case of my friend Trevor.  When writing is fun, it expands your brain and gives you new neural pathways to explore.  I remember as a kid that exploring the barns and corn cribs of the farms we lived on was like traveling to another world.  Writing allows you to do that and sometimes escape the world you're currently in.

When we can escape the world for a moment, it sometimes gives the mind and body a fresh new perspective.  It allows us to see something that we might not have seen and so the mind and body can come together as one, working towards a common goal of awareness.

Surviving My Past.net

Another great blogger is Matt, my friend who writes SurvivingMyPast.net .  Matt is one of the most caring people I've met and is always supportive, no matter how upside his day may be going.  He's very real and open and honest and this shines through in his writing.  I seem to identify so much with what he writes.  Even issues that I thought were healed and sealed in my life, were opened back up with me being able to see them from a different perspective.  He's got a way in doing that.  You should really check out his blog and YouTube podcasts especially if you know of anyone that's a male survivor of child abuse.

(click image to read blog)

For a long time, I used writing as a tool to heal my life.  There was no way I could verbally express much of this to anyone.  Yet, I had so much pain locked up in me and the only way I could find some sanity in a day was to write.  I didn't write for others to read it.  I wrote to help make sense of it in my own life and in my mind and body.

Savage Lost...

The other person that is one awesome writer is my partner in life.  He writes about the history of music, but in a way that if you did not experience it, you feel like you were there when it happens.  He has such a great way with telling a story that captivates you.  Its more than history to him.  It is about living through these wonderful moments of years gone by as he and many others were dealing with the ever changing kaleidoscope of life.  Take a look at one of his articles from Savage Lost (1960 Florida Garage Bands) he wrote and see if you don't feel like you're right there living the music scene with him. 

(click to read image)

We don't have to be perfect writers.  I don't consider myself to be a perfect writer.  I just write from my experiences and my heart.  That's what these folks do that I've mentioned.

I'm an individual that is constantly expanding my horizons and so I love to read things by different people.  I don't want everything to be the same subject every day because that doesn't help the mind and body grow or evolve.  I challenge myself to read things that I normally would not read and I challenge you to do the same.

For me, writing is about putting down on paper all the thoughts in my head.  Some days, I think I do it more for myself than anything and other people benefit as a result.  Yes, it takes courage at times to share it publicly, but don't let fears and insecurities hold you back.  Just put the words out there!  You'll be amazed at what happens after that.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Surviving My Past

Let me introduce you to someone I find interesting and inspiring.  While I know there are a lot of places across internet land for survivors, not all of them touch me in the way this site did.  I've only had a chance to read a few of the blog posts on this site at the time I am writing this, but just wanted to give a shout out to Surviving My Past.

The other day on twitter, I saw a tweet come through that was talking about the book by Ellen Bass, The Courage To Heal.  This is an awesome book in my view and I believe it was the first book I ever bought when I was starting to piece my life together.

I remember listening to Ellen Bass speak at the Voices conference in Chicago in the late 1990's.  I don't recall exactly what year it was, but it was my first time being among other survivors of child abuse.  We sang the song together in that lecture, "How Could Anyone" by Shaina Noll.  If you want a life changing song, check out the song I just mentioned.  Try and sing along with it like I did in the morning and at night.  It brought tears to my eyes and helped transform how I viewed myself.

 

Back to the story of how I connected with Surviving My Past.  I saw the tweet come through and had to comment.  Of course, the individual commented back and then we had a conversation.  It was one of those connections that you just feel like you know what the other person has gone through because you both have been fighting in the same war.  And I found out that this was a male survivor of child abuse who had come across this book like I did.


I checked out his website and was blown away by how much he talked about his own journey of healing as he is going through it.  Surviving child abuse is not easy and if you make it through this part, trying to heal your life is equally as difficult.

When it comes to male survivors, there is this hidden code in the world that guys just don't talk about being sexually abused and they sure don't share emotions.  After all, little boys are taught from an early age in the family and society that they are just supposed to buck up and take it.  You're not supposed to show any signs of weakness as society and the family would dictate.

I like the raw and unedited part of his life that he is showing in SurvivingMyPast.net .   Its the real deal.  It is the person that is trying to piece their life back together with all the challenges you face and the energy it takes.  It is the questioning and attempt to search for answers, not just wallowing in the horrors.

I'm so inspired by this site and I hope you will take time to check it out.  Please pass it on to your friends that may need it, especially your male survivor friends.  There are many male survivors out there that need help and they need to know they aren't alone.  After all, I witnessed that in the Oprah 200 Male Survivor episode back in 2010.

The website is Surviving My Past (SurvivingMyPast.net)

You can also connect with him on Twitter @SurvivingMyPast

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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