Thursday, September 15, 2011

Conversion Disorder Healing, Part 4

Note:  This is part 4 of a 4 part series.  Read Part 3, first.

In many ways, the shaking and trembling is healing to most but for me it is like being re-traumatized again.  It is a connection to the fear, rather than an empowerment from the fear.  It is a handshake with the unimaginable, rather than the hope of freedom. 

All my life, I have encountered situations that were more than most people could endure.  I’ve tried to fight the good fight but when you are up against overwhelming odds, the strength in you is like a ghost hiding in the dark.  I question how all of this will come together for me and I am at a moment currently where I am resting from all of it.  It became too difficult to continue and my body and mind just need rest. 

Lately I have begun to think about why it is that I struggle to get going with this as a form of bodywork.  It is the work I want to focus on and I know that I have the touch and presence for it, but at the same time, the work scares the crap out of me.  As I am beginning to realize, if it scares me to death, than how could I expect myself to do this on anyone else.  For what if that person on my table started to shake and tremble?  Would I be so triggered myself that I could not even hold the space for that person?  I have no idea but I am beginning to see the connection.

How all of this will play out, I don’t have the first clue!  I am trying to learn to not be too hard on myself and expect a miracle when I myself am still recovering and growing.  I know I went through things that most would not even be able to hear me explain and somehow, there is something going within me that keeps driving me forward to a place of healing, peace and contentment.  I just hope I have the strength and energy to continue!

Related Blog Posts
1)  Unified Therapy (June 29, 2011)
2)  Recovery From A Conversion Disorder (July 11, 2011)

3)  Danielle's Journey With Conversion Disorder (July 28, 2011)
4)  My Battle With Conversion Disorder (July 27, 2011)

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  1. Thank you so much for the wealth of information on your blog. I'm slowly making my way through the always interesting, articles, and they are very helpful to me in many ways.

    Sincere Regards,

  2. Don,

    An incredible story and inspirational to all that have obstacles put before them in their lives.

    All the best,

    Bruce (aka dataplextech)