Monday, November 1, 2010

Missed Biological Connections

When a person does not have the biological connection to life, it leaves them in a an altered state. The biological connection of a child to a family is so critical. While there are some parents and families that are so toxic to a child, you can never fully replace your biological family.

If this biological connection is missed early on or if it is severed later in life, there is a gaping whole that little can completely fill. Yes, there are many replacement fillers that one can use to fill the gaping hole, but the whole in one's life will always be there. It affects the mind, body, spirit and emotions in one way or another.

Think of a small child who has grown up without knowing their family. Or the child that was not wanted but later adopted. Even consider a child where a parent is absent at some point in their life due to divorce, separation or death. There is even the point where children and families become separated because of secrets in the family or other events beyond their control including child abuse.

Without these constant and healthy biological connections, a child is forced to view the existence of its world in a much different way. What is normal to that child may be considered anything but normal to others. The child's foundation for viewing everyday existence, is so skewed that even they struggle to find balance and ground in life.

Unfortunately these things take place in our society and our world more often than we may want to admit. These missed biological connections rip apart the fabric of humanity. We as a civilization become less than human. Children grow up being forced to deal with a harsh and difficult world without the necessary building blocks of life. Children are forced to deal with and learn how to create some resemblance of these missed biological connections.

Like others I have met in life, I was one of those children who experienced moments in life where the biological connections were missed. Early in life, my father was sick with contagious hepatitis. I am not sure how old I was but the story told me was that my mom could only visit me in the hospital or my father but not both. For some reason, she chose my father. I was left to be cared for and loved by strangers who were the nurses. While I do not have conscious memory of these events, I saw the effect of it throughout my life. Any separation from my mom was a horrific emotional experience that I could barely manage.

After I was paralyzed and my parents pushed me to the point of cutting off communication, the biological connection that existed was severed once again. This time it never recovered for me and to this day, it remains a painful experience. I have done much to replace the pain but I still feel the effects of these severed connections in life.

I know that for each one of us who have experienced these missing or severed biological connections, life does go on. We find a way to cope and to heal. We do experience life in a different way. While we search to balance what seems normal with what actually is normal, our steps in life may not be easy. Each passing day we find out more about who we are and what we are made of in our life. We grow in ways that are unimaginable to many. In the end, I believe we will more fully understand why our lives were presented with these missed biological connections.

Further Reading:

1) Trauma: Biological Connections

2) Adopted and Abandoned Children

(Above Picture taken at Carrol Rec Center, Carrol, IA - (c) 10/18/10)

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