Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dream Of Standing Up To My Family


From my dream journal 11/27/10:
Imagine a high rise building that stretched for many hundreds of floors into the sky, taller than you could ever think a building could go. That was where my dream started out.

It seemed that I was in the building to do some work like I was doing something with computers or a computer install. Yet, the funny thing is, I don't recall seeing any computers, just cubicles with desks that had very little on them. There were no people visible at the desks except for the people running around delivering stuff or doing tasks like I was doing. Yet, it felt like a lot of information was housed here and being exchanged almost like it was a customer call center with a vast array of powerful computers.

I got on the elevator and was met by someone that knew which floor I was to go on as they pushed the correct button. I do not know the number of the floor they pushed but I could see that only some numbers were available but not all numbers for all floors. It was not sequential like one would normally see in an elevator. I just knew that this building stretched up into the sky for many floors and it was hard to understand how tall this building was. I was somewhat frightened and scared but not overwhelmed by the fear.

When the doors opened of the elevator, I got out and immediately stepped on to the steps of a bus. Stepping from the elevator to the bus, I noticed the sky was very blue and bright, yet it seemed like the building continued for many more floors above. It felt like I was on a sky deck or terrace of the building. The bus seemed to have others on it but I really could not see them. However, I sensed or knew they were there. In a quick fashion, the bus sped away to some place that looked like a combination of places I had lived like a house but it was not any one house that I had ever lived in. The house seemed very small in the place I was in but I could tell it stretched for a long ways in all directions. There were many windows in it facing towards beautiful pastures, mountains and open lands.

When I arrived at this house, my mom was the first one that came into view. She admitted to me that she knew Dad had molested us. My dad was sitting there in another room looking dejected, full of shame and almost barely able to hold his head up to look at me.

There were other friends there that I knew and they all seemed to know the secret of me being abused was known to them. It was like they had always known it had taken place but had never said anything or did anything.

Ceaser Milan was there in one of the bedrooms. I can remember a bed being in a corner of the room with a deep blue bedspread. He was explaining how to make healing smoothies with three ingredients of which I cannot remember what all they were. There was something in this to do with ice cream. The most important part though that I remembered was that he told me you had to put dog poop in them because it was very healthy. He was very adamant about this ingredient and stated it just as I wrote here. When I balked at this, he urged me to try the smoothie and I was shocked that it tasted good.

I went back out to talk with my parents and everyone that I knew who was there. I cried a lot about the events that I had gone through being sexually abused and was very angry but not violent. I stood up for myself and told everyone that I knew including my dad, how could you? I asked my mom why she didn't leave dad but there were no answers. They all just stared at me as if they had no answers.

I told my dad that he was leaving this house and I never wanted to see him again for he was dead to me.

After that, the dream ended. I really don't remember physically leaving the place or these people leaving but it was like everything was finished and now life went on. I remember waking up this morning feeling very rested and like I had slept deeper than I had ever slept before in my life. It was an extremely deep, restful and rejuvenating night of sleep. I felt empowered, strong and full of hope when I woke up this morning.

Surprisingly enough, I was able to remember and record many of the details from this dream.

(c) by Don Shetterly 11/28/10 - use by permission only

3 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this. It seems as if you've crossed a milestone here.

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  2. how beautiful you can remember your dreams so vividly, I find that the dreams I remember vividly are the ones that are more symbolicly important for me. All of our experiences are different, some good, some what we think as bad, some happy and some sad..but, because of these experiences we are who we are and we are doing what we are doing because of them. For many times, when people overcross our boungdaries of our lives,bodies,minds..is also due to them suffering through events that they experienced and due to their neglect of not knowing better, repeating the same experiences over and over. Forgiveness is not for the other person, but it is more for our own selves so the past issues of life does not bother us as much. There will come a day, we will still remember things and be haunted with memories but they will not bother your life progress as much and it will provide us the time and mind to be better people with humbleness and humility. Sometimes, when people experience negative events ( abuse of different forms), this tends to carry on emotions of anger, shame,bitterness with it..and for this reason, forgiveness is a great emotion. So, we can be the wonderful spirits we are destined to be and to love..love like God. With no judgement and no strings attached that prevents us from loving and respecting. I like the one old native indian saying, it was something like " every spirit must awaken to greet the morning sun alone"..and so here we are, we are doing just that. Blessings and don't forget we are perfect the way we are, no matter what we experience in this life and our accummulated life times.

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