Don't Let Them Do It

(Written By Don Shetterly)

In one job I had, the people were treating me horribly and really acting as if I was less than human.  I had the owners of the company calling me an idiot in meetings.  I was getting screamed at for things well beyond my control.  They would have lunches for the office and keep me from eating any of the food.  It was challenging working in the place.

At the time I was seeing a counselor, and she told me a story about when she started doing student teaching as part of her college education requirements.  She walked into the classroom, and the kids were wild and would not listen to her.  No matter what, they treated her with no respect.  So, she finally went to her mentor, and he told her, the best thing she can do is “Don't Let Them Do This!”  She looked at him in disbelief as if it was that easy.

He went on to explain to her that if she mentally walked into the classroom with the mindset that “I’m not going to let them do this to me” that it would help.  She tried it, and it changed everything.  The kids started settling down and respecting her.

So, I went back to the job that I had and tried it.  Now, I’m not going to say everything was magically better or perfect, but the mindset helped.  I just told myself before walking in the office, “Don't Let Them Do It” and I don’t know what happened, but it is almost like they got the message.  They never heard me say those words, but my demeanor must have changed.   I still had some rough moments, but things were not as bad as they once were.

I know it isn’t easy because I’ve been picked on and put down in jobs and social situations.  I’m too nice of a guy at times, and sometimes I don’t speak up for myself.  Speaking up for myself does not come easy, but at some point, it is really what I have to do.  I know – it is not easy.

Doing this may take you out of your comfort zone, but sometimes that's where we learn lessons and evolve. It is a process of learning and adjusting to life because there are bullies out there everywhere.  When you’re a nice person, bullies don’t respect you.  I’m not saying to become a bully or be mean, but as I’ve found, I had to learn to stand my ground more.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

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It's Not My Circus

Some days it is far too easy to get wrapped up in events that are just not part of our lives.  I'm one that can easily wrap myself up in things that just don't need to be in my life.  Part of that goes with being a highly sensitive person.  I feel so much and want to help others so much.

However, I'm learning more and more that it is not always my circus.  I don't have to engage with everything going on.

We all tend to do this though or the vast majority.  We make things that are not necessarily our issues, into major catastrophes.  When we do that, we rob ourselves of joy and energy, and we place so much stress and trauma on our lives.

If you look at the latest news headlines, there are far too many that eat, breathe, and live this at every turn in their life.  Sure, some of it is important, but if everything becomes the latest headline of the day, you're missing out on so much that truly does matter.  So much of this, we just need to realize that it is not my circus.

There are people who twist everything you say into some political punchline or issue manifesto.  I'm just surprised and shocked by the extent of this.  No matter what you say, someone makes it into their issues that they can't let go.  To that, I have to say, It's Not My Circus!

Some days we are far too shallow in seeing the bigger picture of life.  We focus on the mundane moments that are fed to us as if they are the only things that matter.  We find blame in everyone and everything, but we don't stop and disengage from all these things.

Yes, there is so much going on in our world today, but if we belly up to the bar and drink from its sustenance, we're only adding to the world's problems.  I know this isn't easy to understand, but if we want humanity to come back to the forefront, we have had to take a hard look at why we engage in what we do.

 Sometimes just stepping back and realizing that it's not my circus is the best thing you can do.  Sometimes it is best to step back and breathe and look at the bigger picture.  I'm not saying, close your eyes to what is going on, but make your life into much more than is happening in the world around us.

There a bright big beautiful world out there and social media or the news or your friend's drama are most likely not going to be the ones to enlighten you with what exists.  It is only by disconnecting from the drama will you find a way to discover it.

Sometimes you just have to say, "it's not my circus."

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Allow The Healing Process To Unfold

Some days the simplest thing you can do is just be and observe.  Sometimes doing nothing, but observing whatever situation you may find yourself in, becomes the most powerful thing that you can accomplish in that day.

Often we want our problems solved in an instant.  We want to be healed from pain or trauma or a past that haunts us.  We want it to be done now.

Yes, we may be tired of fighting the good fight.  We may be tired of carrying on when life seems to difficult to endure.  We may be down on our strength and energy and resolve, but this is the time to stop and observe and just be in this moment.

Answers are there for our lives...

Answers are there for our lives.  Healing is waiting and often times happening when we don't even see it.  It isn't a matter of when will it take place or when will the answer appear.  It is a moment of observing and seeing what is right before our eyes.

It is part of being human to demand answers now and expect our lives to be healed.  It is part of having to endure much more than any human should ever have to face. It is part of a process that connects to something bigger, even if that is so hard to comprehend or even believe is possible.

We have made it this far...

We need to keep in mind that no matter how tough our days get, we have made it this far.  We have overcome so much up until this point.  Let us focus on these thoughts as our mind and body reach out to us with answers that will not only sustain us, but keep us moving forward.

Healing and difficult times are a process that unfolds as we are ready and allow into our life.  Sometimes when we think we are ready and when we truly are ready, don't show up at the same time.  It is a process.  Allow it to unfold.  Allow it to become all that it is and just be in that moment with all that you are at this time in your life.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Telling Others What To Do

All too often, the opinionated in our society feel that they have all the answers.  They think it is their job to tell others what to do.  I've seen it a million times, especially when it comes to life's challenges and mental health.  Often, the ones doing the telling have no clue what the individual is going through.

When I got out of the hospital after going through Conversion Disorder, there was no shortage of people telling me what I should do.  In fact, it just got to be a normal thing to endure.  One lady in particular told me that I didn't need those doctors.  All I needed was to pray.  Whatever your view of prayer is, I responded to her that day, "if you broke your arm, would you just pray about it or would you go find a doctor?"  Of course, she did not have much to say to that one.

Sometimes when you're going through rough moments and patches where it seems dark, the last thing you need is 50 million people telling you what to do.  Most of the time they do not even know the full circumstances of what you are experiencing, but it doesn't stop them from being the authority.  Sometimes their "quick fix" is more harmful than if they just let you be.  Sometimes you just need to wallow in the mud pit to cool off like a pig wallowing in mud.

None of us truly know what the other person is going through.  For us to be telling others what to do is really more about our own ego or being uncomfortable with the subject and issue in our life.

I remember one guy that got so upset with me one time.  Here he was beloved by all and always portrayed to the "organization followers" that he was some great person with love in his heart.  However, when I came around and was sharing briefly what I had been learning in life, he thought I was going to mention that gawd-awful subject, child sexual abuse.  I had not even planned on saying that, but he made me so uncomfortable with his bully attitude just because it was an issue had had not dealt with in his life.

When you send memes to people thinking that a sentence or two will solve all their problems, you're really not helping.  You are just pushing the individual deeper into the cave of their despair.  If they could see the way forward, they would be taking the steps.  Sometimes the meme is one of most dangerous bullets that people fire at one another on social media.

Telling others what to do is not really what people surviving trauma and despair really need.  They need an ear to listen to them.  They need to know someone is sitting close by just being there with them if they falter when taking a step.  Sometimes your presence without judgement is more valuable than any word you can utter.

Telling others what to do is a horrible way for humans to interact.  It is far more helpful to people if you can share an experience you've been through - IF THEY ARE READY FOR THAT.  Have compassion by keeping your beliefs and opinions to yourself and just being there for someone.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Shoot Them And Problems Disappear

In my house, if the authority figures needed to make a point, they did so in a dramatic way.  It happened so many times from an early age in my life until long after I left home, that it seems like the way problems were dealt with.  In fact, the Colorado shooting brings this subject back up for me.  It isn't only the killer that I think about, but all those going out to protect themselves and buying guns like there is no tomorrow.

I'm not hear to write about gun control.  That is a subject for some other blog, but not mine.  What I am here to discuss is how my father and older brother used the shooting, killing, mutilating and suffocating of my pets in order to get rid of problems.

From my little kittens that got shut in the basement cellar door and killed, to my kittens that were drowned in the river, I remember crying my eyes out silently for them.  I was not allowed to show any emotion on this or make those who did it feel guilty in any way.  There were the innocent frogs that I would see being mutilated just for the joy of it while I so badly wanted to rescue the poor critter.  Yet, if I had tried, my body would have been beaten to a pulp.