Taking Away Their Pain

Written by Don Shetterly

Many of us who are extremely sensitive truly struggle when we see others hurting.  We want to take their pain away, but more often than not, we don't have the power to do this.  I wish I could heal and take away the pain of so many, but that's just not how life happens.


While I realize we can be there with others in their pain, there is a big difference between that and taking away their pain.  Pain is there for a reason.  I wish I understood why it is for everyone, and why it is in my own life.  I'm not that smart and I doubt very few people can truly say with one hundred percent certainty.

I see many things come through my mail promising to alleviate pain.  After all, who wants pain in their lives?  Unfortunately, most of these things are a band-aid applied to a gushing wound.  Now before you say, oh but it did take away my pain, let me explain the misconception here.

If pain and suffering are in our lives for a reason, then if someone takes it away we lose the full impact of why it was there.  If we look to others to take away our pain, we give our own personal power up to them.  If we look to outside forces to fix us and heal us, then we've neglected what our own mind and body are capable of doing.

Keep in mind that these so-called pain relief treatments, models, and remedies do not often heal the pain.  They only mask it for a short time.  I say this because if they truly healed the pain or situation in your life, then one treatment would be all you would ever need.

If someone helps you...

Instead, if someone helps you find your way from pain, then you've got the possibility of being empowered with your own mind and body to take that healing further than you ever thought was possible.  If someone helps you find the way to healing your pain, you now learn new tools that will assist you in the future.  It isn't just a one time fix.  It is like teaching someone to fish, rather than only giving them the fish.

I personally believe that pain and suffering are there in our lives to help bring us further into our own awareness of who we are.  The more we go through moments of suffering, the more we wake up and discover all that we are.  Does that make suffering easier to swallow?  Not in my view.  I still struggle with this concept even though I've come to see how true it is in my own life.

It is in understanding what that pain means to our lives and to the world, that we discover so much more about life and consciousness and all that is possible.  Without the pain, we would miss some of those things.  Without learning how to heal the pain, we would miss the lesson.

I am often reminded of the song that Garth Brooks sings, "The Dance".  The line that really stands out to me in this song is, "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."

If our focus in helping others is just to take away their pain, then we're doing them a disservice.  Sure, we don't want to see them suffer, but we need to help them learn whatever it is that they need to learn.  We need to walk beside them and hold them and be there for them while they make the discovery.  We need to walk through the fire with them, not merely dump water on the embers.

Our greatest gift we can give someone else in helping take away their pain is that we enable them to connect not only with their mind, but with their body. That connection is where the healing forces are found.  When we lift someone up to that moment and we're there walking through the fire with them, the hope and possibility they will have for their life will be multiplied many times.

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Masking The Healing

We all have times when we come up against physical situations that challenge us to the core of our being. It may be anything from hip pain, back pain to a rash, headache, allergies or any condition you can name. Sometimes these conditions are debilitating and leave us screaming beside the road of life.

The strange thing that we as a culture subscribe to is we just want to flee the pain. The pain or difficulty of the situation is more than we can take in our lives. While this is understandable, we are often misled by the treatment options available to us. We just look for any way possible to get rid of or mask the pain as if it is no longer present in our lives.

We actually go to great lengths in our lives to flee pain. Through visits to the doctor, test and procedures, surgeries and medications, we beg for someone to alleviate our pain, heal our symptoms and fix us. We beg for someone to give a name to the condition that we are experiencing so we'll be able to know without a doubt, just what it is we are dealing with.

As much as we try to convince ourselves that we have somehow helped our situation, we are not curing ourselves of the conditions we face. There is much profit and power derived from these pains and conditions and so the illusions are propagated throughout our culture and society. In fact, they have become the norm in every day life and anything outside of these advertised healing methods give the appearance that they will not help.

Even though we spend billions of dollars each year on health care and healing, diseases and suffering are still present. It almost seems that new medical conditions are showing up every time we turn around. No matter how much money we pump into the health care system or how much we spend on doctor visits, medications and procedures, we are not necessarily a healthier people.

A long time ago, our culture and many others found more natural ways to heal the body. If someone was sick, we were not pushing ourselves to continue our life without interruption. We knew how to take time and rest and relax so that our body could heal itself. Today, we take numerous meds convincing ourselves that we are somehow treating and curing our illness.

If these medications and medical procedures are really curing us, then why are these health situations still around? I am not convinced anyone could argue successfully that we are truly healing people from all these medical conditions.

While I am aware you can mask the pain, this is not healing. Most in our society do not believe these words. Even if they give lip service that they do, just take notice of where an individual turns when the pain gets rough. We cling to what the medical establishment and our families tell us, acting as if it is the only hope we have. We completely disregard that which is within us as we give away our power to someone else. We fail to see just how powerful a role that we play in healing our own lives.

It has been said that our cells have the genetic cod for replication of normal and healthy cells. yet, we see just the opposite of that. Of course, when stress and trauma are allowed to reside within the body, our normal cell functions are disrupted. The stored energy of past events alter how the cell replicates and functions. If we release the trauma, we unleash the cells and the body to function in the way they are intended. If we hide ourselves from the trauma and stress, they we alter our biology.

By introducing some outside agent to mask the condition in our body, we are not healing ourselves. We are simply putting a mask over our eyes in hopes we will not notice the pain. We are hoping the pain will disappear. In the short term, the pain may disappear. However, if you give it some time, it will find a way to show up again. The next time it comes knocking in life, it may be much more difficult than it was before.

As hard as it is to believe, healing does not come from outside sources. There may be individuals and procedures that helps us connect with healing within our bodies but they do not heal us. For true healing, either on our own or with the help of a safe person, we need to connect with the source of pain in our lives. When we connect with the source of pain, only then will we find the way back to health. We can mask this, avoid it, explain it and try to believe that these connections do not exist. Of course, in the end, we will most likely learn we are just fooling ourselves. To make these connections does offer ourselves so much more freedom than we can imagine.

*Read other articles on Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Nervous System and Trauma

Nervous systems are becoming so overloaded and overworked that few people are actually engaged in life and reality. When we overload and overwork our nervous systems without release, we cannot expect to function at 100 percent as humans. We become less than human. We give up who we actually are as a person.

When you are under repetitive stress, the body takes all of this in. It is like the shock absorbers on a car that are designed to take in the stress of the road. If you continue to pound the nervous system of the human body, the shock absorber, than at some point you will over whelm it. When it becomes overwhelmed, the flip will be switched.

Trauma is the same way as repetitive stress. When we encounter a traumatic moment, our body winds up and revs up the major body systems. Our brains begin to record the events, and the amygdala records the emotions that go with these events. All of these events become a neural pathway that is then used to process future information.

While we need the limbic system to function and make sense of experiences in life, if we fill it up and never release anything from it, our capabilities are diminished. Peace in our lives becomes hard to locate. It is as if we are in the jungle and the lion is chasing us. Even though we lost the lion or outsmarted it, in our mind, the lion may still be chasing us. It keeps us running as if it is still on our heels. The traumatic moments become fused with reality. It becomes difficult to tell the two apart.

We continue to carry the trauma or repetitive stress with us throughout our days. We allow the tiger to continue chasing us because through our altered consciousness there is no end to the tiger chasing us. There is no separation from the tiger in our mind and reality. Every day and moment from that point forward is affected without us giving much conscious thought that it is. Our future decisions are now wrapped within this altered process. Our fears are now framed through these experiences. Who we are has now changed into who we have become.

While we often cannot stop in the moment of trauma and release everything we are absorbing, we need to give ourselves the opportunity to do this. If the lion is chasing you, then you need to run. When the lion no longer chases you, it is time to go in and clear the nervous system out. It is time to release these things. An over stressed and over worked nervous system will not get you very far in life. It has a very big impact on how life looks to you and how it affects your physical body.

If you have spent a life time absorbing so much into your nervous system, it may take some intense work but there are ways to release it. While positive thoughts can greatly help the process, what is needed to release resides in the body. Until the body has released these things, they will continue to have an impact upon your life. Of course, fear and control try to give the illusion in our lives that things are different than they actually are. All too often, we succumb to these illusions. They become our reality and yet they are still an illusion.

Trauma and stress change us. It alters our perceptions and balance of everything around us. If we continue to allow the fears and energy of these moments to reside within our cells, we will be allowing a silent thief to rob us of who we truly are. Our potential will be diminished. Our reality will be altered. We will experience physical pains in the body that are overwhelming.

Working to connect our mind, our experiences and our awareness together with our body gives us hope, possibility and freedom. While it may not be easy to reclaim these parts of our life, we owe it to ourselves to become all that we are. For not only the sake of who we are but for the universe, it is imperative that we discover our potential. Anything less than this, and we've reduced the human experience for ourselves and for all those around us that we meet.

Picture taken along Volusia County Fair, Florida (c) 11/05/09


*Read other articles on Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Unneeded, riskier spinal fusion surgery on rise

As reported on MSNBC.com, A study of Medicare patients showed that more complex spinal fusion surgeries have increased 15 times between 2002 and 2007. Although simple fusion surgery declined during this time, hospital charges grew by 40%. In the article, it is suggested that aggressive marketing of devices used in the fusion surgeries is playing a role in this increase. There have been allegations of financial kickbacks to doctors using the spine surgery products.

Conditions that spinal fusion surgery is used for includes common lower back conditions caused by aging and arthritis. The findings suggest that these more challenging operations are riskier and they lead to complications and deaths.

About 5% of patients who had simple or complex fusion surgery, suffered major complications such as stroke. This is compared to decompression surgery patients that stroke was a complication because of the surgery, 2% of the time. The risk of death 30 days after the surgery was .6% for complex fusion surgery compared to .5% in simple fusion surger and .3% for decompression surgery.

When you read articles like this, does it make you stop and think a little? Does it just make you question why one surgery over another is more dangerous? Maybe it makes you wonder why people resort to surgery in the first place? Hopefully, at least you are asking one of those questions.

Our body gives us warning signals that something isn't right and usually this is through pains in our body. All too often, we ignore those pains and we deaden them through all types of pain relievers, hoping that they will just go away. Pain is one of the ways that body says - hey, I'm trying to get your attention. Often, there are things we need to change in our lives and yet, we fail to heed the call of the body.

So after some time has gone by, where we have ignored our body, we then seek medical care as the answer to all our problems. We fail to look inside of ourselves and look at what may be causing the condition. We just want someone to take the pain away which is usually nothing more than masking the pain so we don't feel it. If drugs and medications don't work, than surely surgery must or so we think. And for the new age, alternative therapy people - we think that if we put electrical stimulus in our muscles or we do this or that form of bodywork, nutritional supplements and or some type of flavored drink mix, than we will be cured! And alternative therapy people are a little more smug about it because they are doing it naturally they think. Please don't get me wrong. There are many alternative therapies out there that are very beneficial but don't be blind sided by them. Don't mask the pain in exchange for another therapy.

At the end of the day, we are still ignoring our body and what is sending the signal up through our body. We've learned all our lives that pain is not good and so we do things to "avoid" the pain, not fix the pain. Its easier that way, we tell ourselves. Again, at the end of the day, we are still ignoring what the body is trying to tell us.

Looking to others, whether it is alternative therapies or medications and surgeries, for the answers is only going to keep us searching, and wanting relief. It is only when we look deep inside that we will find the answers that we need. Yes, there are people who can help us get there but until we look within, the body will not fully heal itself. At the minimum, there will be residue of the pain lying in a dormant state within our body.

All too often, we fool ourselves into believing that we need to get rid of the pain. If we just spent the time going into the pain and becoming consciously aware of what was causing the pain, it would go away. It would not just go away temporarily either. If we shined the light of truth on it, we would find the pain running for the hills trying to get away from us as fast as it could.

It bothers me so much when I turn the TV on and see the constant barrage of ads on medications. While they do claim this medication does something positive for us, they also enjoy listing all the harmful side effects that each one has. Yet, in alarming numbers, we continue to purchase and consume these medications as if they are giving us life. In reality, they are taking life away from us. I do not want to state that all medications are bad and should never be used. That is a decision you need to make with your doctor but make the decision in an informed way. If you do not go searching deep within yourself and just turn to the surgeries or the medications as your salvation, than you are truly robbing yourself of being human.

There is a concept called the "placebo effect" that has extreme healing power for us. In fact, when many of these studies for medications and surgeries are done, the placebo affect often does just as well, if not better than the medication or surgery. However, these things are often just not written about because they would take millions and billions away from the medical establishment. What company would really want you to know that you could basically heal yourself, if your mind was convinced that it could? That would take a lot of money from the drug companies and surgeons and hospitals. Think about it. Don't take my word for it. Try to prove to yourself if this is true or not.

Health care is not about taking drugs, doing surgery or finding someone to tell you that if you do their therapy or take this supplement, you will be healed. There is just so much of that thinking out there and if it truly worked, these people would work themselves out of a job. The way you become healthy is to get in touch with yourself and to truly travel deep into your mind and body, through the fear and controls you put in place in your life. Anything less than that and you are robbing yourself of truly being human.


*For more articles, check out the Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Mind OVER Body Power

As a child, I learned early on in a very conscious way how to increase my core body temperature so I could get out of Physical Education (PE) class. I hated PE class for many reasons because most of the sports did not interest me and I was not coordinated enough to do them well. Because of this, I would often be picked last when we had to divide up in teams. Most of my classmates did not want me on their team and they would often yell at me when I missed catching a ball or some other mistake. On top of that, I hated the fact that I had to undress and shower in front of all these other people. There was humiliating reasons that caused embarrassment but for me, it was a very unsafe environment. And so, I would often use my mind consciously to raise my body temperature so that I could go to the nurse and get out of PE. She would of course take my temperature and then declare I was sick and send me home. If they ever caught on to what I was doing, they didn’t say anything and I was smart enough to not do it every time but to only use this when I just could not deal with attending PE class.

For a long time, I never thought anything about it. Then when I got into bodywork and I started to see just how powerful the mind was over the body, I realized that I had actually overridden my normal body controls just with the power of thinking that I wanted my body temperature to increase. It wasn’t like my body temperature went very high but it was just high enough to be outside of the normal body temperature range. Of course I would have to play sick and make it sound to the nurse and my mom that I was truly not feeling good. It had to be convincing or they wouldn’t believe you. It was nothing for me to make my stomach hurt and in fact it hurt most of the time, so that was the convenient symptoms to put with the story. It was believable every time I did it and I didn’t even have to work at it that hard.

Now, another situation has arose where I have seen this in a first hand way. I went to a trade day with some fellow massage therapists. My body was already in a place where I wasn’t sure if I could be touched but I felt safe with these people due to past experiences with them and thought this would be a good thing. Being one of the first ones on the table, I was worked on one by one for a few minutes each by several people. Not giving thought to just how much that was probably not a good thing for me in this moment, I of course obliged the group and received the touch. After all, I didn’t want to upset anyone by not allowing them to work on me. I was stronger than that I thought and I could take this. Why does that not sound good now? I get a chuckle out of what I did not see that day.

So the first person worked on me for a few minutes and it felt good. My body dropped down and I just enjoyed being touched without jumping out of my skin. It was a good feeling. Than the next person came and worked on me and while I proclaimed to them what I needed and wanted and even thanked them at the end, there was a part of me that was wishing the touch would stop. However, I could not bring myself to say NO, please don’t touch me. The third person came along and the same scenario played out. In fact, by the time the third person got done with me, I felt like I had really relaxed and gone out on the table. It was as if time had stopped and I was in a deep place. Most people doing bodywork or receiving bodywork would perceive this state as a good thing. However, in my case, it was anything but good.

When I saw that my pulse had went from the 90’s before the touch began to almost 115 after the table work was over, I was puzzled by this. In my mind, I had relaxed and my body had let go from this light form of touch. Yet, my pulse was showing something completely different. It made no sense at the time. The two perceptions were completely at odds with each other. I didn’t say anything to anyone of course as I didn’t want anyone to think less of me as a result. So I just traveled back home. However, I noticed that as the time went, I became very angry at the people that worked on me. How could they not do better and how could they not do this or that to me? I just didn’t understand.

As I went through the night, the anger was continuous. It grew and grew until I began to question where it was coming from. Here all the time, I had missed the obvious. Much had been kicked up in me emotionally but it had not been allowed to discharge or dissipate. So I was left with everything being kicked up to the surface when in all reality, it needed to be pushed out of my body. Without that part, I could not go into complete relaxation because it is like an overflowing closet in your house. If the closet has too much stuff in it, you can’t put anything else in it until you remove something from the closet or clean it out. Much like our bodies, until you dissipate or remove the excess stuck energy, you can bring in the relaxation and true peace.

In my case though, I was able to numb out completely what was going on and bring my entire body into a state of what appeared to be total relaxation because that was what the objective of the work was. My body did this unconsciously without any thought to what was going on. So even though my body showed all the signs that one would look for, without the pulse meter indicating that my pulse was still in the sympathetic mode, I was not in a place of peace and relaxation.

Just think though how powerful the mind is that it can present one set of conditions to the world and yet inside, it is completely full of chaos. For me, this was my survival technique that helped me make it through some difficult times growing up. Now, however, it is not necessarily something that is a positive reaction in me that I still need to hang on to. Without a feeling of true safeness though, my body is going to automatically revert back to old patterns that are based in fear. Without the pulse meter showing my pulse at 115, I would have never realized this was going on. In fact, I felt so good while lying on the table. My mind and body were not connected together.

I learned firsthand through my own experience, that a feeling of peace and ease was not necessarily the way my body experienced it. And without dissipation, my body can only come down so far. It really changes how I look at myself and how I am able to sense that within myself. Just the realization and awareness of this has caused a major shift within me.

If you’re a body worker or even just someone that wants to become more aware of yourself and monitor your own body, get a pulse meter and see just what is going on. I’ve got a feeling you will be surprised as you learn to work with the pulse. The pulse is a good indicator of what is happening in the body. Even though you might feel like you have the ability to sense and see what is happening, the pulse meter will show you in truth and reality what is going on. The mind and the body may try to trick you but the pulse doesn’t lie.

What Is A Trager Session

I am not a certified Trager Practitioner but I have taken the first two levels. It is a wonderful form of bodywork that while it looks like little is going on, there is so much that is happening. For more information or to find a Practitioner near you, go to http://www.trager-us.org/

Don't Cry

Like many people, especially other guys (boys), I was taught that to cry was being a baby, not being grown up, and was something that you just didn't want to do. I remember the times when I was being punished and if I didn't cry, than I would be hit harder butt if I did cry than I would be hit for crying to much. You figure out the mixed messages in that one.

Unfortunately, all my life, I have been one of those very sensitive type of people. I would cry at the drop of a hat (whatever that means). I cried when I saw animals being abused or killed and there was no shortage of those events growing up for me. If I watched something sad on TV, I would cry and if I was at a wedding, I would be balling my eyes off. Being separated from my mom or saying good bye to someone I had been visiting, the tears would be flowing. I remember meeting Jeff and then having to get on an airplane to fly back home, crying most of the way and trying not to let anyone else around me see.

When I was a kid, crying was just not allowed but no matter how hard I tried, I did cry. I can't recall seeing my Dad cry and if he did, I just missed it. My mom on the other hand would cry some but not a lot and most of the time she tried to hide it. In my family, showing emotions such as crying or other things was just not the thing to do.

At nights, when I was so upset and just didn't feel like I could take it anymore, I would go and bury my face in my pillow and cry as loud as I wanted. I had to do this without being heard of course. If I was outside on my own somewhere, I didn't worry about crying because no one could hear me.

The thing is, I know I'm not alone. Boys should not cry is one of the most common messages that are taught in our society for some unknown reason. It is sad because tears do not show weakness or immaturity. Tears are not a bad thing. Crying can be a very big release for our bodies and a cleansing to our mind and our soul. It can bring about change within us that is needed and in many ways can help move us past whatever it is we are facing.

I think so much of it comes down to the fact that many people are not comfortable with someone crying. They feel inadequate to help the person and the tears being shed only seem to reinforce that. Yet, if someone is crying and you're not sure how to help them in that moment, just hold the space open for them. Be there for them with absolutely no agenda or anything that you feel you must do. Often, a person that is in a moment of crying just needs to be supported, held and reassured that they are not alone. Sometimes all they need is just to know someone is there. You do not have to make this an issue about your own fears and insecurities because at that moment, they do not matter.

So the next time you feel like crying, I say let it out! Be with those moments and feel the moments within yourself. Do not judge yourself and see yourself as being weak or immature or not able to handle your problems. Actually in all reality, those that cry are more in touch with many of their feelings, in my view. That may not be scientifically proven but I've seen plenty of evidence of it.

Feelings and emotions are a good thing. They are our barometers in life giving us release, cleansing and helping us move through things that otherwise would stay locked up within ourselves. The more we connect with our feelings and emotions, the more healthy our mind, body and spirit will become!

Workshop: Mind-Body Awareness Through Relaxation

Location: Andrew Jackson Davis Building
City: 1112 Stevens Street, Cassadaga, Florida, 32706
When: Sunday, July 19, 2009
Time: 2pm to 4pm
Cost: $20


Note: Please bring Yoga Mat/or Blanket plus a pillow and comfortable clothing
Facilitator: Don Shetterly

This workshop will focus on the Mind-Body Awareness. Through relaxation, movement, breathing, energy flow, the spoken word, music and just connecting the mind and body together as one to bring about a deeper awareness and a more spiritual connection with the universe.

For More information and Registration (click here)