Taking Away Their Pain

Written by Don Shetterly

Many of us who are extremely sensitive truly struggle when we see others hurting.  We want to take their pain away, but more often than not, we don't have the power to do this.  I wish I could heal and take away the pain of so many, but that's just not how life happens.


While I realize we can be there with others in their pain, there is a big difference between that and taking away their pain.  Pain is there for a reason.  I wish I understood why it is for everyone, and why it is in my own life.  I'm not that smart and I doubt very few people can truly say with one hundred percent certainty.

I see many things come through my mail promising to alleviate pain.  After all, who wants pain in their lives?  Unfortunately, most of these things are a band-aid applied to a gushing wound.  Now before you say, oh but it did take away my pain, let me explain the misconception here.

If pain and suffering are in our lives for a reason, then if someone takes it away we lose the full impact of why it was there.  If we look to others to take away our pain, we give our own personal power up to them.  If we look to outside forces to fix us and heal us, then we've neglected what our own mind and body are capable of doing.

Keep in mind that these so-called pain relief treatments, models, and remedies do not often heal the pain.  They only mask it for a short time.  I say this because if they truly healed the pain or situation in your life, then one treatment would be all you would ever need.

If someone helps you...

Instead, if someone helps you find your way from pain, then you've got the possibility of being empowered with your own mind and body to take that healing further than you ever thought was possible.  If someone helps you find the way to healing your pain, you now learn new tools that will assist you in the future.  It isn't just a one time fix.  It is like teaching someone to fish, rather than only giving them the fish.

I personally believe that pain and suffering are there in our lives to help bring us further into our own awareness of who we are.  The more we go through moments of suffering, the more we wake up and discover all that we are.  Does that make suffering easier to swallow?  Not in my view.  I still struggle with this concept even though I've come to see how true it is in my own life.

It is in understanding what that pain means to our lives and to the world, that we discover so much more about life and consciousness and all that is possible.  Without the pain, we would miss some of those things.  Without learning how to heal the pain, we would miss the lesson.

I am often reminded of the song that Garth Brooks sings, "The Dance".  The line that really stands out to me in this song is, "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."

If our focus in helping others is just to take away their pain, then we're doing them a disservice.  Sure, we don't want to see them suffer, but we need to help them learn whatever it is that they need to learn.  We need to walk beside them and hold them and be there for them while they make the discovery.  We need to walk through the fire with them, not merely dump water on the embers.

Our greatest gift we can give someone else in helping take away their pain is that we enable them to connect not only with their mind, but with their body. That connection is where the healing forces are found.  When we lift someone up to that moment and we're there walking through the fire with them, the hope and possibility they will have for their life will be multiplied many times.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Caring Is More Than Saying You Care

I see far too many times when people just don't even begin to go far enough.  They say they care, but their words just don't show they care.  I'm sorry to be the one to state this, but actions speak louder than words.

Caring is more than saying you care.  It really is.  If you can't listen and try to understand, your words are meaningless.  If you can't take the time to truly show you care, than your words just don't mean much.

All of what I'm saying is what most have probably heard before and it may sound harsh, but it really irritates me and disappoints me when I see people do this.  This is not behavior fitting to a human.  This is not what our civilization should be about.

There are many that are hurting.  There are many that just need a listening ear, a helping hand or someone that will say, "let me sit with you while you tell me what is weighing on your heart".  Instead we give the "I'm too busy" approach and tell someone, I'll call you later.

We give people the "don't bother me" approach because I need to watch my socks dry on the clothesline.  After all, don't they know that my TV programs and my latest social media rants are far more important.

We give the people, "subscribe to my way or hit the highway" approach because God only knows that we're right and everyone else is wrong.  They surely don't know what they want or what is good for them, but hey - that's ok, we know what is best.  What we have to say or how we think is far more important than anything someone else may need in that moment.

Caring is more than saying you care.  It is more than a social media like or share.  It is more than passing a happy thought and meme along.  It is truly showing another you care - in deep and personal ways that really make a difference.

Caring should not be the exception to our day like it is now.  Caring should be the norm.  Listening should be second nature, but instead we chatter along in our days, screaming and ranting online and to each other as if that is superior to listening.

If we can give caring to one another in this world, our human race is doomed.  We cannot sustain all that life requires without caring for one another.  The kingdoms of this planet will never prevail when caring is nothing more than an after thought.

So, what do you do each and every day in your own life to show people you care?  As you answer that, be brutally honest with yourself that you are showing caring in the way that you say you do.  When you do this, the entire world will benefit from your caring and there may still be hope for us all.

#Caring

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Eliminating Toxic People Is Wrong

I see this subject come up all the time.  People urge others to eliminate toxic people from their lives.  Actually I believe this is wrong and it is anything but human to call for this action.

Exactly who are toxic people?  Are they ones that you disagree with and who voices their disagreement?  Are they ones that are struggling and trying to hang on for another day, but their words and thoughts are difficult to be around?  Are they ones that say things that make you uncomfortable, although they may be true?  Maybe it is people that just think differently, act differently, look differently or are different than you.

I mean, if we start classifying people into toxic or nontoxic, do we make it easier for our pious selves to function in this society?  Do we think we are that much better than others that they need to be "shunned" from our existence?

I realize my words are strong right now, but I feel like I need to give a wake up call.  If I'm hitting the sore points for you, please know that I love you like everyone else that I love.  

There are people that are hurting and they need a helping hand.  They don't need the judgment of others who somehow deem themselves to be more advanced and enlightened.  They don't need someone telling them how awful they are for they already know this.

Yet, if you want to eliminate toxic people from your life, I really think you're doing nothing more than hiding your own head in the sand.  You can't deal with your own life, so you tell others to flee from you.  You say, "you're not welcome in my world because something is wrong with you."

Am I being harsh?  Most likely I am.  I'm not telling you that you have to spend all your time around those that drive you nuts or drag you down into the muck with them.

If we are truly human, we will take care of the gunk in our own lives so we can be there for others.  It doesn't mean we have to wallow in the muck, but we can't sit in our own white garments of enlightenment acting all superior over our fellow humans.

Try being human by stopping the constant propagation of meaningless memes on social media and truly being there for someone.  Often they don't need your propaganda and memes.  They usually just need to know that someone is walking beside them, ready to hold their hand if they need it.  It is not words, but action that is needed.

Far too many of us in this world are so pious and self-absorbed that we cannot be there for others.  So, we come up with convoluted ways to tell others to be more like us - so that we feel better about our lives.  Yet, instead of chastising the world, try to be real and uplifting to the world as a result.

Now, I'm climbing down off my own soapbox for the day.  Come back another day to see me climb back up on it.

One last thought though - we really do need each other to be there for us.  Its what truly makes this world go around.  Instead of having the desire to eliminate toxic people, try allowing your heart to hold their hand and help lift them up out of the pain they live in.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Traumatized by Cold Hands

I'm once again reminded of one of the reasons I no longer live in the northern half of the country.  It is too cold.  Well, it isn't so much the cold because I can take a little of it.  It is the cold hands.

Every since I can remember, my hands got cold.  It didn't matter if I had layers of clothes on and warm gloves, my hands were cold.  It didn't matter if I had the warmest mittens on, they got cold.  It could be 70 degrees in a room and my hands would be cold.

As far back as I can remember, I would get kicked, hit, and ridiculed, because my hands would get cold.  I couldn't help it.  They just did. 

Time and time again, I was told to shut up and grow up.  I was told not to cry.  Big boys don't cry is what I was told. I was so traumatized by it, that it still haunts me today. 

You would have thought allowing me to have 5 minutes to go inside and warm up would not have been asking for too much.  Apparently, it was.

Imagine your hands hurting from being cold or being so stiff they didn't want to move.  Imagine someone telling you that you were a cry baby or just complaining and whining.  Imagine being threatened with physical punishment and seeing that threat followed through.

Being traumatized by cold hands is not fun.  I do not enjoy the colder weather at all and for those that do, more power to you.  However, I didn't like to be made fun of and bullied by my father because my hands were naturally cold.

For me, I prefer the warmer weather.  Cold weather isn't my desire anymore and most of the time, it makes me want to hide and withdraw.  Most don't fully understand this, but it can be a very traumatizing moment for me.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 1/13/16 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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