Saturday, August 20, 2016

My Abuser Of Child Sexual Abuse

When I first started out on my healing journey from child sexual abuse, I looked at things differently than I do now.  One of these things was that I referred to the abusers as "my abuser".  I constantly referred to them as my abuser when I would talk to others sharing my story of child sexual abuse.

However, as I started going through my healing journey, I soon learned that there were better ways to talk about the person that abused me.  After all, to say that it was "my abuser" meant I was taking ownership of them.  It was my possession.

While I did not intend to make that connection, the words I used said the complete opposite.  The words made it sound to my mind as if somehow I was attached or wanted to be attached to the child abusers that did harm to me.  I know that was not the intended meaning, but it is how the words played out.

I started letting go...

As time went, I started letting go of saying, "my abuser".  I did not want to be connected to them and I did not want to hold them near and dear to me, as if they were someone with endearing qualities.  It may be a very subtle play on words, but I think it is important.  It was to me at least.

I began referring to them as the monsters who abused me or the child sexual abusers.  I would use words such as perverts because that is what they were.  As I'm writing this, I can't recall all the words that I started to use.  My main intent though was to quit possessing them as humans because they were anything but that to me.

Words have great impact...

Be careful when talking about what happened to you, because your words can impact you more than you realize.  After all, no one that has been abused as a child really wants to have anything endearing about the monsters that did these things.  Even if it is a slight connection, find a way to put things in proper perspective and reality.

To me, this was an evolutionary process of healing where as I healed, I did things that helped empower me, not take away my power.  No longer do I see the abusers as having any human qualities.  I no longer am connected to them and I've kept my distance.

To me, life is about moving forward and moving on, not holding on and possessing that which hurt me deeply.  Finding in my own life, the words that I use made a difference in how I perceived my own healing.

Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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