Maybe you think they should change and they don't. Maybe you think they should live a life in the way you see it, but they continue to do things that displease you and upset you. Maybe they believe in things you don't and you think they are wrong, or they take actions that you find totally upsetting.
Here's the secret to getting people to change. If you want people to change, then don't criticize them. Don't tell them how wrong they are. Don't scream that they know nothing and you know what is best for them. Don't hold your ideals and beliefs as the true source of information calling everyone else stupid. Don't say you love all people and then show nothing but hatred and contempt through your words and actions.
Focus on changing yourself first...
If you want people to change, focus on changing yourself first. They might be mirroring what they see in you. They may look up to you and if you act a certain way, that may become the teacher for their own life. Focus on changing yourself first and then watch what happens to those around you.
If you want people to change, allow them to be who they are. Allow them to be in the moment of their life where they are discovering themselves and learning and growing. If you inject criticism into their process, you might very likely be stopping them from changing.
Stop trying to force your way of thinking...
If you want people to change, stop trying to force them into your way of thinking. There is a good chance that you might not be 100% right either and will need to adjust your thinking in the future. There is a possibility that someone you want to change may already have arrived at that spot a little early.
If you want people to change, give them the ability to feel loved without judgment in your presence. Let them know that you love them no matter what and no matter how many times they feel they screwed up or stumbled. Let them know that your love for them is without judgement. It will get the best results.
Changing other people begins by changing ourselves. You will get much further in changing others, when you have changed how you think, feel, and see. Criticizing others will bring absolutely little real change. It only sows disharmony.
Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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