For me, it is almost like I'm afraid that I will fail. If I'm afraid that I will fail, the path that I travel on this is that why do this repair? Why screw it up? After all, I have to be perfect. This is what I was taught as a little boy. If you don't think that conditioning or teaching by example and force doesn't permanently mess with your mind, let me set you straight - it does!
The anxiety though about going into the unknown of a repair and quite possibly messing things up or not being able to complete it is paralyzing. It truly is. Maybe that's the procrastination by men when it comes to doing items on the honey-do list. Okay, I wouldn't say it is the only reason, but since men don't talk about things like this, it very likely could be.
Even in the times that I'm so scared and nervous and anxious to repair something, I managed to figure it out. I manage to fix it. Don't ask me how I do it, but I do. Okay, I don't fix everything and some things are beyond me, but I'm always amazed at how I do figure things out.
Anxiety is a reality in my life. I deal with it and struggle with it constantly. I've learned to let go of it more and not be overtaken by it most of the time. I believe anxiety is a real threat to the human species because we fail to go in and do the hard work of releasing it. And for men, that is compounded because "men" are supposed to be able to do this.
Men are required to be problem solvers and fixers. In our society, this is expected of men. Maybe there are some enlightened people that don't see things this way and I cheer loudly for you. Yet, this is all too common in our world. The world does look to them to solve things and fix things. I'm not being sexist. I'm just stating an observation of what happens. Disagree if you want, that's your choice. Again, this is something that is inherently built into our culture and society and being human.
There's a lot of pressure on men to do this. It creates anxiety. Now, I'm not saying this is the case for me because gay guys are a little different in this respect then straight guys. My anxiety comes from my struggle with feeling like I have to be perfect and that I can't fail. It is self inflicted. I just have this feeling, I'm not alone and I wanted to have this discussion.
Its an ongoing battle for me. I keep pushing myself to deal with the anxiety, but it is still there. I'm learning, but I'm not there yet. Unlearning those early lessons in life is difficult. I'm not saying it can't be done, but when it is drilled into you from a tiny little boy and up, you just don't reprogram the brain and neural pathways that easily.
Blog Post And Images (c) 7/25/15 by Don Shetterly
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