Friday, October 19, 2012

Its Hard Not To Worry

I know this is an issue I've been working on all my life.  For me, it is much easier to worry than it is to breathe!  I'm being honest here.  I can worry with the best of them and probably would win a medal if there was a competition.  Of course, I don't say this to make light of the issue, but I'm trying to make a point that I know its hard not to worry.

In the past couple of years, finances have been a struggle.  I've had some great challenges and how I have overcome them, I am not sure I could articulate it accurately.  Worry has been at the height of my existence though which leads to anxiety and fear along with doom and gloom.  It is hard not to worry.  Maybe for others, this isn't a big deal, but it is for me.

Even through the past month or two, I've seen opportunities arise that came out of the blue.  I didn't expect them, but they showed up.  Time and time again it showed me that I was not alone out there and the less I worried, the more things happened.  Of course, it meant that as I gave up the old patterns of worry in my life, my ego said, "whoa baby - just exactly what do you think you are doing here?"  I mean after all, my mind is so used to the neural pathways that fire together and focus on lack, rather than unlimited abundance.  It is like a beloved and hated twin part of myself.  It is like the more I move forward, the more I give up a part of my life that feels like without it, I cannot function.


I've been down this road before.  I remember writing a blog post about "are you ready to let go".  It wasn't easy then in that situation, and this junction in my life isn't easy either.  At times I would like to run into a cave and hide, but I'm really done with that because I know the more I hide, the less I move out of this situation.  It isn't easy to just give up something that seems so familiar in life, yet the more I hold on to it, the more it holds me back.

Today I looked at my finances and even though I can meet my obligations for this month and well into next month, I'm still freaking out.  In many ways, I want to have all the answers and solutions show up now, rather than trust that things will work out.  Yet, I remind myself that the less I worry about it and the more I keep looking forward, everything seems to work out.  The more I get in the middle of it, the more of a mess I make in my life.  Yes, it's hard not to worry, but worry only serves to knock the momentum out of me.



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Blog Post And Images (c) 10/14/12 by Don Shetterly

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