YouTube Video On Forgiveness And Letting Go

I recently found this video on forgiveness and letting go and just had to share it on this blog.  Like many people in this world, I have struggled with forgiveness.  What I was taught that forgiveness was and what it actually is, are two different things.  For me, it was all about letting the abuser or offender off the hook and acting as if it never happened.

There is a very good reason why we are taught as children to do this especially in our family units.  If the parents feel guilty, than the best way for them to get rid of the guilt is to get you to act as if it didn't happen.  The subtle difference here in what forgiveness is truly about and what happens in many families is profound.

Forgiveness Is Difficult

Through very personal moments, I find that forgiveness can be extremely difficult. When you are hurt by people you care about, it is easy to feel confused, upset, and angered. However, forgiveness is the most difficult step after the point of being hurt.

Yes, I realize now, forgiveness is all about letting go and while that sounds like a simple and dignified definition, it isn't always that easy. Everyone has their own opinion as to what forgiveness means from the strict religious view and interpretations there of, to the new age philosophies that are abundant.

For me, I've traveled through some difficult waters many times over in my life. Once again, I'm reminded of the turbulent oceans beneath my feet. When you get used and abused regardless of what form it takes, the hurts and pains attack as an army attacks its enemy. It is relentless and full of power, or so it seems to be that way.

As you add some codependent guilt and shame on top of the hurt, it makes the process of letting go that much more difficult. It becomes something that is not only the energy of your own process but has attached to it, the energy of others. Cutting the cords of attachment between the two is sometimes only accomplished through a highly skillful surgical approach.

All too often, there are moments of forgiveness that are met with lonesomeness since the people that hurt us often shun us or close their ears to what we try to express. In those moments, we must tread on through our journey and continue to learn to let go of those pains and hurts.

It is not easy no matter how you look at it or slice it in pieces. The hurts are still there but in order for us to move forward and reclaim our life, we have to let go. If we don't forgive at some point, we are harboring all that was done to us and giving it much more power than it deserves.

For a long time, I struggled with this concept and slowly I am beginning to understand it. Once again, through an event I was involved with, the lesson has reared its ugly head. I do realize that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person but has everything to do with how I see myself and love myself. Yet, my mind struggles to comprehend these things.

The final note I want to share is that forgiveness is a process. It is about learning to let go and allowing the hurts and pains to be felt, experienced and realized. Forgiveness is not something you do in some special ceremony where poof, the magic dragon is slayed. It is not someone standing up and proclaiming, I forgive you (although that can definitely help). I would suggest that forgiveness is something that is ongoing and one day you wake up realizing that the hurts and pains of the past hold no further power over you. Then, at that moment, you have forgiven what was done to you.


Further Reading
1) Finding Self Forgiveness and Self Love
2) Forgiveness For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse
3) Release It, Let It Go (Pg 97 - Hope And Possibility Through Trauma)



Blog Post & Images (c) 5/2/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

Abuse In Religion

Interesting report by Anderson Cooper about Scientology (See video below). While we in no way can tell who is telling the truth and who is lying, religious institutions try to silence the messengers. They are very effective at this. Unfortunately, too many followers of religions willingly go along with this which is very sad.

Just like in the Catholic church where sex abuse by the hands of these priests and cover ups by the Pope is coming to light, many church denominations have members who harm children and others. The Catholic church is leading the pack right now in this but it isn't just them.

Our family was part of the fundamentalist sect of Baptist Churches (GARBC - General Association of Regular Baptist Churches) while growing up. This sect was so strict that one could not go to a high school dance, or to a restaurant that served alcohol or even sit closer than 6 inches to someone of the opposite sex. They were always preaching that if you did anything that would cause someone else to stumble, you were responsible for what that person did. They would not even allow boys and girls to swim together and when you went swimming, you almost had to wear a three piece suit. You had to wear swim wear that was not revealing along with a tshirt and until you got into the water, you had to wrap your legs with a towell. This is just some of the things that they practiced and preached. I could go on for a long time about this sect of Churches. The environment in this Church fostered the ability for things to happen to me. To much was done in the name of God's Love that has haunted me for years.

I still remember my father coming back home from a Lowell Lundstrom seminar where he supposedly asked if masturbation was wrong or right. This of course is what he told me that he asked at a marriage seminar put on by the Lundstroms. When he got back home, he of course enjoyed speaking about it with me as a very young boy. While it was disguised as "educational", it was nothing of the sort because it was a way for my father to get his jollies. I don't blame Lowell Lundstrom of course but my father used religious methods and places to further his sick practices. While I'm sure this doesn't sound nice to hear, it is part of what I experienced.

So when I see these places like the Catholic Church or Scientology or others stand up and act as if they are being victimized by the accusers, I really want to go and see if they have any functioning brain cells. How many child molesters and abusers do you know have actually owned up to what they did? Probably the number is very low. Yet, these child molesters and abusers twist the facts and turn the accusations back on the accusers. That is what they are good at. That is how they control and manipulate their victims. This is normal operating mode for these people. In fact, I would be surprised if they did anything different.

However, just because the perps try to distort the facts and twist things around, it doesn't mean that they are correct. It is very difficult to come out as a victim on any of these things and often takes years of work to get to the point where someone is able to do that. Victims don't easily speak out because of the shame, guilt and because they were taught to stay silent. That is how these religious organizations get away with all they do.

It is a poison that is feeding on our society and our world. The body and the mind of the child was not meant to experience or endure these things. If we don't work to stop these things and expose all that is going on, than we are just as responsible for what happened. To stay silent and not protect others is not human. If we don't wake up in our world and our society before it is to late, than we will have brought a generation of darkness upon the earth.

This report by Anderson Cooper is very good and valid. I'm glad he is doing it and I applaud his courage in shining the light of truth on organizations that are excellent at silencing people. In case the video does not show, here is the link to Anderson Cooper's report on Scientology.

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