Control Is Fertile Grounds For Abuse

I tweeted this out the other day because I see many parallels to current events that were identical to what I went through as a kid.  I take no pleasure in this connection.

It is extremely triggering to me.  It allows me to see things from a different perspective because I have lived through them once before.  The triggers are overwhelming right now and I really have to modulate my time seeing some events unfold.

I know I'm not alone.  I know others have had to deal with this very same thing, especially those that have endured child sexual abuse.  In order for abuse to take place, there needs to be someone in control.  That person in control has absolute power over not only the victim, but all those associated with them.

The tweet I wrote was, "I grew up in a home where you could not disagree with those in charge.  It allowed abuse to flourish.  It was brainwashing."

I grew up in a home where you could not disagree with those in charge. It allowed abuse to flourish. It was brainwashing.

— Don Shetterly (@mindbodythought) November 19, 2016

Not only was I sexually abused as a child, but the brainwashing that followed me every day of my life was one that I still struggle with today.  I was taught how to think, what to say and what to do.  At no time was I allowed to make my own decisions or follow what I thought or felt.  I was not allowed to say anything that went against what the supreme ruler dictated in our family.  The minister in the church was just as bad as what I faced at home.

Of course, the supreme ruler and his subordinates will be the first ones to claim I'm the one that is crazy.  They will say I was led to say these things by others.  They will claim that they gave me nothing but love and respect.  They will claim that they were great and loving.  They will claim that I was always allowed to think and say and do what I needed to.  They will claim, I am wrong and have no clue what I am saying.  They will claim, I was brainwashed by others outside of the family and church.

Their ego is too large...

You see, those that control others will never admit they are wrong.  Their ego is too large.  I used to think that people who controlled others were very strong, but I've since learned that they are so fearful of everything in life.  They are so full of fear that they will do anything to keep others in their line of thinking and control, so as to not allow them to touch their own vulnerability.  They will not risk anyone seeing the real person they are and they do that by controlling and abusing others.

But, it isn't just the ones that control others that allow horrible abuse to take place.  It is those that sit on the sidelines with their eyes closed.  They were just as plentiful back in the days I was being abused and raped and to this day, they still sit with their eyes closed.  You cannot care about others and have love if you sit by and watch others be abused.

Humanity is not about the control of one another even though it appears that way at this moment.  Humanity is about working together and coming to know more of who we are each and every day we are alive.  It is about inspiring one another to be more than we are and reaching for the outer limits of what we cannot see in this moment.

Control and manipulation and abuse are not signs of a strong person.  They are signs of a weak person.  A strong person allows someone to say and think and do what seems normal to them, while honoring and respecting that individual as a human being.  A weak person just controls and holds everyone down, thereby extinguishing the flame within us.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly

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