Have Respect For Yourself

Written By Don Shetterly

It is easy to just walk all over ourselves some days.  It is much easier at times not to have respect for yourself.  However, if we don't respect ourselves, no one else will.


When you've been abused as a kid, you learned early on to not have respect for yourself.  People greater than you in those moments took that power away and robbed you of your respect.  It is one of the hardest things I've had to work on in my healing.

For a long time, I let bosses and jobs walk all over me.  If they wanted something done, I could not say no.  I could not say, enough is enough.  I did what was expected of me, not what was best for me.

Many times I have volunteered my skills and talents only to be taken advantage of in those situations.  I'm not sure the organization set out to do that to me, but they did, and I was a willing accomplice.  I didn't respect myself enough to say no, this is as much as I'm going to give.

In friendships, I sometimes give and give, but I rarely allow anyone to give back to me.  I feel like it is selfish at times, but in many respects, if a friendship is going one way only, it is not healthy.  I didn't respect myself enough to think that I deserved anything.

I'm a person that is always there for others, but sometimes I just don't respect myself enough to say, that's the line, and I'm not going to cross it.

Respecting ourselves is important, and even though our boundaries may have been obliterated, it is something we have to learn in our lives.  If not, we'll just heap turmoil and difficulty upon ourselves by not respecting who we are as a person.

No one else out there will have respect for us if we don't have respect for ourselves.  No one is going to give us respect if we cannot do the same.

It is up to us individually to set the tone for what we expect out of life.  Let us be the ones to establish the right tone.  Our example will illuminate others.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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The Rash That Won't Stop

 Written by Don Shetterly

At the slightest hint of anything, the rash picks up.  It changed from being constant to giving me moments of reprieve.  However, in exchange for this, it kicks up harder and with more fierceness than ever before.  The itching may subside after some moments, and if I’m lucky, the burning sensation doesn’t start in because it can last for a long time.  Most of the time lately, I’m not so lucky on that.

It doesn’t take much.  It can be fabric touching it.  It can be something touching me emotionally (good or bad).  It can be a conversation with someone.  It can be stepping outside in the warm summer weather or trying to wade in the pool.  It can be a phone call that I’m on or even listening in on these days.

When it picks up with intensity, I care barely sit still.  I struggle to keep my fingers from clawing at the rash.  Sometimes it won’t let me stop and sit down.  It keeps me pacing the floors screaming out in agony as if it won’t ever let me go.  Sometimes I find myself hitting and pounding my body just to numb it, as if I was doing what I once used to do as a kid.

My breathing gets shallow during these times.  Sleep is like something a million miles away.  My brain begins to run incessantly as if it must solve every issue known to man.  I find no relief – only distraction.  Most don’t understand.  In fact, it is almost too difficult to explain.  I feel ostracized by virtually everyone, but I want NO ONE to touch me or come close to me.

The images flood my mind of being held down while boiling water is poured upon me.  I know what they want me to allow them to do, but on that day, I’m fighting them.  I know I shouldn’t fight them for it will only get worse.  I just don’t want them to today.  I’m tired of enduring this.  I’m tired of them doing it to me.

Regardless, bad boys that don’t do as they are told suffer the consequences, and so the boiling water is poured on me as a punishment.  It seems boiling.  It could be hot water.  I can’t recall.  My body screams in pain.  My body shivers as the cold air of the winter in a drafty old house touches me.  I shiver and shake.  I tremble.  Just like in the days of the seizures.  I couldn’t control those either.  I would shake and tremble and flail around until exhaustion hit.  It went until I numbed and disconnected enough that I no longer was aware of what was happening.

But good little boys don’t have these images of their fathers and brothers.  Good little boys should never think about these things happening.  After all, God will torment and punish me forever for thinking this way and not obeying their every command.

My body wants some rest and relief.  It wants to numb at the same time because it is just too much at the time to deal with at this moment.  It is much too much even to want to deal with at this moment.  It seems like it has been an eternity that is has been happening when in reality, the rash only started last Christmas.

I try to tell my mind and my body that it will get better.  It laughs at me like a pack of hysterical hyenas.  It scoffs at me with ludicrous thoughts as if there is any way to get beyond this.  I try to have hope.  I try to have hope.  I know I’ve been in similar darkness before, but it is of little use because I feel too worn out and exhausted to care.

By the time anyone reads this blog post, I will have had some Unified Therapy sessions to hopefully help me get past this.  So, stay tuned for the follow-up blog posts.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Hurtful Words Of Healing And Support

 Written By Don Shetterly

Do we ever stop to think about what we say to others?  Do we realize that sometimes our words are so hurtful even though we intend them to be healing?  Obviously, these are rhetorical questions, but I am constantly amazed at how people can be so misguided when they think they are helping others.

If you've suffered from mental illness or depression and anxiety, you've probably heard the routine statements, "just get over it" and "just move on."  These statements are so hurtful to others, and they do little to offer hope and healing for their lives.

I had one person tell me after I came out of the hospital from being paralyzed by a conversion disorder that I should have just prayed about it.  I was stunned.  However, I replied to them, "if you broke your arm, would you just have prayed about it?"  Her answer was no.

Yet it doesn't stop people from engaging their vocal chords and disengaging their brain cells. I'm sorry if that sounds rough, but when people make these statements to others who are struggling, those statements are very harsh.  They are hurtful.  People are already going through enough without others piling on to the pain.

I do understand that sometimes we don't know what to say or how to say it.  I do understand that sometimes it is uncharted ground that makes us fearful of saying the wrong thing.

The best thing you can do is to connect with your heart.  I don't mean engage the brain first.  I am advocating that you engage the heart first, then attempt to speak from the vocabulary in your brain.

If you can share experiences that help others connect with you, it can be helpful.  Again, this must be done from your heart and not from your ego or brain.  If it is heart centered, you are more in tune with what they need.  It is never about what you need in this situation.  It is about what support the other person needs.  Be careful that it doesn't become about you and your experiences, but how those relate to their situation.

Many times, the issues we see in others connect to issues held deeply in our own lives.  I often acknowledge their presence, but we should not inflict our own issues upon the other person needing support.  Our issues are not their issues.  Our issues should not be forced upon them.  They need support at that moment, and if we offer it from our heart and our experiences, it will help them more than we know.

 

Let's stop being hurtful with our words in helping support someone.  There's a good chance you will likely mess up at some point, but be honest and heartfelt.  Be understanding if you are not getting your point across.  Be understanding if they don't understand what it is that you can see.

In the moment of grief and despair, our eyes and our minds are not seeing clearly.  Remember that, as you're offering words of support and healing to others.  It will go a long way to truly offering to be there for someone and not inflicting emotional pain upon them through your words.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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