Reflection On My Birthday

Cake my mom made me
for one of my birthdays

This year I am drawn to this important day in a much different perspective.  For some reason my mind is focusing on reflection on my birthday unlike at any other time in my life.  Sure, I often think about where I am in relation to where I have come from, but this year it is different.  It is hard to explain in many ways, but I find myself looking deeper within.  I think of Raffiki in the Lion King that was telling Simba - Look Deeper!

In the past year, I've been through some very big highs and I've also walked through some very deep lows.  At times I didn't want to keep going, but through those very low points, I found the source deep within me to turn around and charge up the hill.  In those low moments, some unexpected things happened that I could never have guessed in a million years.

Even though difficulties still loom in my life, I have got so much to be thankful for and there are some wonderful people in my life.  If I focused only on the difficulties, I would be lying to myself in the perspective of my life.  I need to pause and take notice that even in the most difficult of times, the beauty that is around me is all part of my life as well.

Do Something Special With Leap Year Day

2/29/12
Leap Year

While I know we really don't get another day in life, the way the calendar is aligned, there is an extra day this year. It is leap year! I'm amused by it and think it gives us an extra day to do something special in life. We could all take a day and think about our impact on the world.

There is a site that explains more about Leap Year at http://www.timeanddate.com/date/leapyear.html if you want to learn and understand more. I can only wonder what it is like for someone who was born on February 29 and technically only gets to celebrate a birthday once every four years.

Anyway, I thought I would just write a lighthearted blog post today because I find leap year to be cool. It just makes me stop and think about time and how we either use it to our benefit or we waste it. It helps me stop and think about what I do with the time I have been given.

Peacefully Connected

From my morning meditation, this is something I wrote as I listened to the birds outside including the red headed wood pecker going at the telephone pole.

Symphony of birds
How beautiful the sounds
Peaceful
Connected, yet they stand alone
Dogs in the background
Voices filter in
Peaceful
Simple
Connected

Maybe what seems disconnected and as individual moments in our lives, is part of our overall symphony. It is connected but yet it often appears as we are standing alone in our individual moments. If we allow all of it to come in, it will simply be peacefully connected.

The Many Dimensions Of Life

© 9/21/09 Don Shetterly - #1 (click thumbnail to enlarge picture)

This is the first painting I’ve ever painted outside of elementary or junior high school. I don’t really see myself as a painter but I do enjoy putting colors together and trying to find the different depths of dimensions that the eye may or may not pick up.

Maybe in some ways, this is how I see my current life at the moment. I guess if it is like my music, my creativity usually depicts my current mood, moments and life
.
In life, there are many dimensions and so is the same true in this picture. Even if you look at any one part of it, within those parts, you will see different dimensions through the use of colors, textures and the layering of the colors and textures. The dimensions of this painting are many and vary from the obvious to the almost hidden from view.

As life goes, there are always mountains. Sometimes we are climbing the mountains and other times we are looking at the mountains from afar. Within the mountains, there are many beautiful trees and snow covered peaks, but underneath, there is the grey rocky soil.

Nestled within the mountains is a lake of refreshment and peace and calmness. It is full of depth in itself and offers an oasis within the mountains we climb. While it may look out of place to the overall aspect of the mountains, this is usually true of how we find those peaceful moments within the challenges. They are not always straight forward and obvious but sometimes often hidden from view and from a different viewpoint than we may normally look.

Running through the lush hillside of earth and grass, is a winding river with many crooks and turns. Even sometimes before we get to the mountains, we follow a path which may not be straight and known. Often it is filled with the unknowns and the surprise bends and turns. But it leads us further into the mountains and the challenges and it also points the way to the lake we will need in the future.

Our house or our life is filled with colors and in this painting, it reminds us that each day we get to choose the colors we want to create the story book of our lives. There is no right or wrong in what we choose but there are many colors to choose from. Our life and our house may have many windows in it which some are open and others are obscured from view.

Following upwards to the sky, you may notice all kinds of things from the different colors and textures to the hint of clouds. Never when you look at the sky do you see one solid color. There are always varying colors and often clouds to some degree in some part of the horizon. Our life is much the same way in that even the way we see it, there is so much more. It isn’t just a one color “blue sky” type of life. It is much more than that.

Last but not least is the angel that stays close to me. I never fully feel alone even when I get moody and I’m struggling because I know the angels are around me. There is way too much evidence to refute any suspicions and denials. While my depiction may not be like others would see them, this is how they reference in my mind and my life would not be complete without an angel around me.

Reflections On My Life

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and realizing just how far I've come. Maybe that's the message I was looking for recently when I felt like I was up against the same proverbial brick wall. It was a familiar brick wall and one that seems to be there no matter what.

You see, my life has been deluged with many storms. I've been battered in just about any way one can think of that a person can be. There hasn't been too many things that I've not encountered in my life in one way or another. Some people have told me that I chose this life, which at first was hard to reconcile but the more I challenge and look at what these people have told me, the more it makes sense. I was never one to believe in past lives but too many things have surfaced to give evidence that there is more out there than what I was taught in some narrow minded churches.

When I was a kid, I never really thought I would make it through high school. I always just knew "somehow" that I was going to get very sick and the entire family would be around me wondering what to do. No one would have answers and it was a life threatening situation. As a kid, I thought this would happen before I graduated from high school but instead, it was a few years after I was out of college. And while I couldn't see the entire manner in which this would play out, it did involve my family wondering how to get me the help I needed and the doctors being unsure of what to do. Fortunately I did recover but it was a very difficult moment in my life and I did come very close to death.

All the while growing up though, I was an extremely sensitive kid. I'd cry at anything and everything. If I was separated from my mom, I'd cry. If I saw something little creature on the ground tortured or mistreated or even stepped on, I would cry. I had a pet rock and if someone would hit it, I would cry. There were people around me that could not accept that and being a boy, I was taught to be a "man" and not cry. Of course, that just made me go and hide my head under a pillow and cry myself to sleep.

The point is I was very sensitive and I picked up so much that was around me from what people were thinking and not saying to how they felt, how they responded to me or to so many things. It was like I was acquainted with a language that was not spoken or shared. Of course, the home life was not a stable, grounded life and so these things became misdirected as self sabotage for me. That led to stomach and digestive problems, self confidence issues and so many other things because I internalized everything.

By the time I reached high school, I knew I was just different than others or they were just different than me. I didn't feel like I fit in nor did I really want to. Many things I knew seemed to evade others and I was often confused that concepts which I understood were so far removed from most of the population. I still struggle with that to this day because somehow I just understand things that I have no idea where they came from.

Today, I still struggle with the self confidence and feeling like I fit into life. There are concepts which just seem normal to me but 99.9% of the population just doesn't get it! And they don't seem that concerned either.

I'm still very sensitive and really learning that this is a good thing in my life but sometimes it is overwhelming to say the least. Sometimes walking in store with a lot of people, is a major challenge for me. It is like everyone has their own life's movie playing around them as they walk by. Sometimes, I pick up the pains that these people have and then struggle to figure out if they are my pains or another person's pain.

So some days I still feel really out of place in this life and sometimes I have no way to reconcile that with anything. It is hard to find well rounded, grounded people to talk to because so many go out into all forms of la la land and they can't even see that they are in la la land. I'm learning though that all of these things are helping me grow into the person that I am. While I want everything to come together in life and know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing what it is I feel I'm being groomed for, I know that until the moment is right, there will be the feeling of a void. My sense and message is that all of this is taking place quicker than I realize but it is not time yet.

Why did I write this? I'm not sure. It may just be my way of trying to connect the dots. It may be my way of showing myself that this is going along as planned or it may be a whole host of other reasons. Whatever it is, my hands felt the need to write my thoughts down and I'll let the words go where ever they may travel.

It is my quest to understand more about my life, to heal from the storms of life and to follow that inner guidance within myself that shows me the path ahead.