Friday, September 14, 2012

Reflection On My Birthday

Cake my mom made me
for one of my birthdays
This year I am drawn to this important day in a much different perspective.  For some reason my mind is focusing on reflection on my birthday unlike at any other time in my life.  Sure, I often think about where I am in relation to where I have come from, but this year it is different.  It is hard to explain in many ways, but I find myself looking deeper within.  I think of Raffiki in the Lion King that was telling Simba - Look Deeper!

In the past year, I've been through some very big highs and I've also walked through some very deep lows.  At times I didn't want to keep going, but through those very low points, I found the source deep within me to turn around and charge up the hill.  In those low moments, some unexpected things happened that I could never have guessed in a million years.

Even though difficulties still loom in my life, I have got so much to be thankful for and there are some wonderful people in my life.  If I focused only on the difficulties, I would be lying to myself in the perspective of my life.  I need to pause and take notice that even in the most difficult of times, the beauty that is around me is all part of my life as well.

For me though, this reflection on my birthday goes much deeper than what I currently see or what I have been through in my life.  It goes deeper than seeing the beauty around me or the gratitude for all that exists in my life.  It comes down to my purpose and how I fit into my life's purpose.  For a long time, I struggled to find my way, but very recently I think I have found the purpose of my life.

I have had to walk through the raging fires in my life to get to this moment, but as I let my guard down, I am really beginning to find myself.  In a recent healing experience, I went in and touched the source of some of my deep pain and in so doing that, I found empowerment that is carrying me forward.  It doesn't meant that life is 100% peachy and easy right now, but at least it is giving me more determination, fight and courage for the steps ahead.

There is a tall order in my life and I know I did not come to earth just have a great time and party every day.  Not that, I party every day and ignore my responsibilities.  However, I know that there is much to be done and my life is going to play a bigger role in the lives of many other people.  How this will unfold, I do not know at this moment and I don't wish to see all the future details.  I want to live life and discover them as they come up.

So, as I do some reflection on my birthday, I am realizing that it is now my time to step out of the light of all that I have known into the darkness of the unknown.  As I do this, I will either find something solid to stand on or I know I will be given wings and taught to fly.  Regardless of my own fears and insecurities, it is now time for me to take the leap forward and walk towards my purpose.  It is time for me to stand up and be accounted for, without stepping back as if I do not hold the power I need for this moment.

I believe this birthday is marking a major milestone in my life and that next year when I get to this point, I'll most likely be looking back and observing all that happened, all that I accomplished and just how far I have come.  I have a feeling that when I get to the end of next year that I will look back in amazement of just how much has changed in my life.  I am under no illusion that it will necessarily be easy, but I know I have been preparing for this all my life and I know that I do not travel alone through the road ahead.

As I was writing this, I just found an old blog post that I had forgotten I had wrote.  It fits in with the theme of this post and is titled, "Highlights Of Our Life".

Blog Post And Images (c) 8/7/12 by Don Shetterly

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