Laura's Book Impacted My Life

Review Written by Don Shetterly

There are very few things I read that have such a great impact on me.  This book that Laura Corbeth wrote, My Courage To Tell, is one such book.  I'm stunned with how much it touched me.  I'm stunned at the way a chance connection made this possible.  Soon, I'll be sitting down with Laura to conduct an interview that will be shared on this blog.


Anyone who has followed this blog for very long knows that I too wrote a book about some of the experiences I went through growing up.  It is called, Hope And Possibility Through Trauma.

Part of what I experienced, in addition to the sexual abuse and torture, was psychological abuse like what Laura shares in her book.  I've actually never heard anyone talk about it so eloquently as she did.  She shared her story and through it, her own self-discovery and realization of healing her life.  Laura was so open in what she shared.

The psychological stuff for me included the following... and this is only a minor list.

• My brother tormented me all my life.  He lied a lot, and that’s one of the things that resonated with me from her book.  I used to hate his lying so much.  He would lie about the stupidest things.  We had these tiny little plastic American Building Bricks that I loved to play with.  When he would lie, my dad would get mad at both of us and threaten to throw them in the fireplace.  I finally got to the point where I’d speak up because I was tired of being punished because of his lies.
• He did many horrendous things to me.  Another that resonated from the book was how he would pin me down.  He was overweight and much larger than me.  I was a small-framed kid.  He would get me down on his back and jump up and down with his knees on my upper arms as he stretched them out on the ground.  I still suffer from the physical pain of that.
• I was beaten and hit by my brother and dad.  I’ve had a garden hoe taken to me, a shovel and belts/boards – whatever they could get their hands on, they would use on me.  For a long time in my life, I would find rocks and sticks to hit myself with when life got too rough.  As a kid, my older brother hit me with a round point shovel and caused me to bleed.  He tried to keep me from going inside to get my mom to help me.  He didn't want to get into trouble.
• When Laura talks about the frogs, I’m overwhelmed.  I saw what my brother did to a frog with his bicycle when I was in kindergarten.  I saw my dad kill my pets to help silence me.  I saw my brother and my dad be mean to my pets.  My dad got mad at my dog and shot the dog as it was running down the road.  When my dog finally died of cancer, I was in college, and as it spent the last few days at the vet’s office, the vet and I cried over the phone – when he saw the buckshot still lodged in the feet of my dog.  I’m a fierce protector of animals.  I have a degree in animal science.  No one ever got away with hurting any animal under my watch. 

So many things that Laura shared in her book sounded all too real to me based on my own experiences.  I still struggle and deal with what I went through because it runs deep.  I continue to work through them, and heal my life to the core with every new realization that appears.

I cannot believe I survived and made it this far in life.  I'm beyond ecstatic to see someone like Laura share her story in the way she did.

When I was reading the book, it took me a day and a half to finish it.  I could not put it down.  Laura does an excellent job of weaving the events together into a story that captivates you and holds your attention.

I strongly suggest you check out her book, her website, and the podcast interview she did because it is very enlightening.  See the links below.

We've all got our stories, but if we don't share them, the abuse and horror will continue.  It is up to each one of us to do as Laura did and share your story.  You will touch others, and through touching their lives, they will find more possibility and hope and healing.

Our silence gives a fertile soil for abuse to continue.  Make a difference by speaking up and telling your story.  If you would like a platform to do this, let me know, and I will help you.  I'm always careful that it is not about vengeance, as Laura discusses, but instead that it stands up and says, "I'm taking back my life."

Check Out These Links

• Website:  MyCourageToTell.com
• Podcast:  Podcast with Dr. Berney
• Twitter:   @Laura_Corbeth
• Amazon: My Courage To Tell

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Knock Knock

If you have not seen this video, please spend a couple of minutes and watch it. It is very powerful and it carries a very powerful message. It takes my breath away just watching it and I've seen it many times.

You're Not Talented

"It is usually when we are young that we learn to think we are not talented; we are told so by teachers, parents, and other adults. Inevitably, their evaluations are firmly tied to contexts - to particular schools of thought in particular periods of time - although they are typically unaware of it. We accept their evaluations because we are inexperienced: we don't realize that the contexts in which we are being judged really say little about our talent."

Pg 46, On Becoming An Artist - by Ellen Langer

I know I keep quoting this book but have you ever read one of those books that was just the right book at the right time and everything in it was what you needed to hear? Ok, that's how this book is for me. So, if you're tired of reading about this book, please forgive me! It is just having a big impact on my life at the moment. For that, I won't apologize.

When I read this quoted section of the book that I stated above, it fit me to a T! All my life, I was told how much I didn't know and how many mistakes I made and how I didn't fit in and how I really didn't know what was best for me. These things and more were reinforced through fits of rage, screaming, moments of beatings and just an overall mindset of daily mind control that was exerted upon me. Some of the things were very subtle and some of them could be easily recognized. Many had a role in this from my own parents and siblings to the teachers at school and those that I knew from church.

While I don't remember the exact specifics, I do remember being in first grade and not being able to do first grade math. None of it was sinking into me at the time and I remember my dad making me go through flash card after flash card of first grade math facts that we had to learn. He probably meant well, but when I would get one wrong, he would scream and belittle me. Of course that was during the time that I was first raped and things were pretty horrible in my life. So, it is no wonder that learning was difficult. The ultimate result was that I was held back from First Grade and put back into Kindergarten. I somewhat remember the knots in my stomach during that time and I'm sure my mind and body remembers more than I do consciously.

There were other times though I was put down and I distinctively remember when I was just creating with the songs that I was playing in the piano. I was allowing myself to hit whatever keys my fingers landed on. At the time, some were good notes and some weren't but I was just in the moment playing. Overall, the little tune that came out was pretty good but I remember hearing my dad state to me that there were sure a lot of mistakes in that song, what was the song? This coming from a man that had no musical ability whatsoever but in this moment, he had pronounced himself as judge, jury and executioner. It took me a very long time before anyone else ever got to hear me create in the moment.

We've all got stories that may be similar or different to mine. I could name thousands of them. I doubt any one of us could escape this type of behavior even if the adults around us were well intentioned. I'm sure we have passed the same thing on to others at moment we didn't realize it as well.

The best thing I find is to learn how to allow myself to be a kid again. Some people refer to this as getting in touch with the inner child. But, in simplest form, it is just connecting with that pure, innocent, child like part of yourself that exists in all of us. Freud recognized this back in his day and it is there, whether we want to acknowledge its existence or not. It doesn't mean we have to sit down on the floor and play with toy cars or dolls, although that could be a good start to the child connection within us. It can be much simpler than that.

If we go through our day, enjoying and loving everything we do - we are like the child that is having fun playing in the moment. If you have forgotten what that is, just watch some children playing and you'll soon remember. For they play as if there is no tomorrow, no rules and nothing else that has to be done. This is something I constantly have to remind myself of as well. For being in the moment, enjoying the moment and acting as if there is nothing else in our lives can bring us back to the basic, simple moment that matters so much in who we are as humans. It isn't any harder than that, although we as adults make it hard.

So for today, as you read this, see if you can find the fun moments in your day.

Enjoy your day. Have fun with it! Find the playful side of it. Think of the things you have to do as playful and fun events of your day. - Don Shetterly

How Could Anyone

One of my all time favorite healing songs is one that Shaina Noll performed on her CD, "Songs For The Inner Child". It is a beautiful and simple song yet the words are so powerful.

Here is what I wrote and sent to Shaina Noll that she posted on her website:

"The first time I was introduced to Shaina Noll's music was at a Voices conference in Chicago, IL. Ellen Bass was completing her keynote address at the conference and she ended with the audience singing How Could Anyone.

It was the first time I had ever heard this song and singing it with fellow survivors brought me to tears. Here are the words to this song:

'How could anyone ever tell you - you were anything less than beautiful. how could anyone ever tell you - you were less than whole. How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle. How deeply you're connected to my soul.'

The next time I heard this song was when a therapist played it for me one day in a therapy session. I immediately recognized it and with the topic of the therapy session, it brought tears to my eyes. Fortunately I was able to find the CD, Songs For the Inner Child, which features the song How Could Anyone.

During this time, I was going through a very difficult point in my life and the little child within me was hurting so much. I began to play this CD time and time again. Most of the time, I would play only the song How Could Anyone. in the morning before leaving for work and then before I went to bed at night. I did this for about a month and it began to change how I viewed myself and how I started to accept myself."

If you have never heard of this song, take a listen to it. You can hear a sound clip of the song on her page on CDbaby.com .

The lyrics go like this:

How could anyone ever tell you
You were anything less than beautiful?

How could anyone ever tell you
You were less than whole?

How could anyone fail to notice
That your loving is a miracle?

How deeply you're connected to my soul

Try playing it through in the morning and at night for a month and see if it doesn't change your life like it did with mine.