Into the itching, through the pain and out comes possibility, hope and a new layer of life.
While I'm not back to 100%, things are much better now after some sessions at Evolutionary Healing Institute. While it seemed almost hopeless before going in for the session, by the end of that first day, much had changed. My body was in a hypersensitive state as the implicit memory of some past traumatic event was replaying itself over and over. At this moment, I only have bits and pieces of the traumatic event but that's about all that is in my conscious mind at this moment. The details are too sketchy to make sense of and right now, I'm fine with that.
In the few days since my sessions, my rash has gone down and is not as bothersome as it was. It does flare up but for the most part, it has greatly subsided. I have been able to sleep through most of the night rather than pacing the floors during the darkness of the night. Certain anatomical areas of my body are looking more normal and are not as swollen and deformed. The overall anxiety level has decreased greatly. Itchiness is drastically better than it was but now I'm feeling more of a burning sensation.
One of the things that was happening was that I could not sleep through the night. I would maybe make it until 2am or possibly 3am but that was about it. The night terrors, night sweats and thrashing around in the bed would get so great that I could not remain in bed. It would force me to get up and sit in a lighted room until the sun came up which then I could go back to bed and fall asleep.
Some of the things that I have done in addition to the sessions with Dr. Canali is taking oatmeal baths, using baby powder, sleeping with a night light on and some relaxing music, taking melatonin before I go to bed, taking Vitamin B for stress, using the Natural Calm product before going to bed.
If things pick up in the middle of the night which they still have, I've at least been able to go to my treatment room and do some work on myself. While it isn't easy going into the pain of this by yourself, I have found that if I can do this, than my body is able to drop back down which allows me to go back to sleep.
Through all of this, I'm learning just how much of a nervous system dysregulation itching and rashes are. Before this, I don't think I would have completely agreed and even in the midst of this, my doubts and fears sometimes win out. However, I know for a fact that on the table in my sessions, we are able to reproduce the symptoms of the rash, pain and itching and then we're able to watch it dissipate. If it was purely a physical phenomenon without any origination in the nervous system, than to create the symptoms and dissipate them on the table would not be possible. That is the part I hold on to because as I'm learning, the more I go into the pain (as uncomfortable and horrible as it may be), I am able to move beyond the itching and the pain.
The story behind this is still somewhat unclear and a mystery because right now "implicit memory" is what is showing up. In time, as this finds true healing, the story will most likely appear. But it isn't the story that matters - it is the healing through this deep layer that will give me the greatest awareness and growth in my life. Yes, there is a little boy that was traumatized very badly but as I heal these wounds, it will help me fulfill my life's contract and my life's purpose.
One of these days, I'll sit down and write about all of this in detail. I've been keep a journal of the individual moments to help me. One of the things that I have learned throughout all my healing is to write in a journal in whatever form that takes.
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