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A Mother's Promise To Help After Son's Suicide
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Monday, October 19, 2009
We went to Dr. Canali for a session and I had a big release and a lot going on. It was a very difficult session including my legs going completely out on me and my voice was to the point where I could barely utter a word. The fears get pretty strong for me just to be in this state and even though I know there is some mind/body connection to the nervous system, it is still difficult to go through.
On Saturday (day 1 of the weekend seminar), I again went into a very deep place with so much going on. In fact, I felt as if I was in a dark tunnel during the session hardly recognizing that anyone else was in the room. I wanted to jump up and run away from the table, the room and everyone there. I did not want to connect with the implicit memory. Implicit memory is remembering something without being aware that you are remembering it. I had the support of a few people trying to help me but I was so frightened and so afraid that it was all they could do to keep me in my body. Finally the only word I could get out was “Paul” because deep within me, I knew that I trusted him to bring me back from where I was. When I told him “I Can Not Speak”, which was hard to get out, he responded, “you feel like you cannot speak”. It shifted my thinking from being hopeless to the possibility that I had the power to change this. That along with the next statement where he reminded that what I was experiencing at this moment was not happening now. Although it felt very scary, I was ok. Those two things shifted everything in me and I came back from the deep dark place I was.
The tears were plentiful after that and I felt almost disoriented in the room as I tried to come back. That night, I felt like I wanted to cry the entire night and there was an overwhelming sadness that permeated every cell of my body. I felt like I wanted to hide, withdraw and just find a cave to hide in. Sleep was not easy that night and arriving at the seminar on Sunday, I just felt like if someone looked at me wrong, I was going to cry forever. Fortunately, I started hearing others talk about how rough they were feeling and so I did not feel as alone. I realized through the sharing of others, that this was part of the process that was unfolding. As I realized this, I knew that I did not have to fear this part of the process.
Back to the pulse rate for a moment. We took my pulse rate with the Finger Pulse Oximeter Dr. Canali has and it was around the 99 rate again. Even with all the release and stuff that I had gone through, it was still high and had not come down to a resting state. There was still to much charge in my autonomic nervous system that needed to be released. It was frightening to me, to see that my pulse was not coming down but Dr. Canali told me that we would get it down.
Sunday, was a time we did more work and Dr. Canali used me to demonstrate things on others. This time, he would take me just a little ways into something and then back off because my nervous system did not need to be overloaded at that point. This was done multiple times and in very short time spans. We got to the point of working on the Enteric brain and that’s where things changed. Up until that point, my back and shoulders had been pretty painful. Dr. Canali put the pulse meter on me and sure enough the pulse was high. He demonstrated and took me through the enteric brain stuff where it released a little. The pulse rate was still somewhat high and I was still feeling a lot of discomfort there. So again, he worked with that spot with the help of others in the room. There was a much bigger release at this point which then allowed my body to go into a deeper state of peace and healing. I could feel it in my body because the pain in my back and shoulders dissipated and my breathing seemed to be more relaxed than it had been for some time. He checked the pulse meter and indeed, it had dropped to a more normal resting state.
I’m not sure how long my pulse had been high but I know it had been up there for at least two weeks, if not longer. Something in me just helped urge me that something was off. Now I know where the pulse should be. More importantly, I know that if it gets high, it means my autonomic nervous system is in dysregulation but that through the work I’m learning, there is a way to reregulate the nervous system. This is not something that is pie in the sky voo doo magic but it is real and a very natural innate part of our human bodies.
When the autonomic nervous system is out of balance, it often shows up through chronic pain, health and mental conditions among many other things. The good news is that it can be reregulated without drugs and many of the things that we consider as health care today. The problem is, that no one has been taught about these things and the collective consciousness of our country does not really allow us to be aware of these things. If I had not experienced these things first hand and seen the same things happen in others, I might not believe it either. However, these things have been demonstrated to me in my own life and that is something I cannot deny.