Noticing Body and Rash More

 Written By Don Shetterly

One of the things I've noticed since some of the major healing session work I had done last Monday is how much more I notice.  Okay, I'm not talking about the itching or feeling the rash, I'm talking about what kicks it up.


Before the healing session work, I just noticed constant itching and burning from the rash.  It was uncomfortable.  It was not easy to deal with, and the warm summer weather made it worse.  I just could not articulate anything that kicked it up as it seemed to have a mind of its own.

Since the healing session, I've noticed the little things that kick it up.  I've seen how things kick up the body temperature in me where it feels like my body is consumed by fire.

The rash seems to act as a barometer for me in the little moments that most of us don't notice in a ay.  Even the slightest word or thought or comment kicks it into high gear.

Now, I'm noticing how my body temperature rises instantly, or at least it feels like an increase.  It goes from normal to feeling as if my body is on fire and being consumed.

I am beginning to see that the minute something comes along which affects me emotionally, the rash and itching start cranking up the response.  It does not take much.  At times, I find myself thinking - that's what kicked it up?  You've got to be kidding!

Yes, I know I am a sensitive person.  I pick up so much, and most of the time, it scares the daylights out of me.  Most of the time, I just shut down what I sense and pick up because it is often too much.

The rash is bringing all of this front and center.  Yes, I do realize that there are other things involved that are impacting me but to see, fully, what is going on is helping me.

Before this, I was oblivious to all that was involved which makes it hard to heal something.  Now, I'm seeing the little pieces and am more aware and in control of what is happening.  This puts me in the driver's seat, rather than just someone along for the ride.

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Overwhelming Outbursts Of Anger

Its overwhelming.  It is difficult to say the least.  By the time anyone reads this, things will hopefully have changed, but I just want to write this.  I want to record what is going on in hopes that others will learn or feel like they are not all alone.

We all put a good front on to the world.  We make it look like everything is okay.  They don't often get to see the ugly side of us with the depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, and unleashed anger.  After all, our ego keeps us from displaying this side.

For me lately, the stress has been overwhelming.  The overwhelm is overwhelming.  I've been trying to get through the days, but I feel like I'm in a boat tossed in a stormy sea and have no way to steer or row out of it.

As a result, my angry outbursts have increased.  It gets so difficult that the only way I can even begin to deal with it is just scream, pound the desk, slam the doors and hit the walls.  Those in the house including the cats run for cover.  Of course, I'd never hurt anyone or any pet, but they have no desire to be close to me in those moments.

I'm So Angry

There are too many events as I write this over the past several months that really get to me.  I'm angry at so much that I think I could spit bullets out of my eyes.  While that may be a weird thought, it is how I feel in this moment.  I can't help it.  It is just what is.

Now, some may be rolling their eyes at me and some have already probably clicked close.  No one wants to read or hear about the rough times.  They want it all to just be peachy and happy and lucky and ducky.  Great...  if this is too much for you, please feel free to click close.  No harm in doing that and it won't shatter my world either.

The thing is, anger is a valid emotion.  Its a valid feeling.  You can't wish it away with your thoughts because it resides in the neural pathways of your mind and the cells of your body.  You might think you can just focus on changing your thoughts and it all goes away, but I'm sorry, I don't agree with your logic.