Struggling But Hopeful

Right now, life is difficult.  It isn't easy to hang on or go forward or function.  I'm struggling quite hard right now but I'm hopeful things will change.  That's my hope at least and its all I have to cling to at this moment.  All else is just words and thoughts and philosophies.

Sometimes we are tested to the ends of our rope.  Sometimes we bring this on for ourselves, but never-the-less we have to deal with what is in our day.  Running from it or hiding from it won't help us overcome it.

I've burnt the candle at both ends of the stick.  I could list the reasons why I do this, but they are insignificant at this moment.  For now, while I'm struggling, I remain hopeful that I will find my way back home in my life.


Many years ago, the same scenario played out which led me to be paralyzed and suffer from a Conversion Disorder.  Okay, I know it was much more complicated than I'm making it out to be, but I recognize the pattern.  Fortunately this time I have tools and resources I can call upon to help me through this.

The pain is pretty intense right now and the exhaustion is more abundant than I would love it to be.  Yesterday I went for some therapy at Integrative Bodywork with Jim Fazio.  We made great progress and I truly felt much different when I left.  I was able to do some things like walk and stay awake and eat that were alluding me in previous days.  We did a lot of work where I could allow myself to go into the pain, but not be overcome by it.

Last night, I slept better than I have in many days, but I'm still fighting some of the pain and exhaustion.  It isn't quite at the same level it was, but it is still definitely kicking my butt.  I have further treatment and work planned to help alleviate this and restore my body.

Yes, I'm still struggling today, but I'm hopeful that if I stay on the path of restorative healing in my body and I find rest in my day, this too shall pass.  It isn't easy right now.  It feels larger than life and overwhelming but seeing the progress we made in yesterday's session gives me encouragement that I can get through this.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 5/1/15 by Don Shetterly

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