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A Mother's Promise To Help After Son's Suicide
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Thursday, May 28, 2009
Going Through The Clutter
Recently, I've been going through some of my old papers and documents. It was time to clean out that part of my life and organize it. Ever since we moved a couple of years ago, the boxes have been sitting there, waiting for me to do something with them. It was one of those jobs that you just keep putting off because after all, what's glamorous about spending countless hours sifting through old documents.
As I was going through each box, I began to notice something. There were so many pieces of my life here that offered some ray of knowledge about that particular moment in my life. While I'm sure that I knew all of these things were in the box, I had forgotten about many of them. They were like little hidden treasures just waiting to be found.
Of course as time does pass by, we tend to view events differently, especially if we have grown in leaps and bounds in our life. Some of the items in the boxes would have really invoked some deep pain from a life that once was and a life that I had no desire to hold on to any longer. Things are different now in my life and at one point, I never thought I would be able to think this way.
It isn't that all the painful memories are gone, or that I've forgotten all these events. It is that now in the context of healing, forgiveness and growth, these past events just don't have the charge they once did. They are no longer my King. The people involved in these events are no longer in dominion over me. Of course from time to time, my mind allows these things to come in acting as a thief in the night. The only thing is, these events can no longer over take me like they once did as I've burrowed deep into the pain and reclaimed the power that was once robbed from me.
It is a freeing moment for not only my mind but my body as well. For all of us harbor these events within our bodies. If they are not released, than these events consume us and take our humanness away. They attach to us deep in our core and take residence up in the cells and tissues of our bodies. They become our power force and hold dominion over us.
I'm not talking about thinking these away either or making your mind act as if they aren't there and allowing them to masquerade as something which they are not. It isn't about thinking positive thoughts or following some new age form of wisdom. It is not about wearing the badge of therapy to claim you are healed. While all of these things can be good and helpful, it is more than this.
For now, I have learned that I can release and let go of the innermost pains from deep in my soul through my body. The mind body connection offers so much healing and reclaims our inner essence. It has taken many years to cry the screams of tears but the essence of who I am is beginning to join in harmony with all parts of myself. It is now tears of joy that flow from my soul and my heart. It is now hope and a desire to know more about myself and to grow into all that I can be.
There are parts of our self that we hold tightly to and they serve our purpose for awhile but at some point, we become confronted with that inevitable question - will you remain as you are or will you grow and evolve into all that you are meant to be. It is at that point, where we begin to find ourselves. It is at that point where the clutter of our life becomes hidden treasures that help us move forward on our journey. It is at that point that we truly become human.