Friday, December 12, 2008

For There Can Be Peace

I received a body work session at Evolutionary Healing the other day and as always, it was an eye opening session. Since Jeff and I had been doing some work on each other leading up to this visit, it helped me not have to start at the heavy layers of stress.

It didn't seem long after I got on the table that the two areas of pain came up within me. The first being across my low back which I have been experiencing a lot lately. There were other areas of course like my neck and shoulders (especially the right shoulder) that were painful but the strong attention was in my low back. As Dr. Canali began to touch this area, I felt a very sharp pain almost like a knife being inserted in my abdominal region. The pain was intense and as I voiced that, Dr. Canali urged me to continue staying with this area and staying present, knowing that I had the strength tomove past this.

What surprised me the most though was how quickly we were able to go into this and how quickly I could push past the fear of it to get to the core of what was going on. With the sounds of my voice that grew into dull screams, my arms began to shake with a vengeance propelling massive amounts of anger out of my body. As this continued, the strength of the intense anger grew along with the sounds my voice was making. And then all at once, my body let go and subsided into the ease of the moment feeling much more free and feeling the breath moving more easily throughout my body.

Even though I've had many experiences like or similar to it, this one was different. It helped me connect two things in a very strong way. One of those was that the anger of this session mimicked some of the horrible pain I have always lived with in my abdominal region. Some of that pain from my past took me to more medical doctors, hospitals and medication than I could list here. On the table, I connected with all of that in such a deep visceral way that the connection was made of what fuels this pain. I've probably always known this but the brain connections with my body have never been this strong until this point. And seeing just how far that anger went into the muscles of my shoulders and my low back was an amazing realization to connect with it as well.

In addition though, I knew that we didn't do a lot of "activity" on the table to get to this point where I got. Much of it was about letting go of the resistance and moving past the fear to allow myself to being open to this. Words that I've heard so many times and experienced so many times but they still tend to be a struggle for me. It isn't about doing as much as it is letting go of the resistance.

With everything that happened, my body was able to move into a deep place of peace for as Dr. Canali reminded me that as long as the anger resides within, there can be no peace. It is my reminder that instead of doing as I was taught of holding the anger in, I will find more peace by finding ways to let it go.

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