Barely Made It To The Dentist

I had the tooth extracted the other day and boy was that not fun.  They had a heck of a time getting it to come out.  I went to another dentist (female) than the previous one a couple of years ago.  At least she is more compassionate.  At one point during the procedure, I was struggling to stay in the moment.  I knew I was getting close to passing out and was trying to focus on my breathing.

Finally I took my hands and made a time out signal and she stopped.  All the time, I was asking my angels to help me.  As soon as she stopped, I was hyperventilating but I was able to slow my own breathing down.  After a few minutes, she began again and within a couple of minutes the tooth came out and it was all over. 

Boy these things trigger me so much on so many levels from early days to the time in the hospital with the paralysis. 

Then I came home and the pain has been tough to deal with.  It wiped me out more than I expected.  I had people calling me and I was short and unhelpful because I wasn't feeling good and it hurt to talk.

The day before yesterday, I went into the deep dark place where I don't want to go and I knew I was there.  The triggers of emotions were overwhelming in this.  I started to contact a friend, but quit (all part of that spiral process for me).  So I once again asked my angels to help pull me back up.

Hiding From The Dentist

Okay, get ready, get set - where did he go?  If anyone has seen Don, please send him to the car.  His dentist appointment awaits.  Paging Don - Paging Don!  He's nowhere to be found.  Can you blame him though?  Its the dentist after all!

I don't care how many times I go through this and how many things I do, I'm as frightened of the dentist as someone would be if they were jumping out of a 747 jumbo jet with no parachute at 30,000 feet.  Get the feeling?  Now you've got an inclination of just how difficult this is for me.

I'm trying.  I am trying.  I hopefully have found a better dentist that actually cares and is compassionate unlike the last one that gave lip service to the concept.  I have tried to put some boundaries in place and only had them look at my first visit without doing any work.

While I hate medication of any type, this is the one time I will take something to help me with the anxiety.  I'd like to think I'm strong enough without, but see me hiding behind the door.  Does that prove my point?

I'm Healed - I'm Over It!

So often people who have been through so much in life, tend to hide from it and almost act as if nothing happened.  More times than I can remember, I've basically heard from others "I'm healed and I'm over it!"  In the voice and words of the church lady, one thought usually comes to my mind - "well isn't that special".

Now, you may be thinking that I'm being a sarcastic smart you know what.  Maybe I am and maybe I'm just trying to get everyone's attention.  It isn't that I take healing lightly or think that you have to drown in the misery of your past experiences.  What I believe is as important as oxygen to our body, is that you have to be 100% honest with yourself.  This is where people fall down.

Healing is not an end point.  Healing is a journey.  Discovery about your life doesn't stop when you open one door, it only begins.  Healing happens a little bit over many moments of your life.  It is a process.  It is not an end point.  Yes, I'm repeating that but I'm doing so because most people never fully understand that its a process.