Pushing Beyond The Fears - Part One

In a not so distant time, I remember being so afraid to leave the walls of my house. Of course, it was just another fear that I had to deal with. While this particular fear has a shape and size to it, what I did to go beyond translates into many other types of fears. For in this moment that I experienced this, I was so afraid to move beyond the current situation I was in. Pushing beyond the fears was anything but a comforting thought in my mind.

You see, I was afraid to leave the house. If I was not going to my house or to the store to buy groceries, I did not leave my four walls. It was only out of necessity that I left the walls I was in. I felt safe and secure in my home with the windows closed, blinds drawn, and doors locked. I felt safe within the confines of my home where I was hidden from the outside world. I did not want visitors and I encouraged no one. I had very few close friends that were not work related and I only socialized with them when it was required during the course of a business day.

People were a threat. The outside world was a threat. Pushing beyond the fears of my four walls was like asking me to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. This was not going to happen. Anxiety would build up within me every time I even gave the slightest thought to venturing outside. Even if I went to the store, it was timed to be during moments of the day when I thought there would be the fewest people in the store. I did not want to see, talk, or be around any more people than I absolutely needed to.

Major Moment Of Embarrassment And Shame

The other day I went to a healer in South Florida by the name of Kathi Angeli.  I have been to her several times before and each time, it really helps me move forward in life, while letting go of long held energy blockages and finding forgiveness for experiences of my past that I encountered.  This session was no different and at first, I thought it was not going anywhere.  Lo and behold to my surprise, things got intense real quick and I was shocked at the event that came up.

Way back many years ago around the time I was 14 years old, there was an incident that happened with me and my younger brother.  I don't think I had hid this experience from my consciousness, but I never fully realized just what impact it had on my life.  In reality, I just chalked it up to another one of those experiences from my traumatic past that I had to heal and work through.  In fact, I thought I had worked through it, but then healing trauma is a process, not necessarily an end point like so many often believe.

In this experience, my mother (God rest her soul) who hardly ever whipped us, got upset with something my younger brother and I were doing.  I cannot even remember what it was to this day that sparked the whipping. I really doubt it was much of any significance.  In our house, the slightest breath could get you whipped.  I recognize she was having issues with my father and more than likely took that out on us, rather than dealing with it in her own life.

Your Issues Don't Belong To Me

I’m an extremely sensitive. I pick up so much in others and people all around me including plants, buildings, the collective consciousness and energy of the world, etc. I pick it up and I do it in a very intense way. It doesn’t shut off unless I put up walls and hide myself from the world.

So what I’m learning is to identify what issues are my stuff and what issues don’t belong to me. If I feel triggered by them, I’m starting to look at them and see what it is that I need to learn in my life or what opportunity is being presented to me. Triggers aren't fun, but if we allow them the opportunity, they can teach us great things about our life.

I’m just trying not to take all these things that I pick up on and hold them in my mind, body, and spirit or in my energy field. I’m recognizing them for who owns them and giving them back to whoever they belong to. I'm learning to release and let them go, rather than holding them as tight and endearing as a teddy bear. It isn’t always easy but as a wise healer told me recently – if you can do it 51% of the time – you’re on the right path and if you can do it 100% of the time – write the book to teach everyone else.