Integrity Does A Body Good

Hiding in the shadows, only the darkness knows or at least it seems that way at times.   Integrity seems to be lacking these days, but yet the darkness of our actions seems to be the main emphasis in life.  In fact, some might say that integrity is no longer the norm as it once was in our society.  We have drifted into the realm of the dark side of life while claiming it is what we have always known.  For truth shines a light that is much greater than the darkness, but a lack of integrity tries to alter what we know to be the truth into a form that appears to be the truth.

All my life I have had a truth detector built in just like I see in Judge Judy and others.  I have always told people around me, don't try to lie to me because if I don't' figure it out at that moment, most likely I will in the days ahead.  I'm skeptical by nature, but I read body language and match words against what the body is saying.  If they don't match up, I get suspect of what the person is saying.  I match it against previous communication or store it in my memory bank to do comparative analysis in my mind at a later time.

Some people are easy to spot when they are not being fully honest, while others do a great job of hiding it.  It is much easier to see then most realize.  I believe there is an energetic vibration that alerts the mind and body to what is being said and what is truly meant.  Unfortunately, the dark side of lacking integrity tries to make us believe that we can say and do whatever we want without anyone detecting what is going on.

Directions To Reality

Somedays if we are not careful, we find ourselves traveling further and further from reality, into a fantasy world we create.  There is nothing wrong with fantasy if we balance it out with reality.

All too often these days, it seems like the human population is living in a fantasy world.  Would someone be so kind as to give me directions and direct me to reality?   - Don Shetterly

Family and Forgiveness

Why do I desire that which so tormented and abused me throughout my life? My question I raise to myself is that of why do I long for this "Leave It To Beaver" family view when I know that is not reality for my life. I do not write these things as an attempt to derive pity from them. They are written as an attempt for me to confront them and understand these things.

When I see families enjoying each other and staying in touch or having fun at holiday celebrations, I become jealous, hurt and dazed. Yes, I remember some of those family times that we shared on holidays which I loved but yet, these same times were filled with some of the most horrible moments of abuse and trauma one could barely imagine. I do realize as well that some of these families that appear to be enjoying happy family events, are also enduring the hidden skeletons in the closet.

The trouble is that I realize I did not grow up in a nurturing, loving and caring family. My family was anything but that from the abuse to the daily torment .

However, I seem to struggle with my mind running wildly into the fields of family fantasy land, wishing that what was not there, in essence was reality. My mind fails to comprehend how life fell so short for me while my mind struggles to find the capacity to understand why I still long for that which I did not have.

Oh how I could go on and on, writing these things but still coming up short. My longing is for something I never had, nor will I ever have. It is like Oprah said, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different."

Maybe my quest is not about reconciling a world of fantasy and reality but of learning to let go of the past and finding deeper forgiveness for myself. In all reality, I know that most likely I'm not alone in this quest.

I know I've come a long ways in my own healing and forgiveness, but at times like this, I see the struggle of a journey that continues. May I continue to come to a greater understanding of what forgiveness truly means just like many that are reading these words.


Further Reading:
1) Forgiveness Is Difficult (Blog Post 5/15/11)
2) End Of The Oprah Era (Blog Post 6/1/11)



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blog Post & Images (c) 7/3/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

If any part of this post is used or shared, a link back to this site is required.
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dreading Christmas

As the dreaded day of Christmas approaches, I find myself feeling at times like I want to cry but I'm afraid the crying will never end once it starts. I find myself wanting to avoid any mention of the holiday and staying clear of the stores at all costs.

Some days I feel overly hyper like I can't possibly sit down and stop but then sometimes in the same moment, I feel as if I'm exhausted - then the back and forth of the emotions starts the process all over again. I feel emotional at times, angry at times and hurt at times.

There are moments when I want to see the lights, decorate the house and bake some Christmas cookies. In the same moments, I want to lash out at anyone who dares mention Christmas to my face.

I long for the fantasy world I experienced during Christmas but along with it, the pain of the illusion is extremely difficult. It gets confusing and yet I know I'm making progress. It is fun at times, but it is exhausting and draining.

To all those that celebrate Christmas and have fun during this holiday, my hat is off to you. It is a time where I feel like one of those toys that you smack and it doesn't quite fall over, but it bounces back up. The only difference in this time for me is I feel like I'm constantly smacked and knocked down. My only hope and saving grace through this time is for December 26th to get here or to bury myself in work that keeps me from thinking about all of this.


Blog Post & Images (c) 12/15/10 Don Shetterly - use by permission only