Child Abuse Is Not A Sexual Relationship

Today I read a story and I'm not sure if it is the poor writing and reporting, or this statement is actually what was said.  There are still some very archaic conclusions about child abuse.  We have made much progress in this area, but once again, I want to state that child abuse is not a sexual relationship.

In the article, Dad Beats Man Accused Of Molesting His Son, the following statement is what concerns me.

According to the report, the alleged abuse was happening for about three years. Frolander admitted the sexual relationship and said "I'm guilty," according to the report.

I'm not sure if the reporter failed to do their job fully or if this is from an actual statement made by the accused molester or if the reporter just doesn't understand the full implications of what they wrote.  Regardless, this type of attitude hurts those that have been abused.  It may seem insignificant, but it is not.

Child abuse is not about a sexual relationship.  There is no sexual relationship with child abuse.  Especially for a little boy that was 9 years old when it started, to say it is a sexual relationship shows much ignorance.


Child abuse is about control and manipulation of someone.  While sex is used, there is no relationship.  Relationship means a choice by two parties involved and I think it is pretty safe to say that a 9 year old boy is not in a position to make that choice.

Everyone wants to say, how did the parents not know or how did the child not say anything.  Obviously, again, ignorance is speaking.  Often times the way child abuse is allowed to continue is that the molester has ways of making sure their victims remain silent.  They are extremely good at that.  They are sick individuals that twist normal things around for their victims.

In addition, no 9 year old boy really grasps what is going on sexually with themselves in a situation like this.  To think that they do, again shows ignorance.  A young boy can get sexually arroused and stimulated, but often they don't have the vocabulary and comprehension of what this truly means.  They are not mature enough to fully understand what adults understand.

I hope that the more we expose these ignorant conclusions and the way the media reports what happens, it will lead to a safer world where child molesters can't get away with the things they do.  We as a society contribute to it when we allow journalistic pieces of reporting to go unchallenged.  We as a society contribute to the child molesters doing what they want when we act as if a 9 year old child should have said something long before this was caught.

We are waking up as a society and civilization but sometimes in situations like this, we have a long way to go.  Don't think for a moment that child abuse has anything to do with a sexual relationship.  Don't think for a moment that a young child has a choice or that they feel like they can go talk to some other adult.  Child molesters are crafty people and they know how to target their prey and silence their prey.  Don't be an enabler!

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Blog Post And Images (c) 7/20/14 by Don Shetterly

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