We Have Answers Within

Written By Don Shetterly

It is so easy to go through difficult moments and cry out, begging for answers.  I know, I've done it many times.  I believe it is part of human nature and the cycle of suffering.  We forget, though, in these times that we have answers within our mind, body, and spirit.

While the answers may be there and we may acknowledge to some level that they are, we often don't believe it.  We feel isolated and trapped.  We feel discouragement and despair.  It often appears that there is no hope and no way forward.

At times we reach those moments of so much despair and agony, that nothing can convince us there is more beyond our current moment.  It almost becomes like we have reached our point of no return and so we spiral down further into the dark hole of our existence.

That flicker of hope...

Having answers within us is like saying you can be warm sitting outside in a blizzard.  It just doesn't compute at that moment.  Deep down, there may be that flicker of hope, but it grows harder to access with each waking minute.

I still remember staring up at the ceiling of my hospital room when I was 26 years old and dealing with Conversion Disorder.  Doctors told me my brain was shutting down as evidenced by not being able to walk, barely being able to move and struggling to verbally communicate.  At that point, I could barely remember my name or even feel a needle being pricked into the bottom of my foot.

I felt hopeless in those moments.  I felt like there was no way out.  In fact, at that moment, I was not sure if I wanted a way out.  Believing that I held the answers within was almost like watching a comedy routine.  Yet, I asked myself the question, "Is this all I can expect for my life?"

As significant moments came through one by one, I started to realize that if I was going to make it, I had to find the answers within myself.  No, there was no road map to discovery.  There was no one to ask.  There was no book to read, and the internet was not in existence like it is now.

I had to find my answers...

I had to go full throttle into the darkness of the unknown, believing that if I could not give up, I would find the answers to the situation I was in.  It was not easy.  Many told me their versions of beliefs and opinions that I should try, but more often than not, those things were of little help.

I had to find out what was my own truth.  I had to see what the answers were that I held within my mind, body, and spirit.  No one could tell me those things for no one was walking in my shoes.

More importantly, though, I did not give up.  I did not let deterrents like learning to walk again or bringing my memory back stop me.  I did not let obstacles like anxiety, depression, and normal life functions stop me.  I did not give up.

In a new book I am working on, I have detailed more of the things I used to help me find the answers within and heal my body.  It is not a recipe that everyone should follow step-by-step.  It is more of the concepts that I learned along the way in my own healing.  These are the life-changing moments, not my beliefs or opinions as to what heals.

All too often, we face life's challenges, and we neglect the wealth of knowledge and insight we hold within our mind, body, and spirit.  It is in this recognition that we will make it through from the lowest moments to the points where we have hope and possibility.  When we discover that all of our experiences have led us to this moment, it is then that we find those answers within ourselves.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
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Your Personal Power Of Communication

Written By Don Shetterly

One of the things I keep noticing on social media is how we fail to communicate.  For platforms that are designed to communicate, we're failing big time!  It is sad because I believe communication is one of the things that help us become so much more.

There are so many times I read responses, and I literally have no idea what I am reading.  It is like a bunch of words and cryptic letters compiled together to form a thought which I cannot read.  I feel like it is a foreign language known only to the person that created it.

In news articles, some headlines are packed full of words but mean little.  It is almost as though the author is trying to cram all the possible discussions into one short title or article.  I read articles that afterwards, I have no idea what I just read.  Nothing in them makes sense, but it fills page after page on my screen.

Another thing I have seen is how people make up words that kind of sound like something that is logical, but again you have no definition for the word.  Instead of explaining the meaning of the made-up word, it is just treated as if all know what it means.

Be clear to get the result you want...

Communication is difficult at best when we are trying to get our point across, but when we purposely do it lazily, it becomes almost impossible.  If you expect someone to understand what you are saying in a millisecond, yet you are nowhere close to being clear in how it is stated, your result will not be favorable.

We spend far too much time these days on communicating in a world like we've not known until this point.  If we keep communicating so no one can understand, we will soon become a civilization that has no connection.

I realize that sometimes I miss the mark in what I write, but it isn't for lack of effort.  Sometimes, I just cannot get my point across.  I understand it in my head but writing it, so others understand it, is difficult.  I cannot imagine using special characters, abbreviated words, and lack of coherent thoughts to communicate.  I would fail miserably.

Maybe while embracing this new technology, we need to not diminish communication but use it to enhance what we say.  Maybe we need to think another second or two before we respond or write something online.

The more we learn to communicate more effectively, the more personal power we have when it comes to getting others to understand what it is we are saying.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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I Was Never Good Enough For My Dad

Written By Don Shetterly

I used to hate having to go get tools for my dad.  My older brother would treat me the same way as my dad treated me.  They were too freaking lazy to go get the tools themselves and so I’d have to trek all the way to the barn where we had them.

Of course, the tools were never where they said they were.  Of course, they didn’t know how to properly identify them.  So, I would have to guess and hope I brought the right one back.

Most of the time I failed.  I would be berated with the following statements:

"You don’t have any common sense." 

"If the tool would have been a snake, it would have bit you." 

"Can’t you do anything right?" 

Those and many more statements filled the void around me.  They made me nervous.  They caused so much anxiety in me.

If my dad got real mad, he’d pick up a shovel, a garden hoe, a board or anything else within his reach and beat me with it.  Minor infractions meant that he would just kick you, and I mean physically kick you. 

Afterwards, I would get blamed for not putting the tools away in the correct spots.  There were no “spots” for the tools, only general locations.  My dad would never return things back to where he found them, but it was always our fault.  Then we’d have to clean up the barn all over again, only for the scenario to repeat.

I remember one time in college, I had come home and changed the oil in my car.  I put things back where they were supposed to go.  Days later I get this letter from my dad.  Now, my dad could barely put words together to form a sentence on paper and hardly ever sent a letter to anyone.  This letter was blasting me for how irresponsible and immature I was because I left his “garage” a mess.  It wasn’t me that did that.  It was someone else, but of course I got blamed.

Fault in the smallest of things...

Nothing I ever did was good enough for my dad.  He would find fault in the smallest of things.  Even in the music that I created, I can still remember him criticizing me because it had mistakes in it.  His anger fumed at me when I replied to him, “but how can it have mistakes – I’m just creating it?”

When I bought my first pickup, it wasn’t good enough because I didn’t ask his permission, even though I was out of college, working a good job, and paid for it on my own.  He thought I should get his approval first.  It did not matter that I got the best deal I most likely ever got on buying a vehicle.

When I got tired of waiting on him to help me build a hay feeding bunk for my sheep, I finally just did it on my own.  The sheep needed it badly and day after day, he kept telling me he was too busy to help me.  No, it wasn’t perfect, but it worked.  He could only criticize me and it for every little flaw that he magnified in his own eyes.  Nothing was ever good enough for my dad.

When I would play the piano in high school choir events, he would gloat that I was his son.  It wasn’t that I played beautifully.  It was about how I was related to him and he made sure that he was the focus of the event to everyone that knew us.  His responses to me in private though were nitpicking how much he hated the music I was given to play.  This was from a man that had no concept of music, but he sure was a critic.

When I tried to go to college, he was all for it if I got a good paying job and it was more of a hands-on trade.  Yet, my dad resented the money I was offered for my first job.  While in college and for years after, I would hear that I was nothing more than an over educated college idiot.  No matter how humble and true I was with people, my father resented that I was doing better than he was.

Jealous of me...

I dealt with my older brother and my dad being completely jealous of me in everything I did.  They expected someone to walk up and hand them what they needed.  I, on the other hand, worked my butt off to get what I needed.  I was well known and successful for my hard work in the area where we grew up.  I never had to look for work.  It always found me.  Regardless, though, I had to deal with the never-ending jealously by my dad and older brother.  Anything I had, they thought they should have, even if they did nothing to get it.

I’ve been called so many names.  I’ve been hit and beaten so hard.  I am not sure how I made it this far in life.

I always try to stay humble and be who I am.  However, that was never enough for them and it made my life hell for many years. 

In recent years, I’ve started to really come to terms with that, but I would be lying if I said that none of what I had been through with my dad and older brother did not impact everything I do to this day.

It is my goal to keep reminding myself that they were the bullies in my life and because of their own shortcomings, they felt threatened by me.  However, that is their circus.  It is their dysfunctional issues.  I no longer desire to own them.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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