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Thursday, April 2, 2009
Can Anger Make You Vomit?
Can Anger Make You Vomit? I’m not sure I know the definite answer to this one. My suspicions are that it can because I know that stress can cause tight muscles, worry can cause ulcers and digestive problems, lack of making decisions can affect feet and leg issues, sexual abuse can affect hip and pelvic region problems and the list could go on and on. Of course, it is probably important to note, that one thing may not necessarily affect the other but these do have the potential of doing these things. So why would vomiting not be caused by anger? That I cannot answer either way.
All I know is that when I get stressed out, I tend to get headaches along with the tight muscles but headaches are usually the more preferred route it seems for me. Lately, I’ve been feeling stressed about several things (personal of nature) and somewhat depressed and just seem like the harder I try to move forward in life, the more I tap into the fears I have. These fears include a lack of self confidence, thinking others really don’t like/love me and are only appearing as they do, and just being afraid (almost paralyzed) to go out in public and get things moving. On top of this, it triggers the release of this anger pit hidden deeply within me and makes me want to go hide in a cave. I’ve struggled for years to regain these things but for some reason it seems like they still appear in gigantic form to me.
The stress though has been building and the headaches have been picking up in frequency. Even with trying to do things to help myself release the stress, it just seemed like nothing was working. The anger kept rising; the stress was steady with no end in sight. I just wanted to be alone and in many ways I didn’t want to be with myself either. Unfortunately, I am not able to escape myself as much as I would like to.
Last night was the culmination of the stress I believe and this time it was not going to let me get away. Of course, I know I have some food sensitivities and so there is a possibility that it could have been something I ate. However, I’ve not been able to narrow that down but I know that my cravings and diet has really been messed up lately. Food hasn’t tasted right and until recently when there was chocolate in the house, I just could not say no to it. It so easily becomes like an addiction to me and the only way around it is to not have it in the house. It doesn’t mean I don’t get the cravings for it. It just means it is harder to eat.
Last night, the headache intensified which is never a good sign when you’ve suffered from headaches and migraines most of your life. The bloating started in which in the past (like around Christmas or other times), has meant that I ate something which I’m sensitive to. I know that garlic and onions in a minute amount will not treat me well. The pressure build up in my abdomen became unbearable and I felt like I had a balloon inside of me that kept being filled with air. The only temporary relief I’ve found from this is an ice pack applied to my abdomen.
As things progressed, I began to vomit violently and it didn’t seem like it would end for some time. My stomach hurt so badly from this and by the time it was over, I was so weak I could barely stand up, let alone walk. Once I knew things had settled down, even though I could feel every digestive organ inside of me moving around, I went and collapsed in bed. I was exhausted but still somewhat hurting and uncomfortable that it was hard to let myself go to sleep.
And today, even though my stomach muscles still hurt from being sick and I feel a little weak yet, I don’t feel sick. By sick, I mean that I am running a temperature or something. It is like either it is a bad reaction to something I ate which right now I am not sure what that is, or it is one big release for the anger that seems to build within me deeply. I wish I knew the answer. I wish it would all make sense. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen a connection of these events to either a combination of an emotional time along with eating garlic or onion by mistake. Of course, this time, as far as I know, I did not eat any onion or garlic.
So I’m left wondering what is going on with me. I hate it when I don’t know the answers but yet I feel it is important to write down what is going on in my mind. Maybe the connection between things will yield some answers at some point and maybe I’m already on to something here. I just would hate to make an argument out of the facts I presented because I know I couldn’t prove that getting sick is the result of anger.
On the other hand, I can remember times of getting sick in the past that had nothing to do with a flu bug or virus. I can remember going through some of the healing bodywork I’ve done and feeling like I’ve had to “throw up” something deep inside of me. I remember a session one time where I felt as if there was this big black ball of thick goo inside of me and by the time the session was over, it was gone. I also know that I have tended to stuff my feelings and emotions deep within me. It was my place of refuge and it was my hiding place.
For now, I only have questions. I hope the answers will begin to present themselves so that this all makes sense. For I feel as if it robs me of so much in life – whoever “it” is.