According to this book, our natural state in mammals is to be somewhat on guard. While this is good if you're walking through the tall grass or the jungles, it makes for difficult intimate relationships. It keeps us shut down or immobilized. It keeps us distant and not as connected with other humans. As Dr Van Der Kolk says, "in order to play, mate, and nurture our young, the brain needs to turn off its natural vigilance."
While this all sounds fine and dandy, many traumatized people are so hypervigilant that they cannot enjoy the ordinary pleasures in the day. Yes, they are in relationships, but without overstimulation, it becomes a mundane and routine relationship with only part of the feelings and emotions that one could potentially experience.
